Partisan Wingnuts and What To Do About Them
Lately, in talk_politics we've been hearing about the Tea Party wingnuts and how they're ready to throw gasoline on anyone who even remotely supports the recent Health Care Reform package.
Then we get reminded by the right wingers in this community how badly the lefty wingnuts behaved when the sitting President was theirs and the issue was war.
At this point, cooler heads remind everyone that neither side gets a pass. Which is good.
Well, I say to Hell with being a cooler head. It's much more fun to break out the bastard stick and stir the fecal matter with it. Sure, nobody gets a pass but that doesn't mean we can't have a very special mixture of applied psychology and extreme violence. And with that, I have a proposal for dealing with partisan wingnuts.
First, we need to round up all the hard partisans who can't seem to play nice. I'm talking about the fringe elements on both sides. That includes the whiskey-soaked shotgun totin' rednecks from Mayberry as well as the gague-eared vegan ballsacks who plan to name their kids "Karma" and "Moondoggy". This also includes people who think "Thou shalt not kill" has a clause that says, "But if it's a democrat lawmaker, God will look the other way". This also includes people who drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and wear Che Gueverra t-shirts which were made by a big clothing corporation.
Round 'em up. Then put them on an island in the Pacific somewhere. After that? Get them frothing mad. The best way to do this is to point out the real reason they're so angry: The men among them have small penises. It has nothing to do with politics really. It has everything to do with small penii and a raisin sack. The ones who truly care about the issues are a little more moderate than the wingnuts.
Then you target their anger towards each other by pointing out that the guys on the other side probably have bigger members and would gleefully insert said members into their wives, girlfriends, sisters, and mothers. Sound fun, so far? Oh kids, you ain't seen shit yet.
After they've been worked into a wingnut partisan rage, make sure they have plenty of weapons. But not anything like firearms, mind you. Give them weapons that you need to use within spitting distance. You know. The up close and personal kind. Clubs. Knives. Chainsaws. The entertaining kind. Shit like that.
Then you withdraw and let wingnut partisan insanity take it's course. A lulzy and beautiful orgy of politically motivated micro-dicked violence is sure to ensue as both sides kill each other while shouting "NO U!!!" at one another.
But wait! There's more! Did I mention that before you transport the wingnuts to the island, hidden cameras have been left all over the place? Yep, it's all going to be transmitted. But not to regular television. Not to an established cable channel. Fuck that shit. This history making event needs to be on pay-per-view! And not only that, but wagering needs to be allowed with the federal government getting a 10% cut of all the action. And then there's the merchandising possibilities. T-shirts. Bumper stickers. Marital aids. Children's toys. We could sure use that money right about now.
And if you're a moderate or an independent? Pour yourself a drink. Kick back. And enjoy the show. The partisan wingnuts get the final battle they're itching for. Everybody else gets a show so grand that P. T. Barnum himself would tear his own hair out in jealousy over it.
And that's all I have to say on the issue for now. Good evening and God bless your precious bodily fluids.
x-posted from talk_politics.
Then we get reminded by the right wingers in this community how badly the lefty wingnuts behaved when the sitting President was theirs and the issue was war.
At this point, cooler heads remind everyone that neither side gets a pass. Which is good.
Well, I say to Hell with being a cooler head. It's much more fun to break out the bastard stick and stir the fecal matter with it. Sure, nobody gets a pass but that doesn't mean we can't have a very special mixture of applied psychology and extreme violence. And with that, I have a proposal for dealing with partisan wingnuts.
First, we need to round up all the hard partisans who can't seem to play nice. I'm talking about the fringe elements on both sides. That includes the whiskey-soaked shotgun totin' rednecks from Mayberry as well as the gague-eared vegan ballsacks who plan to name their kids "Karma" and "Moondoggy". This also includes people who think "Thou shalt not kill" has a clause that says, "But if it's a democrat lawmaker, God will look the other way". This also includes people who drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and wear Che Gueverra t-shirts which were made by a big clothing corporation.
Round 'em up. Then put them on an island in the Pacific somewhere. After that? Get them frothing mad. The best way to do this is to point out the real reason they're so angry: The men among them have small penises. It has nothing to do with politics really. It has everything to do with small penii and a raisin sack. The ones who truly care about the issues are a little more moderate than the wingnuts.
Then you target their anger towards each other by pointing out that the guys on the other side probably have bigger members and would gleefully insert said members into their wives, girlfriends, sisters, and mothers. Sound fun, so far? Oh kids, you ain't seen shit yet.
After they've been worked into a wingnut partisan rage, make sure they have plenty of weapons. But not anything like firearms, mind you. Give them weapons that you need to use within spitting distance. You know. The up close and personal kind. Clubs. Knives. Chainsaws. The entertaining kind. Shit like that.
Then you withdraw and let wingnut partisan insanity take it's course. A lulzy and beautiful orgy of politically motivated micro-dicked violence is sure to ensue as both sides kill each other while shouting "NO U!!!" at one another.
But wait! There's more! Did I mention that before you transport the wingnuts to the island, hidden cameras have been left all over the place? Yep, it's all going to be transmitted. But not to regular television. Not to an established cable channel. Fuck that shit. This history making event needs to be on pay-per-view! And not only that, but wagering needs to be allowed with the federal government getting a 10% cut of all the action. And then there's the merchandising possibilities. T-shirts. Bumper stickers. Marital aids. Children's toys. We could sure use that money right about now.
And if you're a moderate or an independent? Pour yourself a drink. Kick back. And enjoy the show. The partisan wingnuts get the final battle they're itching for. Everybody else gets a show so grand that P. T. Barnum himself would tear his own hair out in jealousy over it.
And that's all I have to say on the issue for now. Good evening and God bless your precious bodily fluids.
x-posted from talk_politics.