[Multichapter] The beginning (4/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: R-ish (this chapter)- some unsuitable behavior of minor
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
He was always an owl; the night was his time to create, work and simply rest. However this time it was a bit different. Sakurai couldn't sleep, even if he knew he should, thinking about everything that happened in his life recently. Both, his thoughts and stress that he has less and less hours to sleep before he will have to get up made him wide awake. After wriggling on the couch for over an hour he decided to get up and make himself some hot cocoa. It always had calmed him down and made him sleepy no matter what troubles he had. And right now his life changed completely... First Ryou, or as he introduced himself recently - Masaki, who with strange and weird twist of fate became his ward. This alone made Sho stressed enough. The editor didn't know how to behave when he was close to the boy, not sure how he should treat him, more like a brother or like a son? More over, even though Sakurai was aware that Masaki is one hundred per cent healthy, both physically and mentally, he caught himself on talking to the younger one like to a very small child. As it this alone wasn't enough, the strange conversation with Ninomiya he had the other day... What was the meaning of this? Why the writer insists on him so much?
"He is in love with you, Sho-kun, no doubt!" Sakurai imitated Ohno's voice and laughed, shaking his head and sighing. With a big, green mug of cocoa with few marshmallows the editor sat on the chair and stared at the small white marbles which slowly melted in hot drink, not seeing anything. "I should stop thinking so much..." He whispered to himself and blew on the steaming cocoa, sipping it slowly afterwards. Sho lost track of time and he didn't even notice that the half empty mug is already cold and Masaki is staring at him, standing in the door, hugging his beloved piece of clothing.
"I am sorry, did I wake you up?" Sakurai asked, concerned but all he received as a reply were the younger one's eyes, filled with sadness and... guilt? The editor sighed and got up, gently pushing the latter to the bedroom without a word. At the same time he tried to be as delicate as he could; the last thing he wanted was Masaki thinking some bad things about him. When he was sure that the younger is tugged well, he got up and wanted to leave, but his wrist was grabbed by the other's hand tightly. However after less than a minute Masaki let Sho go and turned around, facing the wall. The editor wanted to ask if the latter is okay, but he resigned in the end, feeling sleepiness hitting him as well. He had to check two short novels tomorrow and he will need a fresh mind, so he shuffled to the living room, jumped on the couch and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. That night he didn't see any dreams, getting up later than he should have to manage do his work before afternoon. After making a quick breakfast to the younger one and drinking big cup of coffee he sat in his usual place and turned his white laptop on. Focused on his work Sakurai corrected some mistakes and added few comments to the first text. The editor didn't notice that Masaki was sitting very close to him, not moving at all and breathing noiselessly. The boy was staring at the latter, smiling and at the same time trying to become invisible not to disturb him. Just when the boy's stomach growled, Sakurai frowned and looked at him, worrying.
"Why didn't you tell me you're hungry?" Sho asked but just after he did, he sighed, remembering that the latter doesn't talk. Rubbing his temples the editor got up and went to the kitchen to make something to eat, scolding himself for being so careless. How come he accepted the offer of being somebody's guardian when he can't take care of himself? How many times before he didn't eat for three days in a row, just because he forgot to go shopping and when he remembered about it he was way too busy? It was time for getting a grip on things. The editor has somebody he has to take care of and that meant shopping at least once a week. He was Masaki's guardian after all.
"Guardian, huh?" Sakurai whispered, looking at the bottle of soy sauce and jumped, startled that the mug that the latter was drinking the apple juice from hit the floor. Fortunately it didn't break, but the liquid surely made a small mess and Sho had to clean it. The teenager was pouting and hid his face in the coat, probably guilty of his rashness what made Sho smile and ruffle his hair, ensuring everything is fine.
"Don't worry, Masaki. It was just a bit of juice. I am not mad." The older man tried to sound calm and friendly, soon getting back to preparing some chicken. He tried harder than anytime before, making sure the dish is not too salty and as tasty as possible. It wasn't a secret that he was bad at cooking but this time he wasn't making food for himself and this gave him hope that it will be edible. Taking a deep breath he put the plate in front of the boy, looking at his reactions.
"Hope it's good..." Sakurai chuckled nervously and sat on the chair in front of the latter. Masaki took a first bite and it was clearly visible he tries not to wince and chews the meat long before he swallows it with slight effort. Sho frowned and cursed quietly and shook his head. "Sorry... I will order something..." He tried to take the plate away from the younger one but Masaki just pulled it closer to himself and continued eating, without showing it wasn't tasty. Small drops of sweat decorated his temples, but he just kept chewing, not reacting on Sakurai's protests. Maybe it wasn't that bad? the editor thought and took a piece of chicken from the leftovers that were still on the frying pan. It wasn't bad. It was disgusting, burned and too salty so Sho couldn't have it in his mouth for more than a second. The editor looked at the latter and frowned.
"You didn't' have to eat it..." The older one stated and gave Masaki glass of cold water, which boy drank in one go. Sakurai figured out that the younger one didn't want to make him feel bad but this had quote opposite result. With loud sigh the editor knelt in front of the latter and smiled gently.
"If it's not edible or just not tasty, you don't have to eat it. I know I am a terrible cook... Let's make a deal. If the food I make won't suit you, just let me know, ok?" Masaki nodded, but it was visible he is sad, maybe even close to tears but he didn't cry. He just nodded again, smiled and got up, starting washing the dishes even with Sakurai's oppose. The older man frowned and started to wonder why does he treats his new roommate as a child or disabled teenager. Masaki was around sixteen years old, he knew how to write... Few days ago Sho saw him reading a book. It wasn't anything easy; it was one of the scripts Sakurai had to edit. The boy was clearly reacting on the text, which meant he understood it. And that could mean only one thing - he was whether attending to some school or was taught by somebody. Masaki had to have a guardian... If that was true then why nobody came to the hospital or reported his missing to the police? The editor's head started to ache from all that thinking, so he decided to take some painkiller before the sore will become unbearable. He took a pill and drank full glass of water and then his eyes met the boy's. The younger one looked really worried.
"I am fine, it's just a slight headache. I have to get back to work though..." Sho smiled weakly, rubbed his eyes and went to the living room, taking unfinished script in his hand. Fortunately only few pages left and he will be able to call it a day after he finishes it. Sakurai was focused on the text and didn't hear nor noticed that the younger one sat next to him, a bit too close. Just when Masaki's hand landed on the latter's thigh, he frowned and raised his gaze without asking any questions. The teenager smiled and there was something dangerous in this smile. Something vicious and at the same time angelic; naughty and innocent... This is a look of an experienced prostitute... Came across the editor's mind and he gasped to his own thoughts. Where that boy knew such tricks from?! Why...?
The question couldn't form its shape in Sho's mind when the other's hand moved a bit higher, stopping just an inch from his crotch, just as if Masaki was hesitating if he really can continue. Sakurai frowned and just shook his head, remembering very well how the boy reacted after he had pushed him away when the younger one wanted to kiss him. The teenager ignored those weak protests and didn't stop, moving closer and closer, his hand finally landing on the most sensitive part of the editor's body. Sho was hesitating whether he should just repeat no until the latter will listen to him or react quite harsh, risking hurting the boy again and that was a mistake. Masaki managed to open his zipper and just when his fingers sneaked inside Sakurai's jeans the older one had to react.
"No!" The editor said, maybe a bit too harsh and moved away, fixing his clothes and trying to hide the blush and slowly awakening member from the taller one's eyes. When he finally dared to look at the boy, who was still kneeling on the floor he saw tears running down his cheeks and he was on the edge of hysteria. Sho took a deep breath and crouched in front of the latter, trying to make his voice sound as calm and easy as possible.
"Masaki, it's okay. I am not mad, don't worry... Just please, don't do anything like that anymore. This is just wrong and..." Before the editor managed to end the sentence, the latter stood up and started to sob heavily, holding his head and making some inarticulate sounds just as if he wanted to scream but tears squeezed his throat. Sakurai didn't know what to do. It was a new situation for him and, as a loner, he had difficulties with interacting with other people. He didn't know how to comfort them, make them laugh or just feel better. The editor wanted to hug Masaki but at the same time he was afraid this will show the boy that he can touch him in that way again. The older one had to look puzzled, because the latter groaned loudly and rushed to the place where Sho held small pieces of paper and pencils in case he had to note something. The teenager took first sheet, scribbled something fast and threw it on the floor. He repeated this at least seven more times until he threw the pencil towards Sakurai and ran to the bedroom, hiding under the blanket to cry quietly. The editor closed his eyes for a while and then, after he had calmed down, he started to pick up the notes Masaki just wrote, reading them and gasping with each word he saw. At first sight it were just random words, without any meaning but when you looked closer, there was a link between them, scary even though nothing was certain at this point.
Masaki.
Not good.
Not like.
Inside. Head.
Not enough.
Leave.
Rain
Sho didn't quite understand what those notes had in common with each other and to be honest he was too scared to want to know that. The editor hid the pieces of paper in the drawer and went to the bedroom to talk with the boy but the sight he found there was even more terrifying. Masaki was sitting on the floor, still crying, holding the coat tightly and hitting his head against the wall and mumbling something that could be taken for a word. Sakurai rushed towards the younger one, knelt next to him and held his head, making sure the teenager won't hurt himself.
"Masaki, please, calm down. I... I am not mad and I... Shit, I don't know what to say..." The older man bit his lower lip and did the only thing that came across his mind - hugged the other one, rocking him gently. The teenager pushed Sakurai away and kept banging his head against the wall but at the same time he stopped crying, looking at the man in front of him with the saddest eyes Sho have ever seen.
"P-penance..." This was the first word that Masaki spoke, with his hoarse voice before his eyes rolled back and he slid down the wall.
***
Sakurai didn't know what to do and he started to think that taking the boy under his roof was a mistake. Not because he had to take care of him or he found the presence of the latter annoying but because nobody knew anything about Masaki's past. Right now the younger one was sleeping in the bed with cold, wet cloth on forehead and the editor was sitting on the floor close to him. The older man tried to fit the puzzles inside his mind, but he had only few unclear pieces which made things even more complicated. Sho recalled all words that the latter wrote not so long ago and tried to connect them with the only one that left Masaki's throat. The editor's head started to ache from all that thinking, so he decided to leave it for now and take some rest. Sakurai's mind apparently didn't want to let him relax, because soon when he stopped wondering about the boy's past, thoughts about his work took place inside his head. Hopefully his co-worker will come in the morning to take the scripts, so he doesn't have to worry about leaving the teenager alone but someday he will have to go to the office or to Ninomiya's house. Can he leave Masaki alone?
"Stop worrying too much you idiot..." Sho whispered and went to the living room. He needed some fresh air so he opened the window and took few deep breaths to clear his mind. All Sakurai wanted right now was stop thinking about anything and just go to sleep but when he looked at the clock he realized it was way too early to go to bed. Loud sigh left his lungs and before he even could decide what he will do to kill time, a doorbell sounded in the apartment. The editor rushed to the door to open them before Masaki will wake up because of the noise and he saw his own best friend on the other side, grinning and holding a bag filled with beers.
"Guess who's back!" Ohno get inside the apartment like he always did, heading straight to the kitchen. Sho smiled, happy he will be able to talk with Satoshi and probably share his doubts and thoughts and just simply rest. When both men sat on the floor the older one drank a big gulp from his can and looked at his silent friend.
"You look like shit."
"Thanks. I am happy to see you too..." Sakurai laughed bitterly and leaned against the couch. After a short while of silence the editor told the latter everything that happened earlier that day and shared what was in his mind.
"Don't you think you should try to find out about his past? Not from simple curiosity but that can help you understand his actions. And I think you forgot what I have told you before. He is a teenager, hormones are boiling blood in his veins. Apparently he prefers boys and he likes you. Or mixes up gratitude with love. Sho-kun, the question is not his behavior towards you but your feelings. Did you feel anything when he touched you?" Since when Ohno became so straightforward?! Sakurai blushed and mumbled something incoherently, drinking his beer. What he was supposed to say? That he got a boner just because somebody touched him? On the other hand, was it so strange that he reacted on that? Long time passed since Sho was close to anybody; it should be quite natural and normal. Satoshi stared at the latter in silence and probably understood everything wrongly, because next sentence that left his mouth made Sakurai choke with his drink.
"Maybe you should just gave in and sleep with him?"
"W-what?!" The editor coughed, spilling dome beer on his jeans. "Are you crazy?! He is underage and I am his guardian, this is wrong!" Sho raised his voice, but winced, remembering he should be quiet not to wake up the boy sleeping in the next room. Ohno smirked and got up, taking a small and ugly panda keychain and giving it to his friend.
"Here, omiyage. I should go now, work tomorrow. Sho-kun... Take care of yourself, okay?" When the younger one nodded and smiled, Satoshi patted his shoulder and headed towards the door. Just before he pressed the knob, he turned around and looked at the latter seriously. "One more thing. You didn't talk about your own feelings Sho-kun. Just about the social issues. Think about that. Goodnight."
"Goodnight..." The editor whispered to the already closed door and sighed. More thinking, huh? Came across his mind and he went to the living room, to clean the cans but he found Masaki, quietly picking them up from the floor.
"Are you okay? You should be resting... How's your head?" Sho frowned worried and observed the teenager carefully, keeping safe distance. The younger one just nodded and didn't look at the latter until he finished cleaning. When the taller boy was heading to the bedroom, he stopped next to Sakurai and just then his eyes fell on the older man's face. Before the editor could say a word, Masaki came closer and just hugged him gently, afraid of being pushed away again. However this time Sho embraced the latter, promising himself not to think too much. A simple hug won't hurt anyone, right? Even if in Sho's mind Ohno's words were echoing, directing the spotlight to the emotions in his heart that were asleep for a very long time.