Glee Season 3.0 Redux, Part 2: kappamaki33

kappamaki33

Glee Season 3.0 Redux, Part 2

Jan 21, 2012 17:24

Sorry it took me so long to finish this up, but I was drowning in work this week...

The Episode Formerly Known as "I Kissed a Girl"
(any West Wing fans have a politically-themed title suggestion?)

As I previously alluded, this episode was a hot mess. I would have chucked pretty much everything but the school election storyline, and even that I would have modified.

Since I cut Santana getting outed in the previous episode, that eliminates the A-plot of this episode. I think one of the problems with the later episodes of Glee Season 3.0 is that for some reason, they tried to wrap up every storyline but NYADA and Sebastian before Christmas. There’s no reason to be in such a rush, especially with Santana. Her big coming-out episode with Abuela can be in Season 3.5. However, my decision also negates the plot reasons for pretty much every song. So, starting kind of from scratch.

I’m also completely dumping the Coach-Cooter-Sue triangle. It makes no sense at all. Coach understood how Cooter felt about her at the end of “The First Time,” so there is no need to rehash this territory as if that episode never happened. Also, I already moved “Jolene” into “Pot O’ Gold,” thus eliminating one of the only two good things about that plot (the other being Sue’s hook-up book).

That said, there’s a clear plotline that needed to be covered but that the writers completely failed with: the Congressional election. No way in hell I would have played that off-screen. We need the Burt-Sue debate, the parties while the candidates await the results, the whole nine yards. The school election booths would be on one side of the gym, with the real election on the other side of the gym. Will and Kurt would enlist ND to help with Burt’s campaign, and Sue would pull out all the stops with Cheerio routines to drum up support for hers. I think my main theme would be that Sue has flashy ideas, but they’re all very extreme-if there’s a problem with a program, kill the program rather than trying to fix it, etc. Burt, on the other hand, would take the general approach of fixing what’s broken rather than tossing out the good with the bad. Less flashy, but more realistic. Also, both approaches are consistent with their characters.

Burt would still win, but I’m almost afraid of giving the electorate credit for going for substance over anger and rhetoric. Plus, especially because Burt is a write-in candidate, I want a semi-obvious reason that Burt wins. I’d like Rod Remington to cover the election from the gymnasium, and have him interview Kurt and Brittany as a human-interest side to the big election story. Kurt could say awesome things about Burt, but mostly, it would be so Brittany could say true things about Sue: like how she tried to shoot Brittany out of a cannon, how she made Brittany drink sand to lose weight, etc. Since the revelation of Sue’s craziness would come late in the campaign, there would still be a little tension over whether Burt won, but there would be a clear plot reason why Sue lost, too.

Even though it’s an obvious trick, I’d parallel that storyline with the school election. Brittany would still win, and Rachel would still steal the election. That also means I’d scoot the school campaign speeches from the previous episode into this one, and I think I’d change them as well. Kurt would follow in his dad’s footsteps, laying out a thorough but not flashy platform with a main focus on anti-bullying. I’d love him to make a reference to the Bullywhips, only he’d do it with less ugly red satin jackets. Brittany’s platform would be…well, Brittany-ish, but I would have her put some things that make some sense into her campaign, rather than just anti-tornadoes. I think she should promise some things that it’s clear she can’t deliver on, but for her to have real (though still Brittany-esque) reasons for them. And I would keep her girl-power message, though I probably wouldn’t give it a lot of depth. Rick the Stick would still be a dick.

Brittany would win because the girls like her leather skirted feminism, and the hetero boys love her leather skirt. Rachel would try to fix the election not because of her lame soufflé and makeover reasons (and seriously, Rachel, remember your last Kurt makeover?), but because she’s realizing New York is going to be cutthroat, and she’d really like at least one friend to go through it with her. But, even without Rachel’s “help,” both Kurt and Brittany would legitimately beat Rick the Stick.

This would give me opportunities for at least two Burt-Kurt scenes: one when Kurt is struggling to figure out his platform, knowing Brittany is flashier, and one after Burt has won and Kurt has lost. In the latter scene, I’d like Burt to say that some people do grow up eventually and take decisions like voting more seriously. I’d also like Burt to admit that he probably would’ve voted based on hotness when he was seventeen, too. Overall, though, the feeling would be that Burt is proud Kurt stayed true to his goals, and Kurt is disappointed he lost but proud of himself at the same time, too.

I have no idea what songs I’d use for this. At first, I was thinking they could do songs that had been theme music for past presidential campaigns, but…a lot of presidential candidates have pretty vanilla taste in music, I’ve discovered. Not necessarily bad, just not particularly diverse. Again, I’d love to hear your ideas.

I loved Finn and Rachel at the strip club, but because I have other plans for Rachel in the Quinn-Puck-Shelby storyline at this point, Finn takes Kurt with him to convince Sam to come back, as a part of a concerted effort on the part of all of ND to recruit enough singers to fill out the team. Kurt would be just as funny, if not moreso, in the strip club as Rachel was.

I’ll discuss Rachel and Puck’s recruiting efforts in the Quinn-Puck-Shelby storyline summary, but as for the others: Artie gets one of the band guys to join, like they did in the episode, Blaine doesn’t get why people aren’t knocking down the door to join a glee club, since that’s the way it was with the Warblers (cue Finn rolling his eyes), and Mike and Tina get distracted when they find an empty room to make out in.

Sam’s scene with his parents was oddly draggy (though I do love that Sam’s dad is Clark Kent’s dad from Smallville). I would’ve tightened the scene up, cut a little dialogue-got it moving faster in general.

This is my big Sebastian change. When he first shows up at the Lima Bean, I want him to try to flirt with both Blaine and Kurt. Blaine gets uncomfortable and leaves, and Kurt gets bitchy, the way it happens in the episode. The change is, Sebastian reveals his master plan when Kurt accuses him of trying to steal his boyfriend. Sebastian doesn’t care about stealing Kurt’s boyfriend-he just wants to steal ND’s male lead. And, well, since the last Warbler who dated Blaine got to duet with him in a competition, he figured it was worth a try…but Sebastian has to admit that that approach isn’t working. Sebastian also reveals that, on a sexual level, he’s far more into Kurt’s icy bitchiness than Blaine’s blushing schoolboy. Kurt’s much more of a challenge-and (I don’t know if the actor could pull it off, but I’ll hope) we get the feeling that Sebastian is being honest on this point. Kurt doesn’t quite know whether to be angry or flattered or what.

Use “Jack & Diane” instead of “Red Solo Cup.” For one, the latter is a classic; the former is outclassed by Brittany’s “My Cup.” Two, the title of the episode comes from the song, and it fits with the theme of enjoying your youth while you can. Three, I think it would make for an awesome Justin Bieber Experience reunion song, with Sam starting out and Puck, Artie, and Mike joining in and backing him up. It would completely change the mood of the scene, yes, but I think that’s all right.

Blaine’s weird anger issues could be written more in keeping with his Finn/leadership issues:

FINN
(to Sam’s body-roll)
Yeah, that’s awesome, man. That’s exactly what we need.

BLAINE
(surprised that Finn is onboard)
What? No-we don’t need to resort to…that. It’s cheap.

KURT, in the background, looks disappointed at the lack of boys doing pelvic thrusts.

SAM
Look, the cute and wholesome thing might have worked for the Warblers, but we aren’t the Warblers.

BLAINE
(frustrated)
Yes, the lack of matching blazers was a big hint, and if that wasn’t enough, I’ve been reminded of that fact many times. But cheap stunts like that wouldn’t make any group win at Sectionals. No matter how well it went over the last place you were performing.

SAM
What the hell does that mean?

BLAINE
It means I’m not for sale!

Fight! The others pull SAM and BLAINE apart, and BLAINE walks away.

CUT TO INT. BOXING PRACTICE ROOM.

BLAINE is hitting a PUNCHING BAG when FINN walks in.

FINN
Is that Sam’s face?

BLAINE
(between punches)
No. I already apologized to Sam. I was way out of line.
(A beat, a punch.)
It’s yours. Don’t act so surprised…

Then the scene plays out the way it did in the episode, except I’d trim it to get rid of some flab. Mainly, once Blaine says, “Tell me what you need me to do,” I’d cut most of Finn’s dialogue and just have “I just want to be able to look across that stage at you and know that we did everything we could.”

Blaine still gets a moment of douchery and makes a low-blow this way, but the reason behind it is much more consistent with his character than being freaked by infusing some sexuality into a performance.

I loved the Michael Jackson medley. That is exactly what a real show choir competition set is like. However, I understand why a lot of people thought it was too long, and considering how much plot they tried to jam in…yeah, it was too long. I wouldn’t have cut any song-I liked that the variety of songs meant everyone got a chance to shine-but I would have trimmed each song down and created transitions between them, so it would have been more like Medley Night on The Sing-Off.

Maybe this would fit better in my Puck-Quinn-Shelby summary, but I feel like I need to explain why Shelby leaves now that I don’t have her actually sleeping with Puck. We follow the Troubletones back into the practice room, and they’re understandably bummed. They wonder where Sugar and Shelby are. Then Shelby and Sugar walk in, and Sugar is crying. Her dad fired Shelby. The girls ask if it’s because they lost, but that’s not it. Sugar tearfully says it’s because Shelby didn’t have Sugar singing lead, and that no matter how much Sugar tried to convince her dad that she loved being in the Troubletones and didn’t care that she wasn’t the star, he wouldn’t listen.

This way, Shelby gets to leave with some dignity-and with a good-bye song. I’d still have Quinn broker the deal to get the main Troubletones in ND, but I think I’d end the episode on everybody singing good-bye to Shelby. “We Are Young” is probably not an appropriate number for that purpose, though I would definitely fit it in somewhere in the season; it’s my favorite song so far this season. Any ideas on a good good-bye song?

The simple plan:

Swap out the painfully inappropriate “Do They Know It’s Christmas” for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” The latter is classic Judy Garland, and I would believe ND was going to end their special with that number but then performed it at the shelter instead.

When Finn asks the guys for gift advice, have Puck mention that Finn is lucky Rachel is letting him get away with doing Christmas instead of Hanukkah, since he’d have this problem eight times if she didn’t. Finn comments that yeah, she’s been hinting she wants a big present this year, so that’s why they’re doing it this way.

Finn doesn’t get Rachel a pig, since, again, not only is she a vegan, but she’s Jewish. Finn thinks he has it right getting her a llama, since the family won’t eat it and will just use it for its wool and milk. “Er, I think llamas make milk,” Finn says. Rachel’s response: “Oh Finn, you’re getting so much closer to understanding what veganism is…”

(And this isn’t strictly relevant, but can I say that, as a farm girl, I was so annoyed that they kept calling it a “sow pig”? You can just call it a “sow,” folks. And then that Rachel wondered if it was a girl? *headdesk*)

Have Blaine play the piano instead of sing “My Favorite Things,” and cut the running time on the number anyway. Blaine sounds so out-of-place with the other three; it would’ve worked better as a trio. Also, they make such a big fuss over the piano, and then nobody plays it?

Here’s the major overhaul idea:

Cut the homeless shelter, and make almost the entire episode the shooting of the Christmas special. I would need to keep Artie’s conversation with the PBS guy about his inspiration for the special, and maybe another establishing scene or two, but I could launch right into the production after the first commercial break.

Instead of just parodying three Christmas specials-and parodying the Judy Garland one so painstakingly-I would’ve chosen to parody every Christmas special I could make fit. Given the structure of the Judy Garland parody as a frame, with different guests dropping in to perform, each guest segment could be a different Christmas special parody. I’d also have more mistakes to make it look like this is a bunch of high school kids putting on a television special.

Instead of having the whole black-and-white sequence in one go, though, I’d have little breaks in the action where we get to see what’s going on backstage, in color. I don’t know exactly what those moments would be, because I don’t know what we’re building to the rest of the season. I don’t expect Christmas episodes to have much for plot, so I’d be fine if this was a collection of funny or sweet or interesting character moments.

For example, I’d repurpose Finn’s quest to get Rachel a good gift into a much shorter joke. Kurt and Blaine rest in the makeup room during one of their few breaks in the show. Finn, not having gone on yet, is fresh as a daisy. He’s proud of himself for coming up with such a cool gift for Rachel and shows it off to Kurt. It’s the African sow. Kurt points out the Jewish and vegan problems. Finn’s reaction is, “Oh crap! What should I get her? I only have, like, forty minutes!” Blaine suggests socks. Kurt rolls his eyes and makes it clear that if Blaine got him socks, Blaine is not going to have any under-mistletoe action for a long time. Kurt walks off, and Blaine and Finn share a terrified look. Finn mentions that Artie brought his laptop, and there’s wi-fi. Blaine and Finn trip over each other in a mad dash to get to the computer for last-minute shopping.

Close with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

First and most importantly, Lauren and Puck do not break up at the beginning of the season. Losing Lauren disappointed me more than anything else this season. Puck is a more interesting character and a better person when Lauren is around. Lauren also has an interesting relationship with Quinn. It was a big mistake to get rid of the character.

I’m okay with Lauren quitting ND, though. She’s not a great show choir performer, and that’s okay. I would’ve had Lauren talking to Puck in the first episode about her decision not to rejoin ND so she can devote more time to training for wrestling and football (Coach Beiste recruited her-she’d be silly not to). Lauren made the choice because she enjoys sports more (great way to get out aggression) and because she knows she’s got a good shot at getting a scholarship if she does well this year. That leads into her asking Puck what he’s planning to do after high school. Puck comes up with something macho but ridiculous to cover the fact that he has no clue what he wants to do.

I’m keeping Skank!Quinn-and actually, she’s sticking around longer. Part of the problem with Quinn’s “arc,” if you can call it that, is that it was more like three sharp turns than an arc. First she was Skank!Quinn, then boom, she was I Want My Baby Back!Quinn, then boom, she was Yale!Quinn. I’d keep the first episode pretty much the way it is, though I think I’d emphasize that she’s doing something worse than the Ryan Seacrest tattoo, like skipping classes. (Yes, there are classes at McKinley! Gasp!)
I’d change Quinn in the second episode quite a bit, though. Shelby would still reach out to Quinn, and she’d still say something to the effect of, “When you get your act together, I’d really like you to be a part of Beth’s life.” I’d also like her to clarify that to get one’s act together is to quit smoking and go to class, not so much to change her appearance. (Seriously, there could’ve been a great joke about Shelby not being thrilled with Quinn’s new look, “but hey, I went through a Madonna circa ‘Like a Virgin’ phase when I was your age, so who am I to judge?”) The big difference is, Quinn would say she wants nothing to do with Shelby or Beth. We see Puck in the doorway, listening in on the conversation.

Because I want Quinn to actually arc rather than make a series of 180-degree turns, I’d put this thread on the back-burner for “Asian F.” I’d keep her participation in Sue’s anti-arts video and the Quinn-Schue smackdown, but I’d move it to “Pot O’ Gold”, so we get a little bit longer with Skank!Quinn. I’d also have her actually do something to show that she doesn’t like this new identity of hers-like the Skanks want to steal lunch money from one of the Glee kids, Quinn balks, and one of the others makes a comment about how Quinn did a lot nastier things to them when she was a Cheerio, so why the hesitance now? That gives Quinn a moment of “Huh. Maybe Glee has made me change, a little.”

I would totally dump Quinn planting child cannibalism books and hot sauce in Shelby’s apartment. That was ridiculous, and not in an acceptably “Hey, it’s Glee,” way.

This would also be the first episode where Puck gets to see Beth. He’d sing “Waiting for a Girl Like You” in this episode and still try to convince Shelby that he’s responsible and wants to be a part of Beth’s life. I’d love him to have a conversation about it with Lauren, either before or afterward-something like he’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, but Beth is the best one.

As with “Asian F,” I don’t want to futz much with this storyline in “The First Time,” either. Quinn would still be in the scene where the girls give Rachel advice about sex, but she’d still be in her Skank attire. I’d like to indicate that she’s drifting away from the Skanks themselves and the bad girl persona, though. Heck, even having her there when Mercedes won’t come says something about her not being happy with her new persona.

I’m really excited about “Mash-Off.” In keeping with the theme of both opposition and blending, I would have a Quinn-Lauren storyline. They played off each other really well last season.

I’d open this storyline with Quinn walking down the hall in something between Skank and Tina’s I Can’t Be a Goth Doldrums attire. It’s clear from her posture that she’s beat and lost, but still pissed at the world. I might do a voiceover, but Quinn doesn’t do great voiceovers, so maybe not. Then…

INT. HALLWAY (cont’d)

QUINN slams her LOCKER DOOR shut.

LAUREN (v.o.)
Nice hair, Fabray.

QUINN turns to find LAUREN standing behind her.

QUINN
(exhausted)
Go away.

LAUREN
No, really. I like it. I had green highlights in eighth grade, but I couldn’t pull off pink like you can.

Quinn is very cautious, waiting for a punch-line, but as it turns out, Lauren just noticed Quinn was in a funk and wanted to say hi and tell her she liked her pink highlights. Quinn opens up a little bit-funny, how Lauren can get a person to do that-about how she doesn’t know who she is anymore, and the only thing she’s sure of is that she’s angry. Lauren invites Quinn to try out something that’s helped her both find herself and deal with aggression issues:

Wrestling.

Yes, I would have Quinn Fabray join Lauren in wrestling practice. Coach Beiste would be subbing for the normal wrestling coach (Glee regularly comes up with ridiculous reasons for characters we know to sub for other teachers/coaches) and have a chance for some funny lines. At first, Quinn would be cautious and not at all into it, but Lauren would yell at her to channel her anger. Then Quinn would start picturing the skinny freshman she’s practicing with as every person she’s mad at-Mr. Schue, Puck, Sue, her parents, Shelby…and when she’s done, we’d see she’s annihilated the poor little freshman. Coach wants her on the team, badly.

I don’t think Quinn would stick with wrestling. She’d say she appreciated the offer, but she didn’t feel like it was the right fit for her. More than that, she appreciates that Lauren reached out to her.
Throughout this whole burgeoning, odd Quinn-Lauren friendship, Puck is on the sidelines, consistently terrified that his ex and his current girlfriend are talking to each other. That can’t be good for his reputation in either of their eyes. Basically, he gets to be comic relief for this story, which is what he’s best at.

I would move “Hot for Teacher” to early in the Episode Formerly Known As “I Kissed a Girl,” but before the song, I’d have a scene at Shelby’s apartment setting up that Puck is helping with Beth a lot, and that he has Cougar aspirations concerning Shelby. Since the Troubletones would be separate from the ND kids now, Puck will have to do the “Hot for Teacher” in a more public venue to catch Shelby. Lauren sees the performance, and she knows exactly what’s up. She confronts Puck, and he says nothing is happening; yeah, Shelby’s hot, but he just likes Van Halen. Lauren warns him that she won’t tolerate being cheated on or lied to.

Quinn confronts Shelby and says she’s ready to see Beth. I did like the idea, late in the season, that Quinn wanted Beth back because Beth was the one good thing that had come out of the mess that is her life. I just wouldn't push it to the point of Quinn wanting to take Beth from Shelby by framing Shelby as a child abuser. Shelby is reticent-Quinn has been rather changeable lately, she notes, and it’s not fair to Beth if Quinn is going to change again and bail as soon as Beth gets attached. Quinn counters that Puck has a much shadier past than she does, and yet Shelby let him into Beth’s life. Shelby relents, and they set up a time.

Later, at Shelby’s apartment, Puck is helping with Beth, and Shelby is particularly frazzled and starts talking about not having anyone to share both the stressful and the happy times parenting. Puck sees an opening and tries to put the moves on Shelby. He kisses her, and she gets a bit more caught up in the kiss than she should…

…and Quinn walks in, ready to see Beth. Quinn blows a gasket, making the (not unreasonable) assumption that Shelby is letting Puck see Beth so Shelby and Puck can have sex. Quinn storms out, ready to destroy them all.

The first thing Quinn does is call Lauren. Puck swears it was just a kiss, that it didn’t mean anything and he really loves Lauren. Lauren dumps Puck’s ass on the spot. She’d given him a chance to prove he could change and be a better person, and he completely screwed that chance up. She’s just not going to put up with being treated like that, and walks off, calm and cool.

This makes Puck realize, for like the second time in his life, that hey, his actions have consequences. This makes him go to Quinn and takes full responsibility for what happened, also confessing that the kiss was all that had happened. That’s enough to get Quinn back to Shelby’s apartment, where they come to a tentative truce. Quinn sees Beth, and she’s beautiful, but Quinn doesn’t feel that instant connection that she thought she would. She confesses how much she’d hoped that Beth would make her feel like yes, this is where I’m meant to be, but it doesn't happen.

I also want a final scene with Quinn and Lauren sitting on the bleachers in the gym, agreeing that some days, life just sucks. I’d like to leave it with a sense of, “but at least we, oddly enough, have…each other?”

Then, wrapping this up in “Hold On to Sixteen,” all the ND kids are off recruiting people for Sectionals. While Kurt and Finn are in Kentucky, Rachel goes to Quinn’s house to try to recruit her. This gives us a taste of Quinn’s home life since she moved back in. Her mom is still trying to be perfect, and she and Quinn are constantly in conflict over Quinn’s appearance, and more. We get the distinct feeling that Quinn’s mom blames Quinn a little bit for the disintegration of her marriage, for forcing all the ugliness that was always there out into the open so it had to actually be dealt with. The conversation would also make it clear that Quinn’s dad has pretty much checked out of Quinn’s life. Rachel makes her pitch, and Quinn seems a little interested, but she doesn’t bite.

Meanwhile, Puck tries to recruit Lauren again. He tries being all smooth, but when that gets him nowhere, he admits, okay, I get that I really screwed up. I really hurt you. I’m not asking you to take me back-I’m asking you to help out a friend, ‘cause for the first time ever, I still kind of want to be friends with you even though I’ve got no shot at getting to touch you boobs again. Lauren recognizes that Puck has changed, a little. She agrees to join, but just for this performance.

Once Sam is back, he talks to Quinn in the hall. He wonders why she won’t join ND; she wonders why he came back. Eventually, Quinn breaks down and says that she’d always had a plan for how her life would go. Then Beth messed up that plan, but she got it back again the next year…and then somehow, she lost it again. Life is so scary without a plan. Sam kindly counters with his own experiences, how in Kentucky, he’d felt like life had closed in on him and he was never going to get to do anything else. He agrees that the unknown can be scary, but having all these possibilities ahead of you-that’s pretty awesome. He could definitely keep the “Jack & Diane” lyrics reference. He says good-bye to Quinn, and we see her face as he leaves. It’s struck a chord with her. (Oh man, bad pun. Sorry!) Shortly after, Quinn opens the door to the choir room and goes in.

I’d tweak the scene with Quinn and Rachel in Emma’s office just a bit. Instead of Yale and drama, I’d have Quinn applying to three or four schools as an open major. She tells Rachel that singing and performing aren’t central to her identity the way they are to Rachel, but she likes being in glee club, and that’s reason enough to re-join. She’s not completely comfortable not knowing what she’s going to do with her life, but she’s getting there. In short, I’d like Quinn’s arc to be about finding herself, and to have the arc end in an unusual but age-appropriate place of accepting that you don’t have to know exactly and completely who you are at sixteen or eighteen or thirty or what have you. It’s a process, not a destination.