(no subject)
I predict that this week will be stressful. I'm not so stressy right now, but I'm sure I will be. Friday.. was bad. Just bad. I'm not sure I even know why. I was okay, then I went to take a shower and started crying. And then things happened over here on the online-thing and it made that a hell of a lot worse. Saturday was similarly bad, but more in the stressed out: Ohgod, I need things for a project that's due next week and don't have them and you motherfucking BASTARD, you said you'd help me and now you're claiming you won't? FUCK YOU! .. got things, had to bus home, taped one of said things (a hat, covered it in ducttape) went to sleep. Today was less bad until Megan got pissed at me for fucking up in Pokemon. And apparently remained pissed at me. Or it seemed like it. Which does not make me feel nice, but what the hell ever. I glued 599 thumbtacks to the taped-up hat, I'm going to need a lot more to cover the rest of it. I ran out. I guess I get to walk to Rite Aid or something tomorrow to see if I can find boxes of thumbtacks that aren't horribly expensive. Yay. I have not started either of the other two hats. I'm thinking of taping up the other one before I go to sleep. Might do it in class tomorrow instead. They're due, all three of them, this Wednesday. Which is really awful lovely. Oh yes it is. The silkscreen project is also due this wednesday, and I'm fairly sure I won' tbe finished by then. Yay. And I really don't know what to do. Because I can't go there for the nightclasses, because it's way too late at night for me to bus there and home. And I can't really ask Rosie to drive me, because she's pretty much finished with hers.. I guess I can see if Corin will be going in to finish hers, and if she is ask her for a ride..
Tuesday I'm expecting to be bad. Because Life Drawing has taken up always being bad as of last week and the recent change in the Status of my friend. Which is lovely, really. Everso. But fuck, I've turned off the crush before, so I can fucking do it again. Hell if it seemed like it was reciprocated for a little bit, it fucking isn't now and I should just get over it and stay the fuck over it because it's never going to fucking happen. And I don't care to start crying again, so I'm going to stay off of that vein. Okay? Okay. Tuesday will also suck because I'll be doing all of the goddamn hat-project that day. Or I'll be doing a Lot of it that day. At least.
Adding to this, I woke up today with a crust of blood all over my lips because the canker sore that WILL NOT GO AWAY (it's been there for at least a month now, likely more) split open last night. It also split open again when I brushed my teeth, and another time later because it got poked with food. I hate this. I hate just.. tasting like blood and fucking chloraseptic all the time. I hate that worse, tasting chloraseptic 24-7 and still fucking hurting. There's the big one that won't go away on my upper lip, another big one on my tongue, one waaaay in the back of my mouth over where my wisdom teeth used to be.. Those are the big ones. And. Just. Fuckit.
.. I want all this stress to go away. Now. Keep feeling like I'm fucking being left out of things, feeling like I keep getting myself on everyone's badside, and I want it to just go the fuck away..
.. and I'm going to stop now, because this is not helping.
Tuesday I'm expecting to be bad. Because Life Drawing has taken up always being bad as of last week and the recent change in the Status of my friend. Which is lovely, really. Everso. But fuck, I've turned off the crush before, so I can fucking do it again. Hell if it seemed like it was reciprocated for a little bit, it fucking isn't now and I should just get over it and stay the fuck over it because it's never going to fucking happen. And I don't care to start crying again, so I'm going to stay off of that vein. Okay? Okay. Tuesday will also suck because I'll be doing all of the goddamn hat-project that day. Or I'll be doing a Lot of it that day. At least.
Adding to this, I woke up today with a crust of blood all over my lips because the canker sore that WILL NOT GO AWAY (it's been there for at least a month now, likely more) split open last night. It also split open again when I brushed my teeth, and another time later because it got poked with food. I hate this. I hate just.. tasting like blood and fucking chloraseptic all the time. I hate that worse, tasting chloraseptic 24-7 and still fucking hurting. There's the big one that won't go away on my upper lip, another big one on my tongue, one waaaay in the back of my mouth over where my wisdom teeth used to be.. Those are the big ones. And. Just. Fuckit.
.. I want all this stress to go away. Now. Keep feeling like I'm fucking being left out of things, feeling like I keep getting myself on everyone's badside, and I want it to just go the fuck away..
.. and I'm going to stop now, because this is not helping.