Corrections to "Who the Dickens?" (i21st.cn)
Source
All of my text will be in this color. I will not be correcting every error in usage and grammar, but I will cover the most obvious ones. Since I teach composition, I will also make or suggest some changes in style. These are not grammatical changes, but they make the composition sound better and/or flow more freely. Of course, what makes good style is subjective. So you don't have to agree on my stylistic changes.
Who the Dickens?
来源：高中版第210期 日期: 2010-03-31
外研版高二年级：Literature
关键词：Words from Oliver Twist
话题归类:文学与艺术Literature and art
A look back at the life of the man who wrote 'Oliver Twist' <--I bolded this line because it is the subtitle to the article.
ASK any student to say one thing they know about Charles Dickens, and it is very likely they will say Oliver Twist.
Style: Replace passive with active voice: ..., and they will very likely say Oliver Twist.*
*Note: Oliver Twist should be in italics if it refers to the novel Oliver Twist.
His Dickens's classic tale of a poor orphan boy strikes at the heart of all those who have ever wanted "more", as Oliver did.
Who does His refer to? The most natural reading is to the most recent noun. This noun is Oliver Twist. This is not right. The correct antecedent is Charles Dickens, so replace His with Dickens's. (Note: almost all style books say Dickens's. Perhaps the APA Style Guide is the only major guide to say Dickens'.)
Style: Regarding the phrase/idiom strikes at the heart of all those..., I am really not sure what the author means, and I am not sure if the phrase is appropriate here. It seems to me that a phrase such as touches the heart(s) of all those... or tugs at the heart(s) of all those... is much better.
And now, Dickens' classic scenes of the lives of the Victorian British poor will appear in a big screen movie, "Oliver Twist," an adaptation of his classic tale directed by Roman Polanski.
Dickens's, not Dickens'. (Okay, note that Dickens' is okay (barely), as long as it is used consistently throughout the article. But I prefer Dickens's, because it is the much more common and recommended way of making the possessive of Dickens.)
Oliver Twist in italics, because it refers to the name of the movie.
Important: directed by Roman Polanski is a dangling participle. It sounds as if "his classic tale" (e.g., the novel) is directed by Roman Polanski! The participle directed by Roman Polanski should be next to the noun it modifies, in this case "adaptation," or in general, the movie.
Style: we try to stay away from repeating the same word close together The repetition of "classic scenes" and "classic tale" is best removed. Also, "in a big screen movie" does not sound very natural.
A rewrite of the sentence that takes into account all the above remarks:
And now, Dickens's classic scenes of the lives of the Victorian poor will appear on screen in Oliver Twist, Roman Polanski's film adaptation of the famous novel.
The new film is not meant for younger viewers, and is meant for children over 13. For those old enough to enjoy it, however, the film shows just how long people have been enjoying Dickens' remarkable literature. His short stories and essays began appearing in magazines in 1833. "Oliver Twist" was published in 1837 - more than 165 years ago.
Let's look at the first sentence, and then the next two together.
1. The new film is not meant for younger viewers, and is meant for children over 13.
Note the corrected spelling of viewers.
Style: The reappearance of the word "film" here is okay. In this case, using the same word serves to connect the opening thought of this sentence with the closing thought of the previous one. As such, this method works very well. As an alternative, the word "film" could have been left out of the preceding sentence (the one I rewrote).
Style: However, the repetition of "is not meant" and "is meant" shows poor style. The sentence can state the fact once by saying
The new film is not meant for children under 14.
2. For those old enough to enjoy it, however, the film shows just how long people have been enjoying Dickens's remarkable literature. His short stories and essays began appearing in magazines in 1833. "Oliver Twist" was published in 1837 - more than 165 years ago.
These two sentences need to be rewritten. As they are, they do not effectively get across the main idea. I think the main idea is that because people today are enjoying a new film adaptation of Oliver Twist, this shows that the works of Dickens have been enjoyed for more than 165 years. Even the logic is flawed, because the film adaptation is not, strictly speaking, a work of Dickens. It is based on, or inspired by, a work of Dickens. Notice the word "adaptation." Anyway, the author does not express him or herself well here.
Note: 1837 - more than 165 years ago is not standard punctuation.
Instead a single hyphen (-), one should use the em-dash (-). If one's word processor cannot make an em-dash (it is a special character), two hyphens, one after another, (--) will work. Thus: 1837-more than 165 years ago or, if necessary, 1837 -- more than 165 years ago.
Phew! Let's take a break!
Okay, break over!
But there is a reason for that break. Unlike the first part of this article, the rest of the article sounds much more natural. The mistakes are not so glaring, and the wording flows pretty well. It is not great writing, but it is typical.
Notice below that the writer has Oliver Twist in quotation marks, This is incorrect. Titles of novels, plays, movies, works of art (paintings, sculptures, etc,) are put in italics. This usage is not considered optional.
"Oliver Twist" Oliver Twist tells the story of an orphan forced to live in a workhouse headed by the awful Mr Bumble, who cheats the boys who work there out of their already low pay. Oliver decides to escape to the streets of London, where he meets a thief called Fagin, played by Sir Ben Kingsley, who leads him into a world of crime.
Style: "already" is awkward in this sentence. It should be eliminated. If the author wants to emphasize that the pay is low, the author can simply say "low pay" or say "pay, which is low" or perhaps "pay, which is low to begin with." This is much better style than the yucky use of "already."
Several of Dickens' books have been made into films and television series, including 2002's "Nicholas Nickleby" and 2000's "David Copperfield." And several versions of "A Christmas Carol" have entertained audiences for years.
Again, Dickens's is much preferred. In addition, all three titles should be in italics, not in quotations marks.
We thought this would be a good time to take a look at the man behind the words and see what kind of experiences helped shape and affect one of the best-known writers of all time.
Dickens' childhood Dickens's childhood
Charles Dickens was born on February 7, 1812, to John and Elizabeth Dickens. When Dickens was 12, his father was sent to prison for not paying his debts. As the oldest boy in the family, Charles became head of the household. To help support his family, he quit school and got a job at a shoe factory. He hated his job - an experience that would influence some of his future writing. He once wrote that he wondered "how I could have been so easily cast away at such an age". He wrote about feeling lonely and betrayed in "David Copperfield" and "Great Expectations."
Style/usage: the author has not used Charles Dickens since the first sentence. Since this section starts a sort of mini-biography, it might be a good time to "remind" everyone of which Dickens we are talking about. In addition, using Charles Dickens here gives a better foundation for the use of the first name by itself in two of the upcoming sentences.
Usage: to hate one's job is not an experience, it is an emotion. So it is best to rewrite this, if one ones to write best. Note that one can have the experience of hating one's job. Thus:
He hated his job-the experience of which would influence...
Titles go in italics, not quotation marks.
After three months, his father was released from prison and Charles was able to go back to school.
Good! Note that there is no comma before the conjunction "and." English language learners might have been taught to always put a comma before a conjunction. But here is one place where omitting the comma works great. The conjunction "and" connects two short sentences; in addition, the two sentences have a temporal or causative relationship. All in all, omitting the comma here keeps the flow of the writing going. In addition, when you read or say this sentence, you don't pause before the "and," so the omission of the comma reflects this.
In 1827, he left school to work as an office boy for a lawyer. This was when he decided to be a journalist. He found some work and published his first piece, "A Dinner at Poplar Walk," in 1833. Three years later, he married Catherine Hogarth.
Here the title of the "piece" or short story is correctly placed in quotation marks. Note the comma after "later." This is fine; it is not absolutely necessary. If we say the sentence, we would probably not say it with much pause after "later." But in writing, it is common to use a comma after such an introductory phrase. I am not going to call attention to the remaining titles of novels found in this articles. If they are novels, they go in italics.
Important topics
In his novels, Dickens wrote about several important issues. He talked about the Poor Law Amendment Act of 1824 in "Oliver Twist"; the French Revolution in "A Tale of Two Cities"; and helping the poor in "Hard Times."
Style: When we read the Poor Law Amendment Act and then the French Revolution, we expect a third example on par with these first two, which are specific, major events. "Helping the poor" is important. But it is not a specific, major event. So I would encourage a student to rewrite this, somehow.
One of Dickens' best-known books is the first Christmas book he wrote - "A Christmas Carol" (1843), about a mean man called Ebenezer Scrooge.
Usage: "Mean man" sounds like a phrase a child would use. A synonym works better. The traditional word for Scrooge is "miser."
When Dickens died on June 8, 1870 - a day after suffering a stroke - he left one unfinished book, "The Mystery of Edwin Drood." He was buried at Westminster Abbey in London on June 14, 1870.
Was Dickens paid?
I do not understand why the writer chooses to include this section. Of course, Dickens was paid.
Many people say that Dickens was paid for his stories.
This is a poor sentence. For one thing, who cares what many people say? On the other hand, it is a well-known fact that Dickens was paid. No one disputes this. Is there some special reason that the writer needs or wants to call attention to this?
His novels were published in newspapers over many weeks or months. Most of his novels, including "Nicholas Nickleby," "Little Dorrit" and "Our Mutual Friend," appeared in monthly parts, as decided by Dickens and his publishers.
The method was introduced with the 1836 publication of Dickens' first full-length novel, "The Pickwick Papers," which appeared in 20 parts over 19 months. The last part was a "double issue" that included parts 19 and 20.
The quotable Dickens
Charles Dickens has given us some of the most memorable ?and often-repeated ?lines in
literature. Here is a quick look at some of his most famous lines:
Usage: Some? "Two" would be the better word. That is, if you are mentioning only two, then say two. If you are mentioning at least three, you can use "some."
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."
("A Tale of Two Cities")
"God bless us, every one!"
(Tiny Tim in "A Christmas Carol")
I know there are some "comprehension questions" that go with this article. Later I will read them and see if the questions they ask and the answers they expect are suitable for this article.
All of my text will be in this color. I will not be correcting every error in usage and grammar, but I will cover the most obvious ones. Since I teach composition, I will also make or suggest some changes in style. These are not grammatical changes, but they make the composition sound better and/or flow more freely. Of course, what makes good style is subjective. So you don't have to agree on my stylistic changes.
Who the Dickens?
来源：高中版第210期 日期: 2010-03-31
外研版高二年级：Literature
关键词：Words from Oliver Twist
话题归类:文学与艺术Literature and art
A look back at the life of the man who wrote 'Oliver Twist' <--I bolded this line because it is the subtitle to the article.
ASK any student to say one thing they know about Charles Dickens, and it is very likely they will say Oliver Twist.
Style: Replace passive with active voice: ..., and they will very likely say Oliver Twist.*
*Note: Oliver Twist should be in italics if it refers to the novel Oliver Twist.
His Dickens's classic tale of a poor orphan boy strikes at the heart of all those who have ever wanted "more", as Oliver did.
Who does His refer to? The most natural reading is to the most recent noun. This noun is Oliver Twist. This is not right. The correct antecedent is Charles Dickens, so replace His with Dickens's. (Note: almost all style books say Dickens's. Perhaps the APA Style Guide is the only major guide to say Dickens'.)
Style: Regarding the phrase/idiom strikes at the heart of all those..., I am really not sure what the author means, and I am not sure if the phrase is appropriate here. It seems to me that a phrase such as touches the heart(s) of all those... or tugs at the heart(s) of all those... is much better.
And now, Dickens' classic scenes of the lives of the Victorian British poor will appear in a big screen movie, "Oliver Twist," an adaptation of his classic tale directed by Roman Polanski.
Dickens's, not Dickens'. (Okay, note that Dickens' is okay (barely), as long as it is used consistently throughout the article. But I prefer Dickens's, because it is the much more common and recommended way of making the possessive of Dickens.)
Oliver Twist in italics, because it refers to the name of the movie.
Important: directed by Roman Polanski is a dangling participle. It sounds as if "his classic tale" (e.g., the novel) is directed by Roman Polanski! The participle directed by Roman Polanski should be next to the noun it modifies, in this case "adaptation," or in general, the movie.
Style: we try to stay away from repeating the same word close together The repetition of "classic scenes" and "classic tale" is best removed. Also, "in a big screen movie" does not sound very natural.
A rewrite of the sentence that takes into account all the above remarks:
And now, Dickens's classic scenes of the lives of the Victorian poor will appear on screen in Oliver Twist, Roman Polanski's film adaptation of the famous novel.
The new film is not meant for younger viewers, and is meant for children over 13. For those old enough to enjoy it, however, the film shows just how long people have been enjoying Dickens' remarkable literature. His short stories and essays began appearing in magazines in 1833. "Oliver Twist" was published in 1837 - more than 165 years ago.
Let's look at the first sentence, and then the next two together.
1. The new film is not meant for younger viewers, and is meant for children over 13.
Note the corrected spelling of viewers.
Style: The reappearance of the word "film" here is okay. In this case, using the same word serves to connect the opening thought of this sentence with the closing thought of the previous one. As such, this method works very well. As an alternative, the word "film" could have been left out of the preceding sentence (the one I rewrote).
Style: However, the repetition of "is not meant" and "is meant" shows poor style. The sentence can state the fact once by saying
The new film is not meant for children under 14.
2. For those old enough to enjoy it, however, the film shows just how long people have been enjoying Dickens's remarkable literature. His short stories and essays began appearing in magazines in 1833. "Oliver Twist" was published in 1837 - more than 165 years ago.
These two sentences need to be rewritten. As they are, they do not effectively get across the main idea. I think the main idea is that because people today are enjoying a new film adaptation of Oliver Twist, this shows that the works of Dickens have been enjoyed for more than 165 years. Even the logic is flawed, because the film adaptation is not, strictly speaking, a work of Dickens. It is based on, or inspired by, a work of Dickens. Notice the word "adaptation." Anyway, the author does not express him or herself well here.
Note: 1837 - more than 165 years ago is not standard punctuation.
Instead a single hyphen (-), one should use the em-dash (-). If one's word processor cannot make an em-dash (it is a special character), two hyphens, one after another, (--) will work. Thus: 1837-more than 165 years ago or, if necessary, 1837 -- more than 165 years ago.
Phew! Let's take a break!
Okay, break over!
But there is a reason for that break. Unlike the first part of this article, the rest of the article sounds much more natural. The mistakes are not so glaring, and the wording flows pretty well. It is not great writing, but it is typical.
Notice below that the writer has Oliver Twist in quotation marks, This is incorrect. Titles of novels, plays, movies, works of art (paintings, sculptures, etc,) are put in italics. This usage is not considered optional.
"Oliver Twist" Oliver Twist tells the story of an orphan forced to live in a workhouse headed by the awful Mr Bumble, who cheats the boys who work there out of their already low pay. Oliver decides to escape to the streets of London, where he meets a thief called Fagin, played by Sir Ben Kingsley, who leads him into a world of crime.
Style: "already" is awkward in this sentence. It should be eliminated. If the author wants to emphasize that the pay is low, the author can simply say "low pay" or say "pay, which is low" or perhaps "pay, which is low to begin with." This is much better style than the yucky use of "already."
Several of Dickens' books have been made into films and television series, including 2002's "Nicholas Nickleby" and 2000's "David Copperfield." And several versions of "A Christmas Carol" have entertained audiences for years.
Again, Dickens's is much preferred. In addition, all three titles should be in italics, not in quotations marks.
We thought this would be a good time to take a look at the man behind the words and see what kind of experiences helped shape and affect one of the best-known writers of all time.
Dickens' childhood Dickens's childhood
Charles Dickens was born on February 7, 1812, to John and Elizabeth Dickens. When Dickens was 12, his father was sent to prison for not paying his debts. As the oldest boy in the family, Charles became head of the household. To help support his family, he quit school and got a job at a shoe factory. He hated his job - an experience that would influence some of his future writing. He once wrote that he wondered "how I could have been so easily cast away at such an age". He wrote about feeling lonely and betrayed in "David Copperfield" and "Great Expectations."
Style/usage: the author has not used Charles Dickens since the first sentence. Since this section starts a sort of mini-biography, it might be a good time to "remind" everyone of which Dickens we are talking about. In addition, using Charles Dickens here gives a better foundation for the use of the first name by itself in two of the upcoming sentences.
Usage: to hate one's job is not an experience, it is an emotion. So it is best to rewrite this, if one ones to write best. Note that one can have the experience of hating one's job. Thus:
He hated his job-the experience of which would influence...
Titles go in italics, not quotation marks.
After three months, his father was released from prison and Charles was able to go back to school.
Good! Note that there is no comma before the conjunction "and." English language learners might have been taught to always put a comma before a conjunction. But here is one place where omitting the comma works great. The conjunction "and" connects two short sentences; in addition, the two sentences have a temporal or causative relationship. All in all, omitting the comma here keeps the flow of the writing going. In addition, when you read or say this sentence, you don't pause before the "and," so the omission of the comma reflects this.
In 1827, he left school to work as an office boy for a lawyer. This was when he decided to be a journalist. He found some work and published his first piece, "A Dinner at Poplar Walk," in 1833. Three years later, he married Catherine Hogarth.
Here the title of the "piece" or short story is correctly placed in quotation marks. Note the comma after "later." This is fine; it is not absolutely necessary. If we say the sentence, we would probably not say it with much pause after "later." But in writing, it is common to use a comma after such an introductory phrase. I am not going to call attention to the remaining titles of novels found in this articles. If they are novels, they go in italics.
Important topics
In his novels, Dickens wrote about several important issues. He talked about the Poor Law Amendment Act of 1824 in "Oliver Twist"; the French Revolution in "A Tale of Two Cities"; and helping the poor in "Hard Times."
Style: When we read the Poor Law Amendment Act and then the French Revolution, we expect a third example on par with these first two, which are specific, major events. "Helping the poor" is important. But it is not a specific, major event. So I would encourage a student to rewrite this, somehow.
One of Dickens' best-known books is the first Christmas book he wrote - "A Christmas Carol" (1843), about a mean man called Ebenezer Scrooge.
Usage: "Mean man" sounds like a phrase a child would use. A synonym works better. The traditional word for Scrooge is "miser."
When Dickens died on June 8, 1870 - a day after suffering a stroke - he left one unfinished book, "The Mystery of Edwin Drood." He was buried at Westminster Abbey in London on June 14, 1870.
Was Dickens paid?
I do not understand why the writer chooses to include this section. Of course, Dickens was paid.
Many people say that Dickens was paid for his stories.
This is a poor sentence. For one thing, who cares what many people say? On the other hand, it is a well-known fact that Dickens was paid. No one disputes this. Is there some special reason that the writer needs or wants to call attention to this?
His novels were published in newspapers over many weeks or months. Most of his novels, including "Nicholas Nickleby," "Little Dorrit" and "Our Mutual Friend," appeared in monthly parts, as decided by Dickens and his publishers.
The method was introduced with the 1836 publication of Dickens' first full-length novel, "The Pickwick Papers," which appeared in 20 parts over 19 months. The last part was a "double issue" that included parts 19 and 20.
The quotable Dickens
Charles Dickens has given us some of the most memorable ?and often-repeated ?lines in
literature. Here is a quick look at some of his most famous lines:
Usage: Some? "Two" would be the better word. That is, if you are mentioning only two, then say two. If you are mentioning at least three, you can use "some."
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."
("A Tale of Two Cities")
"God bless us, every one!"
(Tiny Tim in "A Christmas Carol")
I know there are some "comprehension questions" that go with this article. Later I will read them and see if the questions they ask and the answers they expect are suitable for this article.