when does we become you

[kaopectate]

lately i fell like im not a person anymore. in an attempt to see myself, in the sense that i exist in the lives of other people, i have failed horribly. i fell more and more like people exist as fixtures in a room all serving a different purpose some more noble than others. what would a lamp be able to say to a couch or a table. ok ok, im being vague as hell, but i just feel nothing in common with anyone anymore. all of the connections ive made with people over the years seem fleeting and shattering. i also get the idea that basically everyone i ever come into contact with thinks that anything i fell or say is somehow invalid or wanton. sabotage lurks around every corner. i am no longer a person in the eyes of everyone, i am an abstraction. im a construct or archetype. im in a fish out of water comedy and all the jokes are on me,though still funny to me, incredibly mean spirited and hateful. i thought everthing was back to normal after the hospital visit and all that shit(if you dont know dont ask). but really its not. it seems no one is a fried to me anymore. in the eyes of everyone i feel like a burden, this guy that no one wants to die and thats it. distance, seperation etc. a person to keep around but never to let close. a clown. a minstrel. people can lie and be two faced to me and try to save face and say they arent like that, but until i feel a connection with any human being, im going to have a hard time trusting anyone.

sorry but thats just sort of how it is right now. if you can prove otherwise please do.

-eric