Tribute to Blooper
Today, our Beta fish, Blooper, committed suicide by flopping out of his fish bowl and onto the counter. My dad gave him a "burial at sea," and now i shall scribe a eulogy in tribute to "that fish that would never die," Blooper. ::ahem::
Goodbye Blooper. You were a wonderful fish. We shared so many good times together within the year and a few months that you resided in my household...remember all of the times that I did my laundry and you watched? And when I would tap my pencil against your plastic abode and you would go hide in your little green plant? And when I...oh, who am I kidding. Blooper, we hardly shared ANY time together. I have a confession, Blooper...a good 75% of the time, I completley forgot that you existed, and I would only remember when your fish tank smelt of hell due to a lack of cleaning or when I sharpened my pencil and saw you swimming around aimlessly. In fact, I can kind of understand WHY you committed suicide! I mean, goodness gracious, all you did was swim around in a tiny, plastic bowl for hours on end that contained a plastic plant and your own excrement! HOW BORING! Heck, you would go into a fit of excitement if the light switch was turned on and off! In fact, I'll bet a good 95% of my friends reading this didn't even know I had a dang fish! Oh well. The truth is, you were a cheap substitute for Jerome, but I will stop being so harsh for a second, since you were only a fish...but I guess you did a pretty swell job of being a cheap substitute for Jerome. I really did like you, Blooper. You were a good fish, and I will miss you terribly. But now that you decided to end your life so tragically, all I can say is adios pescita, and hopefully your salt-water beta fish family in the ocean can give you a proper burial now that we flushed you down the potty...that is, if they don't eat you first. Bye bye Blooper!
Goodbye Blooper. You were a wonderful fish. We shared so many good times together within the year and a few months that you resided in my household...remember all of the times that I did my laundry and you watched? And when I would tap my pencil against your plastic abode and you would go hide in your little green plant? And when I...oh, who am I kidding. Blooper, we hardly shared ANY time together. I have a confession, Blooper...a good 75% of the time, I completley forgot that you existed, and I would only remember when your fish tank smelt of hell due to a lack of cleaning or when I sharpened my pencil and saw you swimming around aimlessly. In fact, I can kind of understand WHY you committed suicide! I mean, goodness gracious, all you did was swim around in a tiny, plastic bowl for hours on end that contained a plastic plant and your own excrement! HOW BORING! Heck, you would go into a fit of excitement if the light switch was turned on and off! In fact, I'll bet a good 95% of my friends reading this didn't even know I had a dang fish! Oh well. The truth is, you were a cheap substitute for Jerome, but I will stop being so harsh for a second, since you were only a fish...but I guess you did a pretty swell job of being a cheap substitute for Jerome. I really did like you, Blooper. You were a good fish, and I will miss you terribly. But now that you decided to end your life so tragically, all I can say is adios pescita, and hopefully your salt-water beta fish family in the ocean can give you a proper burial now that we flushed you down the potty...that is, if they don't eat you first. Bye bye Blooper!