BreAk BoNeS VerBaLLy wiTh StiCkS aNd SToNe TaCtiCs...
Subliminal voices keep conveying messages to me that I really don't wanna hear... It's amazing how I can be at war with my own brain and yet only suffer when i take a minute to evaluate just what the fuck is goin on up there. Eh school is goin good but for some reason I already feel so behind and shit that it feels like its gonna kick me in a gooch a hard one. Hmm i have to say things between me and cheddah have improved mucho.. for a while there our personalities were just not clicking whatsoever.. it was quite possibly the worst feeling ever.. or at least close to it.. but things are returning to how they used to be for the most part.. i just hope i dont go soggy on my end. Today was a fairly good day.. I have decided to commit myself to yet another form of pyshical exurtion.. as of probably either tomorro or saturday, m gonna attempt to go two weeks without purposely consuming sugar.. I noticed how much endurance I got after I gave up like drinkin cokes and without that bit of extra sugar.. so now maybe if i cut it out almost completely I can be a better double-kick drummer.. I guess we'll see. I SO FUCKIN PYSCHED for a CERTAIN reASon anD the scope of my journal knoWs exactly why! I CaN'T waiT DuDE, thinGs aRe GoNNa bE So GreaT! This weekend should be sweet, So on saturday i go to get new contacts and get my tat touched up so I wont be so embarrased to show it anymore.. fuckers... so then m going to go somewhere and disapear for the weekend and NOONE will know where.. well I take that back... so maybe m not gonna disapear.. but i WILL VANISH! :P Ha I got called a pimp and sexy on three different occasions today .. I have to say the drugs of socorro must have gotten better, but it did give me a little ego boost ;) ha now all I gotta do is buy a cookie company, a red mustang, a fat unit hat and shirt and i'm well on my way right :P.. I laughed. Hmmm, I got asked a question just a few minutes ago and wasn't exactly given ample time to answer.. so instead I'll transcript my thoughts on here.. well the answer to your question is gonna be a long but distinguished one... here goes.
First of all.. my biggest beef is the deception. The day we got in the last fight.. you gave me the biggest speech about trust and positive outlook in a relationship.. and then that same night completely lie to me and do the ONE thing that I hated the most... how fucked up is that? So lets backtrack a bit.. You know I admit to being a paranoid and possesive.. but dude you gave me plenty of reason. You would blow me off constantly, you put urself in the situation to act on things you knew would be fucked up, the way you dressed.. i mean seriously.. who wears their smallest skirt with high heels and a tank top to go WALK down to tech field and read a book on a Saturday afternoon... when all the techie guys are playin soccer? My hat goes of to Lacey for inviting me to come by without you even knowing.. that was pretty lame dude. So you know I always thought I had some kind of problem with bein jealous, possesive, and paranoid.. but now that I look back on it dude.. I've only EVER felt that way with you.. and I know its that way because when I even get the slightest hint of it anymore I can isolate it and forget about it that easy. The strange thing is that it wasn't like that at first dude.. everything was fuckin peachy. Then we broke up the first time..we won't even get into that reason.. so then we got back.. things were still goin smooth.. than you started changing.. your friends had this HUGE influence on ya.. ur SINGLE friends m gonna throw in there.. so then we went through our shit and ya broke up again.. it was a while before we got back together... then from that last time shit was constantly up and down.. you had changed sOoOoo MUCH... and you lied to me a lot dude. You know, i know m not one to talk for the lying bit, but for as much shit as you gave me for it.. it was all hypocritical bullshit and you know it.. you'd be amazed at how easy ur friends sold you out about shit. There's a lot of things you didn't want me to know about that I did.. and you know what.. I had my own shit that you didn't know about either.. and It may sound fucked up and immature.. but the gratification I got from having my own way of justifying the situation saved me from sayin "fuck you and walking away".. We both had our stress with each other and honestly I dont see how either of us couldn't see past the pretentious bullshit that kept us together.. and i admit its was fun when it was and you were one of the koolest people i'd ever met and I admired ur morality and judgement a lot.. where the fuck that went I have no fuckin clue.. innocence was drowned out in the alchohol I get.. which brings me to the finale.. I had told you since the very beginning.. my HUGEST turn-offs were drinking and smoking.. BIGGEST MOST GIGANTIC turn offs.. I also said i would never fall for a girl who drinks.. and you asked me why.. so I told you.. There's too many girls who when they drink have no control and its like downing a bottle of instaslut.. and I said to me personally its the most degrading disgusting thing and that the ones who turn into party whores deserve the way they get treated when they're there.. you argued with me and went on ur whole feminist trip and i listened.. and hell I even believed you when you said you would never be that way and didnt intend to drink or whatever.. and KNOWING full well how you used to act when you did get drunk.. even from the stories YOU told and confirmed with me.. i took your word for it.. and then dude you deliberately like went behind my back after givin me shit about trust, and went and did that shit... and THEN to top it all off that night when i confronted you.. you actually had the guts to say you loved me after you intentionally BLEW me off and did the one thing you fuckin KNEW that I hated.. if thats love.. then fuck that shit hate is more passionate than that.. so yadda yadda yadda we broke up i admitted lying to you about something we broke up a long time ago about that i KNEW you already knew about but i wanted to see if you'd try and turn it around.. y? because I had found out about you meating mike and him sayin he wanted to see you again.. so I knew now you'd established your back up and could give a fuck.. and sure enough dude you did.. I always said I knew you to well and to me you were a window.. and sure enough dude.. so then like two days later you were already with this other dude.. ha.. ha.. so then lets skip ahead.. you remember my theory about instaslut and the whole party whore thing.. well you'd partied pretty much every weekend since then to present.. and YOU urself in addition to other people have said you make out wiht just about everyone and get felt up and even got fucked while u were drunk.. u told me not to tell anyone about that.. but you already showed me what honesty means to you already..
Mangeur d'Homme says:
it was an accident
Mangeur d'Homme says:
i was very drunk
Mangeur d'Homme says:
but i was all into him before, so it's not like i didn't want to or whatever.
..So to say the very least, thanks for proving my theory and confirming my predictions.. appreciate it. So to answer your question.. its not a really a hate as much as it is a real dissapointment... to see someone with morals and considerations completely 180* and go in a downward spiral.. but maybe thats just me ;).. as u said before.. its ur life right.. well good luck with it dude and I wish the best. I'm completely livin it up and have lost a ton of stress with our breakup.. and ya know I do miss the person you used to be.. but anytime i look back on it dude.. i really dont.. and the only loss i feel other than the stress, is the loss of a friend.. but technically I lost that with you a LONG time ago. BUT, you know to each their own dude, and if your happy than why not.. smoke em if you got em.. or for ur sake.. drink em :P.
Ha, that was fun.. but I am with a FuckiN awEsOme girl right now dude.. and she has a lot of my trust and m pretty confident she'll do the right thing with it ;) She's awesome and I can't wait to live it up with her beside meh! I love ya dude and thanks for bein so fuckIn SDFHC (Super Duper Fuckin Hard Core), it's been fuckin awesome so far and I only look forward to it gettin better _\m/
Well thats it for me.. good luck with readin it all dudes :P :S..
RoCk HeaVy BitCheS!
P.S.- SLT... DuDe YoU ComPLeTe Me ;) MuCho LuV-O
_\m/ xXKaOsXx \m/_
First of all.. my biggest beef is the deception. The day we got in the last fight.. you gave me the biggest speech about trust and positive outlook in a relationship.. and then that same night completely lie to me and do the ONE thing that I hated the most... how fucked up is that? So lets backtrack a bit.. You know I admit to being a paranoid and possesive.. but dude you gave me plenty of reason. You would blow me off constantly, you put urself in the situation to act on things you knew would be fucked up, the way you dressed.. i mean seriously.. who wears their smallest skirt with high heels and a tank top to go WALK down to tech field and read a book on a Saturday afternoon... when all the techie guys are playin soccer? My hat goes of to Lacey for inviting me to come by without you even knowing.. that was pretty lame dude. So you know I always thought I had some kind of problem with bein jealous, possesive, and paranoid.. but now that I look back on it dude.. I've only EVER felt that way with you.. and I know its that way because when I even get the slightest hint of it anymore I can isolate it and forget about it that easy. The strange thing is that it wasn't like that at first dude.. everything was fuckin peachy. Then we broke up the first time..we won't even get into that reason.. so then we got back.. things were still goin smooth.. than you started changing.. your friends had this HUGE influence on ya.. ur SINGLE friends m gonna throw in there.. so then we went through our shit and ya broke up again.. it was a while before we got back together... then from that last time shit was constantly up and down.. you had changed sOoOoo MUCH... and you lied to me a lot dude. You know, i know m not one to talk for the lying bit, but for as much shit as you gave me for it.. it was all hypocritical bullshit and you know it.. you'd be amazed at how easy ur friends sold you out about shit. There's a lot of things you didn't want me to know about that I did.. and you know what.. I had my own shit that you didn't know about either.. and It may sound fucked up and immature.. but the gratification I got from having my own way of justifying the situation saved me from sayin "fuck you and walking away".. We both had our stress with each other and honestly I dont see how either of us couldn't see past the pretentious bullshit that kept us together.. and i admit its was fun when it was and you were one of the koolest people i'd ever met and I admired ur morality and judgement a lot.. where the fuck that went I have no fuckin clue.. innocence was drowned out in the alchohol I get.. which brings me to the finale.. I had told you since the very beginning.. my HUGEST turn-offs were drinking and smoking.. BIGGEST MOST GIGANTIC turn offs.. I also said i would never fall for a girl who drinks.. and you asked me why.. so I told you.. There's too many girls who when they drink have no control and its like downing a bottle of instaslut.. and I said to me personally its the most degrading disgusting thing and that the ones who turn into party whores deserve the way they get treated when they're there.. you argued with me and went on ur whole feminist trip and i listened.. and hell I even believed you when you said you would never be that way and didnt intend to drink or whatever.. and KNOWING full well how you used to act when you did get drunk.. even from the stories YOU told and confirmed with me.. i took your word for it.. and then dude you deliberately like went behind my back after givin me shit about trust, and went and did that shit... and THEN to top it all off that night when i confronted you.. you actually had the guts to say you loved me after you intentionally BLEW me off and did the one thing you fuckin KNEW that I hated.. if thats love.. then fuck that shit hate is more passionate than that.. so yadda yadda yadda we broke up i admitted lying to you about something we broke up a long time ago about that i KNEW you already knew about but i wanted to see if you'd try and turn it around.. y? because I had found out about you meating mike and him sayin he wanted to see you again.. so I knew now you'd established your back up and could give a fuck.. and sure enough dude you did.. I always said I knew you to well and to me you were a window.. and sure enough dude.. so then like two days later you were already with this other dude.. ha.. ha.. so then lets skip ahead.. you remember my theory about instaslut and the whole party whore thing.. well you'd partied pretty much every weekend since then to present.. and YOU urself in addition to other people have said you make out wiht just about everyone and get felt up and even got fucked while u were drunk.. u told me not to tell anyone about that.. but you already showed me what honesty means to you already..
Mangeur d'Homme says:
it was an accident
Mangeur d'Homme says:
i was very drunk
Mangeur d'Homme says:
but i was all into him before, so it's not like i didn't want to or whatever.
..So to say the very least, thanks for proving my theory and confirming my predictions.. appreciate it. So to answer your question.. its not a really a hate as much as it is a real dissapointment... to see someone with morals and considerations completely 180* and go in a downward spiral.. but maybe thats just me ;).. as u said before.. its ur life right.. well good luck with it dude and I wish the best. I'm completely livin it up and have lost a ton of stress with our breakup.. and ya know I do miss the person you used to be.. but anytime i look back on it dude.. i really dont.. and the only loss i feel other than the stress, is the loss of a friend.. but technically I lost that with you a LONG time ago. BUT, you know to each their own dude, and if your happy than why not.. smoke em if you got em.. or for ur sake.. drink em :P.
Ha, that was fun.. but I am with a FuckiN awEsOme girl right now dude.. and she has a lot of my trust and m pretty confident she'll do the right thing with it ;) She's awesome and I can't wait to live it up with her beside meh! I love ya dude and thanks for bein so fuckIn SDFHC (Super Duper Fuckin Hard Core), it's been fuckin awesome so far and I only look forward to it gettin better _\m/
Well thats it for me.. good luck with readin it all dudes :P :S..
RoCk HeaVy BitCheS!
P.S.- SLT... DuDe YoU ComPLeTe Me ;) MuCho LuV-O
_\m/ xXKaOsXx \m/_