it's over....

[kardawg]

I just bagged up his stuff....all the presents, clothes, food,pictures etc... that reminded me of him. He's coming to get it tomorrow. I have never laid down on my floor, and cried. I have never thrown things across a room. I have never punched anything. But I just did. It's finally over. I talked to him about it...granted I was drunk, but I talked to him...and it was in his eyes that he doesn't love me anymore. I thought that I had moved on. I thought the guys I "dated" after him and I "broke up" and the guys I slept w/ were a sure sign that I had moved on. But I love him. I am still totally, completely in love w/ him and there's nothing I can do. I guess I'm not really sure what to do w/ myself from here. But tonight, as I watched them cuddle, in front of me, I picked every bit of skin off my lips, and felt as though my life was ending. I wanted it to be me again. I wanted his arm to be around me. My head resting on his shoulder. Him winking at me. I like her, but right now I just want to scream SLUT at the top of my lungs, but I can't cuz she's a friend. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Why can't he love me anymore. why does it have to be her. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO FUCKING SLEEP WITH EVERY GUY IN THAT GROUP!! GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW LONG BEFORE SHE MOVES ON? OR MOVES IN TO AN APARTMENT WITH HIM!!!! IT'S FUCKING SICK!

sorry, probably shouldn't have said that ... but it is a "journal" and it is what I'm thinking.