Fat/thin/weight in fucking general rant.
I get confused about my body. Not what parts are which, but the whole weight issue. Trying not to think about it leads to thinking about it which leads to worrying about it and so on. I mean, I know I'll never be blonde, waif-like and a model. I've made my piece with that. It's just going out and being confronted with people like my sister who complain when they don't fit in to their size 4 jeans that piss me off. (Disclaimer: I love my sister, just not her complaints about her weight).
I don't have model thin legs. I don't have flat abs. Why do I feel punished for not being in the top 10 percentile of female bodies? Why do I feel like I should aspire to qualify for Canada's Next Top Model (which, historically, is an industry with few Asian models anyway) It is confusing as hell.
Then I see videos like this:
This video effing confuses me. Maybe because it confronts my deep-seeded prejudices against fat people. (And let's be honest, I'm not alone in that by a long shot) Maybe because I look at Joy and I'm like, she's got a really pretty face. Or maybe because I don't ever face that problem of not being able to walk into most clothes and finding something to wear. That when I say "I look fat in this" it's nothing compared to her. Because she really is, and I'm just an average girl who's disappointed she's not a model.
I'm a size 8. I weight about 150lbs, give or take. On diet shows, I'm the 'goal' weight for a lot of people. But because of the fact that I wear a size 8 that sometimes leans into a size 10, my mother fears I'm going to turn into a fat person. I watch dieting shows the way I watch debt shows - both make me reconsider things that would normally make me instantly happy (eating, spending money) and make me feel guilty for even thinking about it, much less doing it.
At the end of the day, I should not feel dismayed when someone tells me I look like I've gained weight. Nor should I feel elated when someone says I've lost weight. Why the hell should it matter? I'd rather people tell me I look rested or healthier or happier - compliments about all of me, not just how much I appear to weigh.
Anyways, I've been thinking about that for a long time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm finally going to go eat some lunch now.
I don't have model thin legs. I don't have flat abs. Why do I feel punished for not being in the top 10 percentile of female bodies? Why do I feel like I should aspire to qualify for Canada's Next Top Model (which, historically, is an industry with few Asian models anyway) It is confusing as hell.
Then I see videos like this:
Click to viewThis video effing confuses me. Maybe because it confronts my deep-seeded prejudices against fat people. (And let's be honest, I'm not alone in that by a long shot) Maybe because I look at Joy and I'm like, she's got a really pretty face. Or maybe because I don't ever face that problem of not being able to walk into most clothes and finding something to wear. That when I say "I look fat in this" it's nothing compared to her. Because she really is, and I'm just an average girl who's disappointed she's not a model.
I'm a size 8. I weight about 150lbs, give or take. On diet shows, I'm the 'goal' weight for a lot of people. But because of the fact that I wear a size 8 that sometimes leans into a size 10, my mother fears I'm going to turn into a fat person. I watch dieting shows the way I watch debt shows - both make me reconsider things that would normally make me instantly happy (eating, spending money) and make me feel guilty for even thinking about it, much less doing it.
At the end of the day, I should not feel dismayed when someone tells me I look like I've gained weight. Nor should I feel elated when someone says I've lost weight. Why the hell should it matter? I'd rather people tell me I look rested or healthier or happier - compliments about all of me, not just how much I appear to weigh.
Anyways, I've been thinking about that for a long time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm finally going to go eat some lunch now.