Fanfic - Trying to Forget
My first and currently only fanfiction. It is Tony's thought's during a conversation he has with Paula during Mind Games. It has hints of Tate but nothing major so if your not a Tate fan it shouldn't annoy you.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own these wonderful characters. Although it would be good if I did…
Spoilers: Mind Games
A/N: This is Tony’s point of view during the conversation with Paula in the episode “Mind Games”. I have always thought that the expressions on his face indicate that he is thinking about more than what he says. And we all know it would take him longer than a month to get over Kate’s death. So here we go. Hope you enjoy.
“Why couldn't I sit at Kate's desk?” asks Paula.
Because it is Kate's desk and it always will be.
“Mostly because it is still Kate's desk.” Tony replies.
Kate. How he missed her. The way she smiled at him, the way they would team up against McGee, the way she would tease him. He even missed her elbowing him after he had done something to really piss her off.
“She was a great agent.”
She was the best. And I never told her that. Why didn’t I tell her? She laid her life on the line and I couldn’t tell her how good she was because of some stupid rivalry. Why did I always have to try and beat her at everything. She was ten times better than me.
“Yeah”
He started to replay what happened on the rooftop. The words that were suddenly cut off, her warm blood spraying on his face… NO! I am not going to remember that. Not now. Not with Paula watching him. He couldn’t let her see how badly he was handling things. Focus on the conversation Anthony.
“How are you handling it?”
Handling it. How on earth do you think I'm handling it? It’s barely been a month and you just expected me to get on with my life.
“Same way I handle everything. I try not to think about it.”
Although that didn't work. The harder he tried not do think about it, the more he missed her. Damn Paula for bring this up, and at work. All he wanted to do was forget. Why couldn’t he forget? It was hard enough coming in and seeing her empty desk. God, he missed her.
“And when that doesn’t work?”
Which is most of the time, especially when people keep asking me how I am handling it.
“There's always junk food.”
“It doesn't sound very healthy, Tony.”
Healthy? Who cares about being healthy when they have lost their best friend? You try losing your best friend and then see how healthy you are.
“It’s either that or I start building a boat in my basement.”
“Did you move from your apartment?”
Yeah, because I don't have enough stress in my life I decide to up and move from my apartment. Come on Paula. Try thinking a little.
“No. Now you see my dilemma.”
“Hey, if you ever do wanna talk about it, I'm here for you. Okay?”
Wow. You haven’t teased me enough. Now you want to pretend that your there for me. Like you were there for me when I almost died. Like the way you have only just asked how I feel
about Kate’s death. Come on, we both know that you don’t really mean it.
“You mean that?”
“Yes, of course I mean that.”
Crap, she really means it. This conversation is becoming too serious. I can't do it. Not here. Not now. Not with her. Got to think of something to stop this. I don’t want to think of Kate anymore. Come on DiNozzo think of something pathetic to say, that will throw her off.
“Okay. Well then let me ask you something. What's Bobby like in bed?”
“Kate was right. You are truly, truly pathetic, DiNozzo.”
At least now you aren’t asking me about Kate. But the damage was already done. He sighed inwardly. Another day when he would be distracted of thoughts about her. And he could forget about sleeping tonight. Damn Paula.
The End
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own these wonderful characters. Although it would be good if I did…
Spoilers: Mind Games
A/N: This is Tony’s point of view during the conversation with Paula in the episode “Mind Games”. I have always thought that the expressions on his face indicate that he is thinking about more than what he says. And we all know it would take him longer than a month to get over Kate’s death. So here we go. Hope you enjoy.
“Why couldn't I sit at Kate's desk?” asks Paula.
Because it is Kate's desk and it always will be.
“Mostly because it is still Kate's desk.” Tony replies.
Kate. How he missed her. The way she smiled at him, the way they would team up against McGee, the way she would tease him. He even missed her elbowing him after he had done something to really piss her off.
“She was a great agent.”
She was the best. And I never told her that. Why didn’t I tell her? She laid her life on the line and I couldn’t tell her how good she was because of some stupid rivalry. Why did I always have to try and beat her at everything. She was ten times better than me.
“Yeah”
He started to replay what happened on the rooftop. The words that were suddenly cut off, her warm blood spraying on his face… NO! I am not going to remember that. Not now. Not with Paula watching him. He couldn’t let her see how badly he was handling things. Focus on the conversation Anthony.
“How are you handling it?”
Handling it. How on earth do you think I'm handling it? It’s barely been a month and you just expected me to get on with my life.
“Same way I handle everything. I try not to think about it.”
Although that didn't work. The harder he tried not do think about it, the more he missed her. Damn Paula for bring this up, and at work. All he wanted to do was forget. Why couldn’t he forget? It was hard enough coming in and seeing her empty desk. God, he missed her.
“And when that doesn’t work?”
Which is most of the time, especially when people keep asking me how I am handling it.
“There's always junk food.”
“It doesn't sound very healthy, Tony.”
Healthy? Who cares about being healthy when they have lost their best friend? You try losing your best friend and then see how healthy you are.
“It’s either that or I start building a boat in my basement.”
“Did you move from your apartment?”
Yeah, because I don't have enough stress in my life I decide to up and move from my apartment. Come on Paula. Try thinking a little.
“No. Now you see my dilemma.”
“Hey, if you ever do wanna talk about it, I'm here for you. Okay?”
Wow. You haven’t teased me enough. Now you want to pretend that your there for me. Like you were there for me when I almost died. Like the way you have only just asked how I feel
about Kate’s death. Come on, we both know that you don’t really mean it.
“You mean that?”
“Yes, of course I mean that.”
Crap, she really means it. This conversation is becoming too serious. I can't do it. Not here. Not now. Not with her. Got to think of something to stop this. I don’t want to think of Kate anymore. Come on DiNozzo think of something pathetic to say, that will throw her off.
“Okay. Well then let me ask you something. What's Bobby like in bed?”
“Kate was right. You are truly, truly pathetic, DiNozzo.”
At least now you aren’t asking me about Kate. But the damage was already done. He sighed inwardly. Another day when he would be distracted of thoughts about her. And he could forget about sleeping tonight. Damn Paula.
The End