[Multi-chapter] Change (27/29)
Title: Change
Authors: syunikiss1990 & tsuchi8562
Bet: andreja1989 ArigaPYON~!
Pairing: SakurAiba, Aimiya (friendship), Yama (friendship), Junba (friendship)
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama, School
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They are not ours, they belong to themselves...
*MASTERPOST*
There was something wrong in Tanaka-sensei's office, but Sho couldn't put a finger on it. Everything seemed to be on its place, but at the same time something was disturbing. Sakurai frowned, trying to figure out what was going on, but when he couldn’t find anything he sat at his usual place, facing the window and waited for the doctor. The older man came and smiled gently.
"Welcome, Sakurai-kun. How are you today?" The usually calm voice was a bit trembling which made the boy even more anxious.
"I am fine... Sensei, did something happen?" Sho whispered the question, not trusting his voice. Some imp hidden in the back of his mind was telling him that his mother did something stupid again or even escaped from the clinic. He didn’t know if he should worry or…
"No, nothing happened. However I believe you are ready for a next stage. You are ready for honest conversation with your mother." The doctor said without beating around the bush.
"What?!" The boy opened his eyes wide. He was talking with Kumiko so many times, but she never listened to him. The woman ignored every single word, taking his presence for granted. She thought he will always be by her side... Now he will have to talk with her again? What for? To hear her chatter about having only her and being alone in the end?
"Well... More like she is ready to talk with you. But I believe that now you are able to restrain your emotions. You made a big progress, Sakurai-kun." Tanaka smiled and patted the boy on his shoulder. “I will leave both of you alone. I’ll be in the office next door if you need me.” The man bowed and left. Sho just at that moment figured out what was wrong with the room. There was one extra chair next to him, probably prepared for Kumiko. Sakurai was alone for a longer while, which let him to prepare some kind of speech. He wondered what he wanted to say to his mother, tried to pick the right words and breathed slowly. The boy was very nervous, but he was fully aware that this is needed. If Kumiko wants to talk, he should listen to her after all of those years he was hurting. They both were… Finally the time of exoneration has come for him and for the woman. When Sho stopped hoping she will come, the door slowly opened and Kumiko went inside without a word. The woman looked like hell, with dark shadows under her eyes, grey skin and shaking hands. She was here for so long and she looked exactly on the first day she came here. The boy stood up and helped her; he could hate her but still she was a weak woman who needed some help. The silence filling the air was painfully ringing in the ears, but Sakurai didn’t dare to break it, feeling that Kumiko should start whenever she is ready.
“Sho-kun… Let me tell you a story… A dark and sad story about a woman that was the devil…” Finally the woman whispered and cleaned her throat. Sho stood up and gave her a glass of water. She bowed and continued, this time louder. “That woman had a son. A very smart and beautiful boy that gave her so much happiness and brought a lot of sunshine in her miserable life… But at some point she decided to throw it away… Was it her fault or the guy she had met? It’s not important now… Her decision almost killed the most precious person in her life…”
“What…” Sho frowned and stopped the question after one word when the woman silenced him with her shaky hand.
“Then, she decided to repair everything she did, trying to become a better person. But she failed… Losing against the drugs again and again, finally giving up… And then she decided… She was the happiest when her magical pills are clouding her brain, letting her in another, better world, since she was a loser in the real one…”
“Kumiko…” Sakurai whispered and wanted to say something more but words didn’t want to get out of his throat. He had mixed feelings; on one hand he was mad because she sounded as if she wanted to blame him for everything and on the other he felt pity.
“So she decided to die. With whole premeditation, she decided to finish her life to let the most precious person go… Set him free. Not because she cares for him. Because she loved her pills more. A lot more. Her son was only a burden for her. An obstacle… She didn’t need him anymore.” The woman was talking calmly, looking through the window, but tears were running down her cheeks. “So she died, happy that she won’t see her son’s face anymore…” Kumiko stood up and looked at Sho, smiling weakly. She bowed and stayed in that position for a longer while. “Thank you for listening to my story. I am sorry I took your precious time. Goodbye.” Before Sakurai could react in any way, the woman left the room, shutting the doors quietly. The silence filled the air again, crushing Sho and pushing him down. He knelt on the soft carpet, trying to understand what just happened. He wanted to talk with her, explain his feelings and how his life looked like because of her addiction, but he didn’t expect something like this. The boy was gasping for air, crying like he never did before, releasing all the pain he had inside him and choke him through all of this years. He noticed Tanaka-sensei with the corner of his eye, but as soon as the psychologist noticed the boy, he quickly stepped away, leaving him be. Sakurai sobbed for time that seemed to be hours and when he finally calmed down, all of his strength left him and he fell asleep on the soft carpet in Tanaka’s office.
***
Masaki was constantly watching his phone, waiting anxiously for the moment he would hear from Sho. The older boy would always call or text when he would go home or to tell he would stay for the night but by midnight there still wasn't anything. He wanted to call and ask if everything was okay but he couldn't press the button to call. When Sho had started his therapy Masaki had made himself a promise. When his boyfriend would be in Kobe he would leave him alone as he would have enough on his mind there. He was probably exhausted after his long journey and after his therapy and he must have fallen asleep. Or maybe his mother was giving trouble again and he forgot to call him.
But fear crawled in his heart again. Sho still hadn't decided what he was going to do, stay in Tokyo or move to Kobe. What if the older boy was looking for a job, or maybe already found one and was now looking for an apartment? And because he didn't want Masaki to worry about that he stayed silent and didn't call.
"I don't want you to leave Sho-chan." Masaki muttered to his phone even though the smaller boy wouldn't hear him. He knew he was being selfish but if Sho would have to move to Kobe... He didn't want to think about it. The presence of the older boy became so natural to him that he didn't know what to do without him. Of course he kept telling the older boy everything would be okay and that he supported him, trying to hide his selfish feelings to keep him close. Sighing he finally put away his phone on the nightstand, falling in a light, restless sleep.
***
I'm on my way home.
Masaki had read the short message over and over again, hoping something more would come up if he stared long enough. It was not like Sho to send such a short message. Something really must have happened. Something he didn't want to tell Masaki. Walking circles in his room Masaki tried to calm down, not wanting to thing about possible scenarios. After a quick look at his clock he dashed out of his room, running to the train station to pick Sho up. He arrived just in time to see the train from Kobe arrive, his boyfriend walking right past him not long after.
"Sho-chan?" Masaki called, trying to get the attention of the older boy. When he didn't react Masaki quickly walked over to him, grabbing his arm and calling his name again.
"Sho-chan, are you okay?" Worried he looked into his boyfriend's eyes which seemed to look right through him for a moment before they finally focused on him and a weak smile appeared on his face. Before he knew what was happening Masaki was pulled in a tight hug, still trying to figure out what was wrong.
"Are you okay?" He asked again when the smaller boy finally released him. He only received a small nod in return and another weak smile, making Masaki even more nervous. But knowing the older boy he would eventually tell something, even though he might have to pull it out of him. Driven by his nervousness he started to talk about nothing in particular, just to cut the awkward silence there would otherwise be. Together they walked (though it felt to Masaki more like he was leading the other boy) to Masaki's house. Even though he was constantly talking he still couldn't stop wondering what was going on. Would Sho really go to Kobe? Would that really be the reason he wasn't saying anything yet, trying to avoid it? Masaki was sure he had hidden his real feelings about Sho moving to Kobe from the older boy but he wouldn't be surprised if Sho would have picked up something about it. Maybe that was the reason he didn't want to say it yet, knowing how it would hurt both of them. Maybe today would be the last day he would be in Tokyo? In that case he would have to find a way to keep him here tonight.
"Are you staying over for dinner as well? I have to tell my mom if you are, I'm not sure if she is counting on it with dinner so maybe she still needs to get some more food. I'll..."
"She let me go." Sho whispered softly, interrupting the younger boy's constant flow of words. Masaki looked at the older boy next to him on his bed, not understanding what he was talking about but at the same time glad he finally said something.
"What do you mean Sho-chan?" Masaki asked, grabbing the older boy's hand which he noticed was trembling softly. With a soft voice Sho started to tell what had happened in Kobe yesterday. While the older boy told what happened tears started to fall down again, making Masaki's heart clench. Hugging his boyfriend tightly he started to rock their bodies, trying to comfort the crying boy.
"It's confusing Masaki. Why would she do that after all those years? I should be happy, I'm finally freed from her claws but it feels strange."
"You just need to get used to it. But I'm here for you okay?" He placed a soft kiss on Sho's forehead. Now that he knew what was bothering the older boy he felt a bit relieved but it still didn't take his fears away completely. But for now that didn't matter, all that did matter was that Sho was still here and was opening up to him even more. Smiling widely he brushed away the tears from the others cheek.
"I'm proud of you Sho-chan." Sho snorted softly.
"I didn't do anything. I just..."
"Yes you did. You showed her what she was doing. You changing made her open her eyes and now you are free." Masaki stopped and thought about it for a moment.
"No, not completely free. You still belong to me, so don't forget that." He tried to look strict but Sho's small smile made him smile as well.
"I'm sorry I forgot to call you yesterday."
"That's okay. But you can make up by staying here tonight, I missed you." Sho sighed and nodded, laying his head on the taller boy’s shoulder. Still smiling Masaki wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, deciding to be selfish today after all and not letting the boy in his arms go anywhere. Not as long as he didn't need to.