::whew::
i am relieved tonight to say the least.
but first of all, i will recap my day.
i ditched my micro class yet again, mainly because im totally avoiding it until i drop it. hopefully tomorrow. im worried about dropping it though because i think it might affect my full time student status. if im not full time then it fucks up my insurance or something. but if i dont drop it, ill get another F and fuck up my gpa... both really suck. i need to speak with a counselor first to find out if thats what will happen for sure, and then talk to my parents, and then drop the fucking class. ugh. sometimes i dont know about this nursing stuff. i get that its not supposed to be easy, but why is it so impossible for me to be successful with it?
so while i was avoiding class i went to see john. he had to go to get his licence renewed since it expired shortly after his 21st birthday, and he also had to go to morton to drop two of his three classes :-/ and he said that artan had to drop one too so we picked him up on the way. the dmv wasn't too bad. john had a really cute drivers license picture. then we went to morton so the boys could fill out paper work and got me more worried about dropping my class. it also made me think about how kids our age in general seem so easy to give in.. rather than fighting that failing grade and showing up and doing the work, we all let other things get in the way of doing well in our classes, so we drop them. wasted time, wasted money. it just feels bad. i really hope i brake this cycle of failing and repeating courses because its seriously making me question what i'm doing with my life because obviously i'm doing something seriously wrong. i know i'm smarter than this.. i'm so frustrated with myself.
after morton we dropped artan off because he had stuff to do so me and john got some lunch at mr. sub, and it was really really good. it was my first time eating there and i was like whoah how did i not know about this place before! the only downside was that their garlic fries were stuck on my breath for the entire rest of the day...yuck. we brought the food home to eat and met amanda there. shes steves gf and john was going to help her pick up her new computer at best buy. after we ate we all drove over there and got everything all set up. john helped her get a better deal than what they were offering, mainly because he knew what he was talking about and i think they were counting on us being computer illiterate. anyways, im realizing more and more that i like amanda. at first i was a bit weary of her, just because i kinda questioned why she turned to john so much for help fixing stuff and advice... but then i realized shes just a very down to earth normal girl.. and she asks john for help because hes amazing at computers, plus he wont charge her money, and basically theres noone else who will do that for her... and she talks to him about her problems mainly because they all revolve around her boyfriend steve, whom john has known since he was just a little kid.. i feel really bad for amanda, i dont know what i would do in her situation. she said that this weekend steve told her he doesnt want to be in their relationship much longer because he doesnt want to be as serious as they are at such a young age. basically, he doesnt want to be with a girl he can see himself getting married to yet. so in lament terms, he wants to be a young stupid guy and go out and get wasted and have noone to yell at him for being wreckless. basically hes scared of growing up because he doesnt know what to make of his life yet.. which i guess is normal for a 21 year old guy, but why take it out on a girl who has loved you for over 2 years? i dont get it. and in the mean time, he told her he still wants to be with her! its like hes making her wait on pins and needles until one day he decides that it will be the day he wants to be single and act like a fool. guys are so dense sometimes. because when he gets that all out of his system and turns around looking for someone to be himself with and love.. she will be gone.
okay so my main point of this entry...my little brother does not need surgery now!! originally they were saying he would need an operation right after easter to remove the tumor on his kidney, which at the time they suspected was cancerous. but now they said that it is not something they would want to operate on right now because he is so young, and its not certain that surgery would be the best route. mainly because disrupting it may cause more damage and create scar tissue which could make future interactions more difficult. so they told him they will look at him again in 6 months and see how things are progressing, if at all, and make a decision or plan of action from there. also, they said his tumor is not cancerous. its actually just the same type of tumors my dad had from the disease they both have, which is also not good, but nowhere near as chronic or fatal as cancer. so yayyyy!!! i was really worried about him.. i'm glad he doesnt have to go through all that surgery right now. i want him to experience life before he worries about undergoing serious surgery.
but first of all, i will recap my day.
i ditched my micro class yet again, mainly because im totally avoiding it until i drop it. hopefully tomorrow. im worried about dropping it though because i think it might affect my full time student status. if im not full time then it fucks up my insurance or something. but if i dont drop it, ill get another F and fuck up my gpa... both really suck. i need to speak with a counselor first to find out if thats what will happen for sure, and then talk to my parents, and then drop the fucking class. ugh. sometimes i dont know about this nursing stuff. i get that its not supposed to be easy, but why is it so impossible for me to be successful with it?
so while i was avoiding class i went to see john. he had to go to get his licence renewed since it expired shortly after his 21st birthday, and he also had to go to morton to drop two of his three classes :-/ and he said that artan had to drop one too so we picked him up on the way. the dmv wasn't too bad. john had a really cute drivers license picture. then we went to morton so the boys could fill out paper work and got me more worried about dropping my class. it also made me think about how kids our age in general seem so easy to give in.. rather than fighting that failing grade and showing up and doing the work, we all let other things get in the way of doing well in our classes, so we drop them. wasted time, wasted money. it just feels bad. i really hope i brake this cycle of failing and repeating courses because its seriously making me question what i'm doing with my life because obviously i'm doing something seriously wrong. i know i'm smarter than this.. i'm so frustrated with myself.
after morton we dropped artan off because he had stuff to do so me and john got some lunch at mr. sub, and it was really really good. it was my first time eating there and i was like whoah how did i not know about this place before! the only downside was that their garlic fries were stuck on my breath for the entire rest of the day...yuck. we brought the food home to eat and met amanda there. shes steves gf and john was going to help her pick up her new computer at best buy. after we ate we all drove over there and got everything all set up. john helped her get a better deal than what they were offering, mainly because he knew what he was talking about and i think they were counting on us being computer illiterate. anyways, im realizing more and more that i like amanda. at first i was a bit weary of her, just because i kinda questioned why she turned to john so much for help fixing stuff and advice... but then i realized shes just a very down to earth normal girl.. and she asks john for help because hes amazing at computers, plus he wont charge her money, and basically theres noone else who will do that for her... and she talks to him about her problems mainly because they all revolve around her boyfriend steve, whom john has known since he was just a little kid.. i feel really bad for amanda, i dont know what i would do in her situation. she said that this weekend steve told her he doesnt want to be in their relationship much longer because he doesnt want to be as serious as they are at such a young age. basically, he doesnt want to be with a girl he can see himself getting married to yet. so in lament terms, he wants to be a young stupid guy and go out and get wasted and have noone to yell at him for being wreckless. basically hes scared of growing up because he doesnt know what to make of his life yet.. which i guess is normal for a 21 year old guy, but why take it out on a girl who has loved you for over 2 years? i dont get it. and in the mean time, he told her he still wants to be with her! its like hes making her wait on pins and needles until one day he decides that it will be the day he wants to be single and act like a fool. guys are so dense sometimes. because when he gets that all out of his system and turns around looking for someone to be himself with and love.. she will be gone.
okay so my main point of this entry...my little brother does not need surgery now!! originally they were saying he would need an operation right after easter to remove the tumor on his kidney, which at the time they suspected was cancerous. but now they said that it is not something they would want to operate on right now because he is so young, and its not certain that surgery would be the best route. mainly because disrupting it may cause more damage and create scar tissue which could make future interactions more difficult. so they told him they will look at him again in 6 months and see how things are progressing, if at all, and make a decision or plan of action from there. also, they said his tumor is not cancerous. its actually just the same type of tumors my dad had from the disease they both have, which is also not good, but nowhere near as chronic or fatal as cancer. so yayyyy!!! i was really worried about him.. i'm glad he doesnt have to go through all that surgery right now. i want him to experience life before he worries about undergoing serious surgery.