fighting myself
I am starting this entry at 11:36. We'll see how long before it is finished.
I am quite sickened with myself. Dennis and I went to Chagrin Falls last weekend. Had a lovely time. Ate at this super greasy but yummy burger joint. Went to the Ski and Sport Haus after to look at goodies. We found a pair of very nice inexpensive skis Dennis might get. (perhaps a rant later on this) There was a scale there. I made the mistake of weighing myself. 165lbs. Ouch. 30 lbs over what I would like to be. (although I'd settle for fluctuating within the 140-145 range) No wonder nothing fits anymore.
Remember the greasy burger mentioned above? That seems to be the problem. I refuse to deny myself foods I want. But I *do* try and have it in moderation. If I want chocolate? Fine. But only a piece or two, never the whole bar. I figured if I ate healthy, then these occasional indulgences couldn't hurt. Alas, the indulgences are more than occasional. And while I am eating healthier, I'm not eating to lose weight. My calories are healthier, but they're still the same amount of calories.
*sigh* Donuts in the kitchen. Chocolate covered with multi colored sprinkles. My favorite kind. Of course I can't resist. No wonder I'm so fat now.
I need to exercise. But... ugh. I went to check out a Curves facility yesterday. It only takes 30 minutes, it's within walking distance of work, so I don't have to get off a long day and drag myself there; I can go during lunch.
Speaking of which, just got back from lunch. One of the women here is retiring (at 30-something! jealous!) and so the boss paid for lunch from this salad place. Sorta healthy I guess. Would be moreso if the salad wasn't so huge and didn't come with so much dressing.
I keep telling myself I should go running. But running sucks. Not to mention that my shoes make my feet hurt, and I can't really afford good running shoes right now. Plus, the weather has not been happy for outdoors activities unless you happen to own a nice pool, or a nice boat.
I think I'm making excuses. I want to lose these inches I've gained. I can't afford a new wardrobe. I can't seem to keep myself motivated to do anything about it though. It makes me feel like such a failure. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Like nothing matters anymore somehow. Ugh. Look at me, being all drama queen. =p But seriously, I think seeing the finish line but knowing how damn far away you still are from it is catching up to me. It's bringing me down. I think I will go and get a new car this weekend. What does that have to do with my weight? I don't exercise when I feel poopy. Buying a car is a forward step, it will make me feel better, and thus more inclined to exercise. That's the theory anyways.
Things have just been so blah lately. Dennis has been swamped at work. He is so tired and stressed all the time now.
It's 15:05. Time to end this entry. I don't know much else what to say. I feel way fat, I hate it, but not really doing anything about it, so I really can't complain, but I am anyways. ugh.
I am quite sickened with myself. Dennis and I went to Chagrin Falls last weekend. Had a lovely time. Ate at this super greasy but yummy burger joint. Went to the Ski and Sport Haus after to look at goodies. We found a pair of very nice inexpensive skis Dennis might get. (perhaps a rant later on this) There was a scale there. I made the mistake of weighing myself. 165lbs. Ouch. 30 lbs over what I would like to be. (although I'd settle for fluctuating within the 140-145 range) No wonder nothing fits anymore.
Remember the greasy burger mentioned above? That seems to be the problem. I refuse to deny myself foods I want. But I *do* try and have it in moderation. If I want chocolate? Fine. But only a piece or two, never the whole bar. I figured if I ate healthy, then these occasional indulgences couldn't hurt. Alas, the indulgences are more than occasional. And while I am eating healthier, I'm not eating to lose weight. My calories are healthier, but they're still the same amount of calories.
*sigh* Donuts in the kitchen. Chocolate covered with multi colored sprinkles. My favorite kind. Of course I can't resist. No wonder I'm so fat now.
I need to exercise. But... ugh. I went to check out a Curves facility yesterday. It only takes 30 minutes, it's within walking distance of work, so I don't have to get off a long day and drag myself there; I can go during lunch.
Speaking of which, just got back from lunch. One of the women here is retiring (at 30-something! jealous!) and so the boss paid for lunch from this salad place. Sorta healthy I guess. Would be moreso if the salad wasn't so huge and didn't come with so much dressing.
I keep telling myself I should go running. But running sucks. Not to mention that my shoes make my feet hurt, and I can't really afford good running shoes right now. Plus, the weather has not been happy for outdoors activities unless you happen to own a nice pool, or a nice boat.
I think I'm making excuses. I want to lose these inches I've gained. I can't afford a new wardrobe. I can't seem to keep myself motivated to do anything about it though. It makes me feel like such a failure. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Like nothing matters anymore somehow. Ugh. Look at me, being all drama queen. =p But seriously, I think seeing the finish line but knowing how damn far away you still are from it is catching up to me. It's bringing me down. I think I will go and get a new car this weekend. What does that have to do with my weight? I don't exercise when I feel poopy. Buying a car is a forward step, it will make me feel better, and thus more inclined to exercise. That's the theory anyways.
Things have just been so blah lately. Dennis has been swamped at work. He is so tired and stressed all the time now.
It's 15:05. Time to end this entry. I don't know much else what to say. I feel way fat, I hate it, but not really doing anything about it, so I really can't complain, but I am anyways. ugh.