Dear Camille: 35 Weeks
Dear Camille,
We may not be ready for the hospital (no diaper bag, no Mommy hospital bag, no Things-To-Pack list of any kind whatsoever, what is wrong with me?), but the hospital is ready for us! Yesterday I got us pre-admitted and signed lots of papers and took home lots of info to read. And now I am starting to feel the nerves. IVs, needles, surgery, hospital gowns, lack of privacy, being a patient. I don't care for any of it. I'm dreading all of the various indignities that will have to be endured, and I'm just ready for it to all be over with and for you to be home with us. And after perusing the breastfeeding guide and having it trigger an unexpected bout of post traumatic stress, I'm pretty sure I've changed my mind about attempting nursing. I had planned to give it a try again with you, despite the eight weeks of stress and failure that Aidan and I experienced. But honestly, I have so much anxiety about even attempting it, I think we're just gonna go with bottles from day one. I am concerned about being judged, but that's my problem and I'll get over it, because even just sitting here typing this, there is a HUGE sense of relief when I eliminate nursing from the mental list of things I'm worried about. I just want to retain as much of my sanity as possible, and I want to be able to ENJOY you. That's all.
I am really really ready to meet you. I mean, it's not like we aren't acquainted; you are very best friends with my lowermost right ribs. But I am ready to hold you and see your face and your fuzzy hair and dress you in cute Christmas clothes and take a billion photos of you. Maybe one or two with you in a stocking.
Shocking timing realization of the week: Homeland only has 4 more episodes left this season, and you will be here the day after the season finale. (I could replace "Homeland" with "Survivor" in that sentence, but the that has way less impact to me, because season finale of Survivor never feels like it's that close and always takes me by surprise, because it's like 8 people left, 7 people left, BOOM, THREE-HOUR FINALE TIME.)
We have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and if I remember correctly, we're about to move into the weekly appointment schedule phase, which further accentuates how extremely close we are to the end of you pummeling my vital internal organs. Hooray! There's been some sharp discomfort as of late. You've startled noises out of me on several occasions. And I think I may be developing a tear or something in my ab muscles, or maybe they're separating, I don't know. But if I move weirdly, I have a pretty significant pain right above my belly button. Totally freaks me out / makes me sick / etc. So that's fun!
My information sources tell me that at 35 weeks, your basic physical development is now complete, and your only job for the next few weeks is to put on weight. Just in time, because we are about to enter prime-time weight gain season! We'll start with your dad's birthday (he likes chocolate cake, and your granny indulges him, and we like to go out for nice big birthday dinners), immediately followed by multiple Thanksgiving dinners (church, work, various family gatherings), and then it is straight-up Christmas candy and CAKEBALL SEASON. You don't know about cakeballs yet, but you will. Oh yes.
Snort. My judgemental pregnancy app tells me that I should have only gained 21-30 pounds by now. This thing really needs a holiday season adjustment setting.
Love,
Mommy
We may not be ready for the hospital (no diaper bag, no Mommy hospital bag, no Things-To-Pack list of any kind whatsoever, what is wrong with me?), but the hospital is ready for us! Yesterday I got us pre-admitted and signed lots of papers and took home lots of info to read. And now I am starting to feel the nerves. IVs, needles, surgery, hospital gowns, lack of privacy, being a patient. I don't care for any of it. I'm dreading all of the various indignities that will have to be endured, and I'm just ready for it to all be over with and for you to be home with us. And after perusing the breastfeeding guide and having it trigger an unexpected bout of post traumatic stress, I'm pretty sure I've changed my mind about attempting nursing. I had planned to give it a try again with you, despite the eight weeks of stress and failure that Aidan and I experienced. But honestly, I have so much anxiety about even attempting it, I think we're just gonna go with bottles from day one. I am concerned about being judged, but that's my problem and I'll get over it, because even just sitting here typing this, there is a HUGE sense of relief when I eliminate nursing from the mental list of things I'm worried about. I just want to retain as much of my sanity as possible, and I want to be able to ENJOY you. That's all.
I am really really ready to meet you. I mean, it's not like we aren't acquainted; you are very best friends with my lowermost right ribs. But I am ready to hold you and see your face and your fuzzy hair and dress you in cute Christmas clothes and take a billion photos of you. Maybe one or two with you in a stocking.
Shocking timing realization of the week: Homeland only has 4 more episodes left this season, and you will be here the day after the season finale. (I could replace "Homeland" with "Survivor" in that sentence, but the that has way less impact to me, because season finale of Survivor never feels like it's that close and always takes me by surprise, because it's like 8 people left, 7 people left, BOOM, THREE-HOUR FINALE TIME.)
We have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and if I remember correctly, we're about to move into the weekly appointment schedule phase, which further accentuates how extremely close we are to the end of you pummeling my vital internal organs. Hooray! There's been some sharp discomfort as of late. You've startled noises out of me on several occasions. And I think I may be developing a tear or something in my ab muscles, or maybe they're separating, I don't know. But if I move weirdly, I have a pretty significant pain right above my belly button. Totally freaks me out / makes me sick / etc. So that's fun!
My information sources tell me that at 35 weeks, your basic physical development is now complete, and your only job for the next few weeks is to put on weight. Just in time, because we are about to enter prime-time weight gain season! We'll start with your dad's birthday (he likes chocolate cake, and your granny indulges him, and we like to go out for nice big birthday dinners), immediately followed by multiple Thanksgiving dinners (church, work, various family gatherings), and then it is straight-up Christmas candy and CAKEBALL SEASON. You don't know about cakeballs yet, but you will. Oh yes.
Snort. My judgemental pregnancy app tells me that I should have only gained 21-30 pounds by now. This thing really needs a holiday season adjustment setting.
Love,
Mommy