For Ana
Where Are You?
God,
Where are You when I need You?
Where is Your guiding voice?
Is it You who has moved away?
Or myself who has closed her ears?
If I were woken in the still of night,
Would I know Your voice?
Your sheep know You and follow,
But what happens if I change
And become a wayward child?
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
God,
Where are You when I need You?
Where is Your guiding voice?
Is it I who has moved away?
Or You who has ceased to call?
If I crawl into Your lap again,
Will You hold me by and by?
I’m lost without Your guidance,
But I’m horribly afraid
To fly as You have asked.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
My heart cries out to be filled with You
How can I learn to give my all
When I’m so afraid to fall?
Make it real
Give me Reason
Show me Your love...
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
02/22/00
*****
I long to hear Your voice, O God.
Why do I find it so hard to listen?
I was created to be with You
and I miss You...
I miss knowing You’re here.
I miss feeling You near.
I miss the comfort and the fear.
I miss the tears.
I miss the secret touch in a crowd,
the smile, the whispered ‘Hello.’
I miss the wonder of knowing Your presence,
the freedom, the anticipation.
I miss being held when I’m crying,
and the fear that sent me running
flying
crawling
into Your arms.
I miss being able to feel emotion
for myself
for others
for You.
How do I come back to such a beautiful place?
I want to come home...
04/24/00
*****
Why Don’t You Take Me There?
Where You Are I want to be where You are. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be with You. And I long to dwell at Your throne. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be with You. Why don’t You take me there. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be alone with you. I want to look into Your eyes. And see the tears You cried for me. I want to holed Your hand in mine. And see the tears You cried for me. And tell You I love You. Tell You I need You. Jesus I need You.
(Lyrics & Music: Simpson (c) 1999)
Why don’t You take me there? This song makes me cry every time I listen to it (cuz I have to sing along, of course).
I want to be where He is! It’s suddenly become more important to me than anything else in my life. All of my plans, all of the things and people in my life... are as nothing next to this desire... this need... to be in His presence, to be where He is.
Why can’t I get there when I want to so desperately? How much am I required to give up?
I know the answer to that: everything. I have to give up everything if I am ever to get to where He is, where He wants me to be, where I want to be.
I want to hold His hand like in the garden. I want to see Him crying for me, after all these tears I’ve shed for Him. I want to walk with Him, talk with Him... fly with Him.
He is the all-consuming flame within my soul. He is the One who put this Music inside of me, bursting to get out. He is the One who shows me forever and ever, whenever I need it, that He loves me. And He is the One who I long to be with, who I long to be a part of, who I long for...
Why don’t you take me there? I want to be with You!
05/18/00
*****
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
How am I to remember to fear
the greatness of the One who created Eternity
when I am reminded at every turn
that He is also supposed to be my best friend?
How do you fear a friend?
How am I supposed to find You
praying in the Garden of Gethsemane
when it’s the simplest of truths
that I have trouble coming to in faith?
How do you come to faith?
How can I sing Your praises
with the angels who love You unquestioningly
when I always have to ask
and I don’t want to be who I am?
How do you worship ‘I AM’?
How do I know You’re around
listening to my tearful, terrified prayers
when I can’t quiet the sounds
and come in silence to feel Your presence?
How do you enter that presence?
How do I find that place again
that I can come around the corner once more
crawl into Your lap for comfort
walk with You in the orchard
eventually fly above it all?
How do I find the You I’ve forgotten
the You I never knew
the You I need?
How can I reach far enough,
strive hard enough,
give enough,
be enough
to reach You?
How can I feel You?
I must be Thomas once again,
doubting in the face of all the evidence,
wondering if it’s really true,
hoping that it is...
knowing deep down that it has to be.
How do I come back?
Where do I go?
What do I need?
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
06/19/00
*****
I am free.
I’m free to be whoever I am at any given time.
I’m free to be happy or sad or mad.
I’m free to do whatever I please.
I am free to be.
This is such a new feeling for me. To not feel constrained or burdened by the expectations of the people around me. To know that the way I am acting directly corresponds with the way I am feeling! Wow... :)
I think I take my family by surprise sometimes. I get grumpy if I’m stuck around them too much, because I start to feel their expectations pressing in upon me.
But I’ve finally gotten to where I don’t expect anything from anyone but God. Well, I’m working on being able to expect God. That’s just a very new thing - I’ve had it backwards all my life. :)
I love this feeling. Freedom to be someone I’m just getting to know. It’s really amazing.
06/23/00
*****
How did I get back on the
wrong side
of the tunnel?
And if I find the courage to come around again
Will you make me fly?
It’s almost like we’re playing
hide & go seek
in the orchard
And I’m it
but I’m searching
everywhere
and I’m lost in the shadows.
I can’t find You,
can’t find my belief...
"Take me back to the time when I was maybe 8 or 9..."
and it’s gone.
I lost my faith
and then I found it again,
but it ran away.
If You see it,
tell it I miss it,
need it,
want it back.
06/25/00
*****
Thought you might like these, luv. The first one is a song I wrote. I think I have a (crappy) recording of it somewhere. The quote in that last poem is from another Nichole Nordeman song. I'll send them to you via MSN if you want to hear them.
*hugs*
God,
Where are You when I need You?
Where is Your guiding voice?
Is it You who has moved away?
Or myself who has closed her ears?
If I were woken in the still of night,
Would I know Your voice?
Your sheep know You and follow,
But what happens if I change
And become a wayward child?
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
God,
Where are You when I need You?
Where is Your guiding voice?
Is it I who has moved away?
Or You who has ceased to call?
If I crawl into Your lap again,
Will You hold me by and by?
I’m lost without Your guidance,
But I’m horribly afraid
To fly as You have asked.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
My heart cries out to be filled with You
How can I learn to give my all
When I’m so afraid to fall?
Make it real
Give me Reason
Show me Your love...
Let me become like Esther,
Who never heard Your voice,
But felt You move in her life.
Let me become like Esther,
Who never questioned Your support
And knew Your love and approval.
02/22/00
*****
I long to hear Your voice, O God.
Why do I find it so hard to listen?
I was created to be with You
and I miss You...
I miss knowing You’re here.
I miss feeling You near.
I miss the comfort and the fear.
I miss the tears.
I miss the secret touch in a crowd,
the smile, the whispered ‘Hello.’
I miss the wonder of knowing Your presence,
the freedom, the anticipation.
I miss being held when I’m crying,
and the fear that sent me running
flying
crawling
into Your arms.
I miss being able to feel emotion
for myself
for others
for You.
How do I come back to such a beautiful place?
I want to come home...
04/24/00
*****
Why Don’t You Take Me There?
Where You Are I want to be where You are. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be with You. And I long to dwell at Your throne. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be with You. Why don’t You take me there. Why don’t You take me there. I want to be alone with you. I want to look into Your eyes. And see the tears You cried for me. I want to holed Your hand in mine. And see the tears You cried for me. And tell You I love You. Tell You I need You. Jesus I need You.
(Lyrics & Music: Simpson (c) 1999)
Why don’t You take me there? This song makes me cry every time I listen to it (cuz I have to sing along, of course).
I want to be where He is! It’s suddenly become more important to me than anything else in my life. All of my plans, all of the things and people in my life... are as nothing next to this desire... this need... to be in His presence, to be where He is.
Why can’t I get there when I want to so desperately? How much am I required to give up?
I know the answer to that: everything. I have to give up everything if I am ever to get to where He is, where He wants me to be, where I want to be.
I want to hold His hand like in the garden. I want to see Him crying for me, after all these tears I’ve shed for Him. I want to walk with Him, talk with Him... fly with Him.
He is the all-consuming flame within my soul. He is the One who put this Music inside of me, bursting to get out. He is the One who shows me forever and ever, whenever I need it, that He loves me. And He is the One who I long to be with, who I long to be a part of, who I long for...
Why don’t you take me there? I want to be with You!
05/18/00
*****
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
How am I to remember to fear
the greatness of the One who created Eternity
when I am reminded at every turn
that He is also supposed to be my best friend?
How do you fear a friend?
How am I supposed to find You
praying in the Garden of Gethsemane
when it’s the simplest of truths
that I have trouble coming to in faith?
How do you come to faith?
How can I sing Your praises
with the angels who love You unquestioningly
when I always have to ask
and I don’t want to be who I am?
How do you worship ‘I AM’?
How do I know You’re around
listening to my tearful, terrified prayers
when I can’t quiet the sounds
and come in silence to feel Your presence?
How do you enter that presence?
How do I find that place again
that I can come around the corner once more
crawl into Your lap for comfort
walk with You in the orchard
eventually fly above it all?
How do I find the You I’ve forgotten
the You I never knew
the You I need?
How can I reach far enough,
strive hard enough,
give enough,
be enough
to reach You?
How can I feel You?
I must be Thomas once again,
doubting in the face of all the evidence,
wondering if it’s really true,
hoping that it is...
knowing deep down that it has to be.
How do I come back?
Where do I go?
What do I need?
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
06/19/00
*****
I am free.
I’m free to be whoever I am at any given time.
I’m free to be happy or sad or mad.
I’m free to do whatever I please.
I am free to be.
This is such a new feeling for me. To not feel constrained or burdened by the expectations of the people around me. To know that the way I am acting directly corresponds with the way I am feeling! Wow... :)
I think I take my family by surprise sometimes. I get grumpy if I’m stuck around them too much, because I start to feel their expectations pressing in upon me.
But I’ve finally gotten to where I don’t expect anything from anyone but God. Well, I’m working on being able to expect God. That’s just a very new thing - I’ve had it backwards all my life. :)
I love this feeling. Freedom to be someone I’m just getting to know. It’s really amazing.
06/23/00
*****
How did I get back on the
wrong side
of the tunnel?
And if I find the courage to come around again
Will you make me fly?
It’s almost like we’re playing
hide & go seek
in the orchard
And I’m it
but I’m searching
everywhere
and I’m lost in the shadows.
I can’t find You,
can’t find my belief...
"Take me back to the time when I was maybe 8 or 9..."
and it’s gone.
I lost my faith
and then I found it again,
but it ran away.
If You see it,
tell it I miss it,
need it,
want it back.
06/25/00
*****
Thought you might like these, luv. The first one is a song I wrote. I think I have a (crappy) recording of it somewhere. The quote in that last poem is from another Nichole Nordeman song. I'll send them to you via MSN if you want to hear them.
*hugs*