To all my friends
I need some advice/support.
As many of you know, within the last year I have come to identify as both bisexual and atheist. I am very comfortable with both of these things. But I come from a religious family. Not super hyper conservative. My parents have always been fairly moderate and are even liberal on some issues. They switched to democrat sometime during the George W Bush years. But they are still religious and believe in the bible.
My anxiety and depression have been in fairly good control lately, but every time I have a flair up it's almost always caused by worrying about telling my family. It's to the point where I believe it's detrimental to my health to keep putting off coming out. But I'm still scared.
I'm honestly not as worried about coming out as bisexual. I think the fact that I still like boys and could very well end up with a husband will help ease them into the idea. Not the most enlightened way to look at it, but if it keeps them from having a meltdown...
But the atheist thing? I'm scared shitless about sharing that. Because even though I truly believe my parents will still love me and still welcome me into their home and not exile me for my beliefs, I do think it will forever change the way they look at me. According to their beliefs, I'm going to hell. That's going to be in their minds. It's going to make my mother cry. That knowledge upsets me.
I've considered telling them I'm agnostic instead. I don't know that I love the idea of lying to them, but agnostic is almost like a stepping stone - halfway between faith and atheism. Kind of like being bisexual. It's a middle ground that might allow them some peace of mind. And they'll still understand, then, that I am no longer Christian, and my mom will hopefully stop trying to get me to pick a new church. But I just don't know. I don't want to end up still feeling awful because they still don't know the *whole* truth, even if it's much closer to the truth than what they believe now.
I'm very conflicted.
As many of you know, within the last year I have come to identify as both bisexual and atheist. I am very comfortable with both of these things. But I come from a religious family. Not super hyper conservative. My parents have always been fairly moderate and are even liberal on some issues. They switched to democrat sometime during the George W Bush years. But they are still religious and believe in the bible.
My anxiety and depression have been in fairly good control lately, but every time I have a flair up it's almost always caused by worrying about telling my family. It's to the point where I believe it's detrimental to my health to keep putting off coming out. But I'm still scared.
I'm honestly not as worried about coming out as bisexual. I think the fact that I still like boys and could very well end up with a husband will help ease them into the idea. Not the most enlightened way to look at it, but if it keeps them from having a meltdown...
But the atheist thing? I'm scared shitless about sharing that. Because even though I truly believe my parents will still love me and still welcome me into their home and not exile me for my beliefs, I do think it will forever change the way they look at me. According to their beliefs, I'm going to hell. That's going to be in their minds. It's going to make my mother cry. That knowledge upsets me.
I've considered telling them I'm agnostic instead. I don't know that I love the idea of lying to them, but agnostic is almost like a stepping stone - halfway between faith and atheism. Kind of like being bisexual. It's a middle ground that might allow them some peace of mind. And they'll still understand, then, that I am no longer Christian, and my mom will hopefully stop trying to get me to pick a new church. But I just don't know. I don't want to end up still feeling awful because they still don't know the *whole* truth, even if it's much closer to the truth than what they believe now.
I'm very conflicted.