(no subject)
I like to smile and make people smile. I just wish there were certain people who I could rub my happiness on or someone who I could make happy. Shit, I get sad sometimes, but I'm a generally happy person. It kills me that the person who I want to make happy is fighting a smile every day because this person's experience is that everything in life leads to pain. Life is definitely shit, but there are a lot of good things that can come your way if you just let 'em. I feel like I've missed out on something that I'll probably never get to have because this person sits around wondering why I want it or how I could even think of wanting it. Well I just do. Ultimately I love this person deeply as a friend and I'm sick of wanting more. It's been a couple months now of me wondering...what if he changed his mind? I can't sit around wondering what if. It's not the right thing to do and it's definitely brought me down. The past week I've decided that I'm going to get over the whole situation and for the most part, I think I have, but it doesn't mean I'm over him. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when he flirts with other girls or when he's uncomfortable with me touching him or vice versa because he thinks that it means more than what it does. It probably will hurt for a long time, but I feel safe knowing that he'll always be one of my best friends and maybe someone else will eventually come along. It's a tiresome wait.