Pleasantly Morose?
That his how Matthew described me this morning. It seemed pretty accurate to me. I actually got out of bed within five minutes of my alarm going off this morning.
Anyway, it was snowing lightly when I woke up, grey skies, etc. Just sort of a muggy day. For once I was in the shower before Rojzik, so I was waiting for him before we could go to work, instead of the other way around.
I've been thinking lately about lost loves ... Most every day, I drive past the park Rachel and I went to last time we had lunch together (Sept '02) For a while, my heart tinged a bit when I drove by, then the tinge got smaller until it was barely noticeable, then almost gone. Today, Rojzik and I drove past it and I couldn't help but think of her again. *sigh*
I think I've had this journal long enough that one might be able to see recurring patterns. I bring this up because I have noticed I go through bouts of what might be called depression, but it's really just a longing for a deep, intimate connection with someone. Not necessarily intimate as in sex, but as in ... I'm not sure ... perhaps 'intimate' isn't the right word. Someone in whom I can confide anything. Someone who will listen, and who will respond. Someone who I could listen to. My friends largely fill these roles, but they really cannot comfortably fill my longing for someone to hold. Someone to be there next to me as I fall asleep, and to be lying next to me when I wake.
I think the point of that last paragraph was going to be that I may seem depressed recently, or this week, but on the whole I am not. Do not worry, gentle readers, I will not leave you any time soon. :) And if this upsets you, feel free to stop reading my journal. ;P
Anyway, it was snowing lightly when I woke up, grey skies, etc. Just sort of a muggy day. For once I was in the shower before Rojzik, so I was waiting for him before we could go to work, instead of the other way around.
I've been thinking lately about lost loves ... Most every day, I drive past the park Rachel and I went to last time we had lunch together (Sept '02) For a while, my heart tinged a bit when I drove by, then the tinge got smaller until it was barely noticeable, then almost gone. Today, Rojzik and I drove past it and I couldn't help but think of her again. *sigh*
I think I've had this journal long enough that one might be able to see recurring patterns. I bring this up because I have noticed I go through bouts of what might be called depression, but it's really just a longing for a deep, intimate connection with someone. Not necessarily intimate as in sex, but as in ... I'm not sure ... perhaps 'intimate' isn't the right word. Someone in whom I can confide anything. Someone who will listen, and who will respond. Someone who I could listen to. My friends largely fill these roles, but they really cannot comfortably fill my longing for someone to hold. Someone to be there next to me as I fall asleep, and to be lying next to me when I wake.
I think the point of that last paragraph was going to be that I may seem depressed recently, or this week, but on the whole I am not. Do not worry, gentle readers, I will not leave you any time soon. :) And if this upsets you, feel free to stop reading my journal. ;P