and the reason is....him
we went to cypress gardens yesterday
blah...its a garden with some carnival rides stuffed in the back
i had fun, even though the rest of my family probably thinks i was pouting the whole time
admittedly, i was pouting the whole time
because i was in this beautiful place, but i didn't see it because something adam was missing
i'm so serious that it's scary. they were playing christmas music about being with the ones you love, and i was walking around with my family but thinking of adam. and i couldn't talk to anyone about it either, which just depressed me more, because if you turn to someone you love and trust and say "i'm really lonely right now because i miss my boyfriend" it's one thing if they say "i'm sorry, kristina, i know how you feel, its ok, you'll see him in a few days" but its an entirely different thing if they roll their eyes at you, tell you no one cares, or just plain ignore you altogether.
and the gardens. i love gardens and plants and how beautiful they are, and i'm the first one to notice the beauty of the simplest tree, but i was walking through carefully manicured gardens yesterday and i didn't even notice. i was miserable. i was cold. i was lonely. i was ugly. i thought a few times of the word AGONY. for more reasons than i care to disclose in my lj, but still.
when i'm with adam, my entire attitude changes. it doesn't matter if its cold outside because i don't notice when he's holding my hand. he loves me so much that i can't possibly be cold. and i love him so much that the thought of misery doesn't cross my mind.
he makes me feel beautiful. i remember how i melted when he told me that i'm beautiful that one day so long ago. admittedly, i may feel beautiful around him because i show off for him. i try to be pretty just for him. who did i have to be pretty for yesterday? what did i care if some random guy running a carnival ride thought i was cute? sometimes i would smile at the operator as i got on or off, but mostly out of habit, and i found myself slipping into comparing the guy to adam. he isn't as smart as adam, or as attractive as adam, or as perfect as adam, because no one is.
blah...its a garden with some carnival rides stuffed in the back
i had fun, even though the rest of my family probably thinks i was pouting the whole time
admittedly, i was pouting the whole time
because i was in this beautiful place, but i didn't see it because something adam was missing
i'm so serious that it's scary. they were playing christmas music about being with the ones you love, and i was walking around with my family but thinking of adam. and i couldn't talk to anyone about it either, which just depressed me more, because if you turn to someone you love and trust and say "i'm really lonely right now because i miss my boyfriend" it's one thing if they say "i'm sorry, kristina, i know how you feel, its ok, you'll see him in a few days" but its an entirely different thing if they roll their eyes at you, tell you no one cares, or just plain ignore you altogether.
and the gardens. i love gardens and plants and how beautiful they are, and i'm the first one to notice the beauty of the simplest tree, but i was walking through carefully manicured gardens yesterday and i didn't even notice. i was miserable. i was cold. i was lonely. i was ugly. i thought a few times of the word AGONY. for more reasons than i care to disclose in my lj, but still.
when i'm with adam, my entire attitude changes. it doesn't matter if its cold outside because i don't notice when he's holding my hand. he loves me so much that i can't possibly be cold. and i love him so much that the thought of misery doesn't cross my mind.
he makes me feel beautiful. i remember how i melted when he told me that i'm beautiful that one day so long ago. admittedly, i may feel beautiful around him because i show off for him. i try to be pretty just for him. who did i have to be pretty for yesterday? what did i care if some random guy running a carnival ride thought i was cute? sometimes i would smile at the operator as i got on or off, but mostly out of habit, and i found myself slipping into comparing the guy to adam. he isn't as smart as adam, or as attractive as adam, or as perfect as adam, because no one is.