AARRRGGGHHH!!1
I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside. It’s hard to have to be like this. I feel like I have no place to go, nobody to turn to, and a strange retraction from love. I don’t believe in relationships anymore. I give up, I’m officially throwing in the towel. I don’t have time for any more people…I can’t even balance the people I have around
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I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear from in regards to this subject, but I feel like someone needs to say this to you.
You are not a lesbian. Lesbians don't go into deep depressions when a guy that they truely care for tells them they can only be a friend. You do like guys, so at best you're Bi, but def. not a lesbian.
I really hate seeing you beat yourself up when life doesn't work out instantly like you think it should. We've all had our rough moments. I mean, take me for instance. I wanted the fairytale relationship, but instead I've had a lot of hard times with Dan. Kim wants a slightly different guy than she's found and how hard did Cathy have to fight and how long did she have to wait to get Dodson? I mean, life takes work and usually doesn't turn out like you really wanted it to.
As for your past posts about going back to your old ways, I think it would really break a lot of peoples hearts to see you go back to that place, Mel. Kim, Cathy and myself all really care about you and we're all really scared for you at this point. We're scared that you're going to do something drastic that isn't going to make you feel better, but just drag you into a deeper sadness.
You do have friends that care about you, Melissa. You do have people that get pissed off whenever someone says something negative towards you, even if you do say they were just joking.
**internet hug**
On another subject, about having too many friends to deal with (you've mentioned it before) you could always hang out with more than one friend at a time. I mean, just call anyone, we'd all gladly get together and do a big group thing.
Going back to your post, about the retraction from love bit, before you can love anyone else or be loved by anyone else, you need to love yourself. So take a look inside and ask what it is that you don't love about yourself and then work to fix that so that you do love yourself. If you need help, Kim and I, and Cathy too, are only a phone call away. (or like two feet away if you're at Java city with one of us)...
Religion is confusing and sometimes the best answer is not tyring to adopt someone elses beliefs but having your own. Religion is sort of like the starting point for you to take your own understanding of your place in this world from.
Nobody is telling you how to dress, act or what to say or believe. Yesterday, Kim and I were trying our best to point out that you were happy and in a sort of better part of your life when you were dressing girly. Are the two related? I don't know, but all I do know is that you did seem more approachable then and this new trend towards darker and scarier than before seems to coincide with your recent downward sprial into this horrible sadness that you seem to be in.
My offer still stands for you to hang out with the girls. Soemtimes it's just good to get away from guys for a while and do a little retail therapy, or sappy movie marathon.
Anyway, I hope that at least some of this has sunk in or made you realize that there are people here for you to turn to. And we wont try to change you, just your mental state -- from sad back to happy, or at least more near happy. Okay?
We love you Mel, give us a chance.
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i just want what i cant have- always have- always will, and its not worth my time.
I LOVE YOU!!!
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