[Multi-chapter] The Watches Series: Affection (15/16)
Title: The Watches Series: Affection
Authors: syunikiss1990
Beta: andreja1989 <-- as always arigatou ♥
Pairing: MatsuMiya, Sakuraiba (side pairing)
Genre: Fantasy, Drama, Romance
Rating PG-13
Disclaimer: We own nothing... We just designed J's apartment
*MASTERPOST*
He could feel the eyes of his colleagues on him as he walked through the dimly lit corridors towards the office on the top ground. Takeo-sama had send him a message a few hours ago that he wanted to speak to him and Jun thought it would be better to get it done right away. He didn't feel good at all, not after everything that had happened but he had to go at some point so he decided to do it almost right away. A soft enter came from behind the door when he knocked.
"Matsumoto! I didn't expect to see you here already." Jun smiled weakly as he closed the door behind him.
"I received your message so I figured I might as well come right away."
"I see. You don't look that well though, like you haven't been sleeping for days, are you sure this is okay right now?" Jun smiled weakly and nodded. His boss was right, he barely slept for the last few days, the images of that night spooking through his head. Kazunari's last words before he...
"Matsumoto. This isn't working when you can't pay attention. Go home, get some sleep and a couple more days of rest. You can come back later I don't want to see you before you at least have some color back on your face." Jun shook his head.
"I'm here now I don't want to take more of your time than is necessary."
"Look, I wanted to talk with you about what happened and about your promotion you will get because of it but you aren't in a state to do that. Just know that every charge against you is taken back so you are a free man once again. We will talk about details later, just leave this office right now and get some rest. Try to sleep." Jun was just too tired to go against the words of his boss. He bowed and got up, slowly walking out of the office. Instead of going home like his boss said he went straight for the hospital again, greeting the worried looking nurses as he walked into Ninomiya's room again. He sighed deeply and sat down on the chair next to the hospitals bed. The chair should have formed to his body by now, seeing the days he had spend in it already. The nurses and doctors had begged him to go home, get some rest while promising to call him right away if something changed but he had stubbornly refused it every time. He simply refused to leave Ninomiya's side, not before he knew he would really be okay. The doctors had said he should wake up from the inducted coma they brought him in but that was yesterday and the older man was still fast asleep now. They had told him not to worry, his body would need a lot of rest to recover from the wound but how could he not worry. The only thing that kept him sane and at the same time drove him crazy was the constant beeping sound of the monitor next to the bed.
J... I loved you... Jun hid his face in his hands, trying not to freak out again.
"Idiot, don't say things like that..." He softly muttered, looking at the still sleeping man in the bed. Would everything be different when he would have let his guard down much sooner? If only he told the man how he really felt sooner they would have worked together in getting the Dark Priest. Nino wouldn't have done a stupid heroic action then, they would have captured them sooner. He wouldn't be shot. It was his own fault in the first place, that night in that bar. Nino was right, he should have left him alone and he wouldn't be in this bed now. If only he would have been stronger back then and not so sentimental to send him a last message. He didn't know when he dozed off but the soft sound of someone coughing woke him up. His vision still a bit blurry from sleep (or maybe more the lack of it) made him look around confused, not seeing anyone in the room who could have made the sound until his eyes fell on the small figure in bed. At the same time the confused eyes of the other man fell on him and his heart jumped.
"Kazu?"
"J... are you... alright?" The man of the bed softly asked with a hoarse voice. Jun laughed softly.
"You are lying in the hospital bed, barely alive and you are asking me if I'm alright? You really are an idiot Kazu." The smaller man smiled a bit weakly and moved to get up a little but his face withered in pain. Quickly Jun put his hands on his shoulder to keep him from moving but careful enough to make sure he wouldn't hurt him.
"What happened?"
"You got shot, that's what happened. You tried to perform some stupid heroic action and almost killed yourself."
"I know but after that? The Treaty..."
"Is safe. You shouldn't worry about that right now." He reached for the water next to the bed and gave the smaller man some. For a while they stayed silent, unsure what he had to say. Eventually Matsumoto broke the silence.
"I should inform the doctor you are awake, they probably want to check you." He was already halfway when Ninomiya's hoarse voice stopped him.
"J... I... What I said before..."
"Not now. Please we will talk later. I... We... The doctor needs to know you are awake, I'll be right back." He rushed out of the room before the other man could stop him again. He thought he was ready for this, to let his guard down and finally let his real feelings out but in the end it was a lot harder than he thought. How could it be easy after a year of keeping his guard up, locking his feelings inside and pretending it wasn't more than simple lust? Now he knew Kazunari was feeling the same but then why was it still so hard for him to admit everything? He was still wondering about everything when the doctors were busy with Nino, checking everything and finally getting him back into the room when they were done.
"Looks like your wounds are recovering well. You need to rest for at least a week more before you can move around again. After that we can take a look at the best options for full recovery. You are really lucky that the paramedics were there just in time and I don't even want to think about your situation if the bullet went through only a little bit higher. So make sure not to move too much for the next two days and stay in bed and rest for the rest of the week." Both Nino and Jun nodded and watched the doctor leave the room. Again an awkward silence filled the air.
"Well, you heard what he said, you need to rest."
"J..."
"I think it is better for me to leave you alone then." He was already on his feet, ready to go away.
"Jun wait. We still need to talk." Matsumoto looked at the man on the bed, his heart crushing when he saw how weak he still looked.
"What is there to talk about? Things will only be more complicated if we do. Even if we would want to continue this in some sort of way we still can't. You can't avoid the Watches anymore, they know you have your memories back now. I think it's for the best if I'll go right now and leave you alone from now on like you wanted before we get in serious trouble." Nino looked at him a bit confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Now that you have your memories back you will probably get back to the Light Watch right? I bet you didn't safe me to end up in jail after so it's better if we cut all connections right now before it's too late. I'm glad you will be okay. Take care." Jun turned around to leave the room again, barely able to open the door with his shaking hands. Why did he have to act so cold right now? There would be some solution somewhere for them, especially when they saved the Treaty and with that the world together twice. He hoped Nino would call him back but when he didn't he closed the door behind him and left the hospital. Somewhere on his way home he felt something wet on his cheeks and he quickly wiped away the tears that were apparently rolling down. It was better this way; nobody would get in danger or go into jail anymore like this. But that didn't stop his heart from hurting so damn much, knowing this time he wouldn't go back anymore. He didn't even care to get the notice from his door as he went straight to his bedroom.
"I loved you too..." He softly muttered just before his head hit his pillow and he immediately fell into a deep slumber, exhausted from the lack of sleep from the last few days.
***
A week passed by quietly. Jun still drove past the hospital a couple of times, wanting to go in but telling himself over and over again it was better this way. After sleeping for almost a day when he had left the hospital he went back to work, not really feeling like it but it was better than sitting at his home alone. This time he convinced Takeo-sama that he was fine and that he really wanted to get back to work after such a long time and to his relief his boss hadn't refused him. There was still a lot of paperwork to do from saving the Treaty this time and after that was done he had talked about his promotion with the head of the Dark Watch. His rank was added up again and he couldn't stop the thought that now he had the same rank as Ninomiya. Not that it would change anything...
He almost jumped up in surprise when he phone suddenly went off. He frowned when he saw the caller's id and picked up quickly.
"Sakurai-san, what..."
"Matsumoto-san, Ninomiya-san is... Well I'm not sure how I can say this but..." He was alarmed immediately by the stutter of the normally fluent speaking Border Watch officer.
"What's wrong?!"
"I'm not sure. I think... It might be better if you come here and..." Jun didn't listen to the rest of Sakurai's words as he was already inside his car, starting the engine as fast as he could. All the way to the hospital he could only think of Ninomiya's pale face and weak voice before he had collapsed in the warehouse.
J... I loved you...
"Shit..." He stepped on the gas even stronger. He didn't even mind parking his car normally in a parking space, just jumped out as soon as he reached the hospital and ran through the corridors to Ninomiya's room. As soon as he threw the door open his mouth fell open, seeing there was absolutely nothing wrong with the man on the bed. In fact, he was looking much better and was sitting up straight, looking at him with that annoying smirk.
"Well that was fast." Jun was too surprised to speak, looking at the other man who apparently tricked him in getting here.
"What the hell! I thought something happened!"
"Relax princess. Actually something did happen, or more like didn't happen. I expected you to come here a bit more often, I don't feel like we are done talking yet." Jun stepped closer with fire burning in his eyes.
"Yes we are done. I said everything I wanted to say last time and I thought I was quite clear."
"You didn't give me a chance to say anything. I don't like the way you used my weak state to get away so I'm not done yet." Ninomiya said annoyed.
"That doesn't matter anymore Kazu. It's over okay? Get over it."
"I saved your life and this is what I get in return? You really are a bastard J!"
"I didn't ask you to come and save me. I was handling the situation pretty well on my own."
"Oh please. If you didn't want me to interfere, don't send a suicide note." Jun rolled his eyes.
"I wouldn't have if I would have known you would come running to me straight away like some prince on a white horse. Look where it brought you, you could have died!"
"Feeling guilty J?" He wanted to wipe that annoying smirk off the older man's face. Yes he felt guilty for what happened. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if Kazunari would have died there.
"I have work to do..." He muttered, turning around.
"You are a coward Jun!" He heard the other man yell right before he closed the door behind him. Yes he was a coward, he didn't need Nino to tell him that. But why couldn't he walk away now? Somehow his hand refused to let go of the door he was still holding. He couldn't forgive himself if he walked away now, he knew that but he didn't dare to face the truth. Yes he loved Kazunari, he loved him for all this time but at the same time he still felt afraid to say it out loud. He missed the moment where he pushed the door back open and stormed back inside the small room.
"Yes I'm a coward but you are no better! You were the one who chickened out in the first place by erasing your memories without saying anything even though we both knew there was something more. You were the one who left, not me!"
"Are you still angry about that? If I wouldn't have erased them we would probably be in some kind of crazy sex relationship right now. Nothing more but now it's different."
"How is it different? It still was some kind of sex relationship we had now, I can't see it any different."
"No, you said it J... It wasn't only for the sex."
"No it wasn't, you are right. I loved you too Kazu but I guess it is no use anymore. I'm sorry..."
"Stop acting like some drama queen!" Nino yelled but his voice lost his power halfway the sentence, his face showing pain which made Jun rush towards him right away. His hands reaching out were pushed away by the smaller man.
"There is another way of doing this but I need to know for sure first. Did you say the truth just now? No games or fancy words to get into my pants, just the truth?" Jun sighed and sat down on the chair he was used to by now. It was really time to let all guards down, face everything without desperately trying to hide the truth.
"Yes Kazu. I love you. I really love you even though God probably forbade it since it is such a hard thing to do."
"You make it sound like some cheeky love story" Nino laughed but he groaned softly right after and clenched his hand to his side.
"Suits you right." Jun softly muttered and at the same time he felt his stomach getting warm now that he finally said it. He didn't regret it at all but at the same time he wondered how they could possibly go on now when Ninomiya would get back to work.