Just !!!!!!!!venting!!!!!!!! so dont read.
I havent been with Rose in the past couple of hours, so this isnt friends only, or private yet, it will be...but i need to vent myself right now. I really hate inconsiderate people. I hate them so much. I hate missing people too. And im jealous at the moment, which is unusual because it doesnt happen a lot. I wrote that essay, its alright. Im not expecting an A or anything. I also hate short, blunt answers which is what I was giving online to people so I just went away. Because, rolled into that, I hate hypocrites, much like Doug. I hate people in highschool too. Caught up in their stupid dramatic worlds, making a HUGE deal of everything. yeah ok, once in a while everyone does. BUT WHY IS IT SO STEREOTYPICAL, like movies. He said She said He said He said, or shit like that, why cant people get minds of their own and think for themselves? Anyone could get my appreciation if they did. What the fuck, Im not there to make friends anyways so whatever. Hm. Another on the list, ditching, or plans being broken. I really...really...hate that. I fucking HATE it. Getting my hopes smashed and just sitting, thinking about what I would be doing. Oh and not last, and not least, when nothing goes right. which kind of goes with such stated before. slfkgjldkfdjg Nothing goes right ever. does it? when you think you've got it made, something drastic happens. Thats how it always is.
I wish I had something that could write down all my thoughts so I didnt have to keep them locked up and forget about them in the dust. Like this one, I think everything..absolutely everything in the universe, depends on the individual. As a whole we see stereotypes or groups, I however, only recognize stereotypes after focusing on the majority of individuals. Understand? Probably not, but when Im thinking it, it does make sense. So I'd have to speak to you personally to explain it in a better way.
I know whats wrong and I cant fix it, thats the problem. Its not that I dont know. Because I know everything. I understand myself, and my surroundings so well. I hate being seen as...i just hate how people see me as not knowing anything because of my age or who i am. I really do understand so much, I just keep quiet about it. Because some should learn, some shouldnt. I do however, like open minds, and no Im not open minded but I try to be. Im actually about as negative and cynical as a person can get when Im alone and thinking. Like now. I dont like it when people tell me about who I am, because I already know. I hate talking about my future. Because thats the one thing I cant be sure about, unless it is about a relationship. It seems people have inherited genes, but likings...and..preferances [I guess is what I should say] too. There for, I may become attracted to the same misfortune as people before me, and there by, have no future and be stuck with nothing because i get my hopes up easily and i wish a lot. Its hard to explain in words. But when my brain starts working like this every other night, it drives me crazy. No sleep, so many thoughts, worries, skits, as rose and i call them. and I usually dont write them all or even talk about them, but tonight I just had enough so I had to say something, even if it is only a branch of one thought.
Movies are completely ...um. I relate everything to them nowadays. Vague I guess, so it makes me do this, and get sad. Because when I go off on tantrums I just cant stop but everything makes complete sense at moments like this, like epiphanies, and yet im still completely miserable. its so strange. I need to come back down to earth, calm down, and go do my work, bye.