.. left scattered on the floor..
..not having a good time, no.
Spent most of yesterday being stressed, going back and forth between numerous shops at the mall looking for shit that did not appear to be there. In particular, plaster. Later that evening, spent a fair bit of time feeling worthless. Donno if I should be hanging around a group that makes me feel like I suck half the time. Later still, my monitor made a loud popping noise and, apparently, died. Would not show anything except a single white line across the center of the screen.
I managed not to freak out over this, but I didn't much feel like sleeping. Ended up awake until 5:30-6 in the morning, watching Gozu and trying not to think.
Woke up around 9:30 to call Darien and ask what I should do about the monitor, told mom who said she'd check out Comp USA with Fred. I tried to go back to sleep. Managed to doze for maybe an hour before they came back empty handed and loud. Stayed up since then, because I couldn't get back to sleep. Mixed plaster and shit. Hung out with Megan, which was fun. Then she left and my project wasn't done, and mom started fucking screaming at me and just.. people over here had me feeling unnecessary and worthless again, and I just gave up. Cried a lot, might start again, my eyes feel like it. Finished the sculpture with mom alternating between screaming at me and trying to be nice. Wanted to take a shower after that so I could sleep, but the hot water wasn't working.
.. I think lack of sleep is what's fucking up my head so much. Should be. Probably. Lack of sleep and being really fucking stressed out lately.
.. so. Five drawings of my feet in charcoal due next week, along with possibly a portfolio. The week after that (I think) I also have a trade due, which I haven't been able to make myself start. Don't finish anything lately, I shouldn't join these things until I finish the other shit that I owe people. But I don't know if that'll ever happen. I forget, and then when I remember again, it's so far past that I feel all ashamed and shit finishing it.
.. I could rant more, but it doesn't seem to be helping my mood so I'm not going to bother. Figure tomorrow's going to be a get-home-and-go-to-sleep kind of day.
Spent most of yesterday being stressed, going back and forth between numerous shops at the mall looking for shit that did not appear to be there. In particular, plaster. Later that evening, spent a fair bit of time feeling worthless. Donno if I should be hanging around a group that makes me feel like I suck half the time. Later still, my monitor made a loud popping noise and, apparently, died. Would not show anything except a single white line across the center of the screen.
I managed not to freak out over this, but I didn't much feel like sleeping. Ended up awake until 5:30-6 in the morning, watching Gozu and trying not to think.
Woke up around 9:30 to call Darien and ask what I should do about the monitor, told mom who said she'd check out Comp USA with Fred. I tried to go back to sleep. Managed to doze for maybe an hour before they came back empty handed and loud. Stayed up since then, because I couldn't get back to sleep. Mixed plaster and shit. Hung out with Megan, which was fun. Then she left and my project wasn't done, and mom started fucking screaming at me and just.. people over here had me feeling unnecessary and worthless again, and I just gave up. Cried a lot, might start again, my eyes feel like it. Finished the sculpture with mom alternating between screaming at me and trying to be nice. Wanted to take a shower after that so I could sleep, but the hot water wasn't working.
.. I think lack of sleep is what's fucking up my head so much. Should be. Probably. Lack of sleep and being really fucking stressed out lately.
.. so. Five drawings of my feet in charcoal due next week, along with possibly a portfolio. The week after that (I think) I also have a trade due, which I haven't been able to make myself start. Don't finish anything lately, I shouldn't join these things until I finish the other shit that I owe people. But I don't know if that'll ever happen. I forget, and then when I remember again, it's so far past that I feel all ashamed and shit finishing it.
.. I could rant more, but it doesn't seem to be helping my mood so I'm not going to bother. Figure tomorrow's going to be a get-home-and-go-to-sleep kind of day.