Floaters and monies
Much less excited about orientation than I am about the job itself. I'm on the schedule from 11:30-11 today. And this place likes to nitpick your every turn of phrase. Know when you get a margarita with a drizzle of grand marnier on it and you say to the waitress, "Ma'am, I'd like a frozen margarita with a Grand Marnier floater?" We're discouraged from using the word "floater" because "it sounds dirty." WTF?! We're grown ups. We can say "floater" without giggling (unless we really ARE discussing bathroom code. then i laugh). I'm also not allowed to refer to cleaning my table as "bussing" and supposedly I'll get in trouble if I accidentally say it. Same reason - "it sounds dirty." What in the hell does that even mean?! Is my clientele so upper-class that they're offended by even the mention of public transportation? Are they worried I'm subliminally trying to coerce them to leave their Escalades and extended cab trucks in the parking lot and take the number 1 home? ((tee hee hee! i just said number 1))
If they'd like I can come up with a short list of words that I find offensive, so they can add those to their list. For instance, I hate it when people pluralize 'money' as 'monies.' I don't care what the dictionary says, THE PLURAL OF "MONEY" IS "MONEY." Or the misuse of "literally" and "ironic." And in written language, we should just discontinue the semicolon because nobody seems to fucking know how to use it anyway. ALSO WHEN I'M READING A THICK BOOK AND SOMEONE ASKS ME IF IT'S FOR CLASS AND I SAY NO IT'S FOR ME THERE'S ALWAYS THIS AWKWARD PAUSE THAT I'M ALWAYS REQUIRED TO FILL LIKE I NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR ENJOYING READING. I HATE THAT PAUSE SO MUCH!
Whoa. Temper check. And...okay.
I'm a little nervous about my big shift. I'm brewing up some coffee and gearing up to study all the material before I leave. I'm ready for training to be over so I can make tips already. I've got four more days of being someone's bitch and letting them keep all the money.
If they'd like I can come up with a short list of words that I find offensive, so they can add those to their list. For instance, I hate it when people pluralize 'money' as 'monies.' I don't care what the dictionary says, THE PLURAL OF "MONEY" IS "MONEY." Or the misuse of "literally" and "ironic." And in written language, we should just discontinue the semicolon because nobody seems to fucking know how to use it anyway. ALSO WHEN I'M READING A THICK BOOK AND SOMEONE ASKS ME IF IT'S FOR CLASS AND I SAY NO IT'S FOR ME THERE'S ALWAYS THIS AWKWARD PAUSE THAT I'M ALWAYS REQUIRED TO FILL LIKE I NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR ENJOYING READING. I HATE THAT PAUSE SO MUCH!
Whoa. Temper check. And...okay.
I'm a little nervous about my big shift. I'm brewing up some coffee and gearing up to study all the material before I leave. I'm ready for training to be over so I can make tips already. I've got four more days of being someone's bitch and letting them keep all the money.