(no subject)
I have been recalling painful memories, in my bed at night.
Some i can't even begin to remember before my brain blocks them out.
I don't know why all of a sudden they seem so important, or why i want to go to my grandmothers house and sit in his closet and smell his clothes, or go in his untouched washroom where his bathrobe still hangs and his bottles of shampoo sit dry, in the shower. Or why it seems so long ago when he used to wiggle his ears and tell me i was beautiful and i believed it. Or why it seems like ages ago we sat on benches together and watched people, not talking just watching, him tapping playfully and dancing with his cane, him smiling, him in his big winter coat, sleeping on the couch, his perfectly kept nails, his smile, his smile, his smile.
The way my mom looks when she talks about him.
The way the bad things never seem to matter .
The way he drank too much scotch and ate too much ice cream.
The way he is fading from my head, and the awful feeling that goes along with that.
Some i can't even begin to remember before my brain blocks them out.
I don't know why all of a sudden they seem so important, or why i want to go to my grandmothers house and sit in his closet and smell his clothes, or go in his untouched washroom where his bathrobe still hangs and his bottles of shampoo sit dry, in the shower. Or why it seems so long ago when he used to wiggle his ears and tell me i was beautiful and i believed it. Or why it seems like ages ago we sat on benches together and watched people, not talking just watching, him tapping playfully and dancing with his cane, him smiling, him in his big winter coat, sleeping on the couch, his perfectly kept nails, his smile, his smile, his smile.
The way my mom looks when she talks about him.
The way the bad things never seem to matter .
The way he drank too much scotch and ate too much ice cream.
The way he is fading from my head, and the awful feeling that goes along with that.