047: Musings
I've been thinking about something for a while now; I can't seem to find time to relax. I mean, of course, of course, I have free time; too much of it, indeed. Yet for some reason, I have this lingering feeling that I don't have enough time in the day. It's perplexing. I mean, it's 12:40 AM as I type this, and I know I should be going to bed now, but I'm up spilling my guts onto a digital page.
Speaking of digital, why haven't I used this digital tablet yet? I don't mean I haven't used it at all, but I want to draw with it, to make unbelievably fantastic dreams that flow directly from my hand into the painter programs. For some reason, I think everything I draw on the tablet is crap, and I don't draw anymore. So maybe I'm lacking in practice.
My head hurts, and I'm being emo again. Damn it. And I'm being sidetracked.
What's missing from my life that I can't sit down and enjoy the situations I'm in? My mind automatically jumps to "go go go", but that's partly my attitude towards work and partly the influence of society. It's times like this I would browse everything2 endlessly, reading countless thoughts on life-and-death (and less serious things) ...
Hm, I always seem to write in here when I'm sad, which blows out my language to practically Shakespearean proportions, as you can see by the fact that I even used the word "Shakespearean".
I guess I'm feeling a bit of envy-- for others and the lives they lead that are more exciting than mine (or maybe I just think they're more exciting because I don't savor my own life) -- and a bit of anger -- at myself, for even feeling like this. I'm not supposed to feel this way; I'm me! I'm the sly, bubbly jokester! Ah, I'm fighting with myself again. On one hand, I know these are valid emotions to have. The other, I'm frustrated at myself fore even feeling like this when there are so many good things happening to me right now. I suppose I'll have to think about that later; for now, I'm tired and I'm nearly disgusted with this entry as it is.
When I make entries like this, I feel so cookie-cutter, like I'm another LJ Whiny Emo Kid.
I suppose I am, sometimes.
Speaking of digital, why haven't I used this digital tablet yet? I don't mean I haven't used it at all, but I want to draw with it, to make unbelievably fantastic dreams that flow directly from my hand into the painter programs. For some reason, I think everything I draw on the tablet is crap, and I don't draw anymore. So maybe I'm lacking in practice.
My head hurts, and I'm being emo again. Damn it. And I'm being sidetracked.
What's missing from my life that I can't sit down and enjoy the situations I'm in? My mind automatically jumps to "go go go", but that's partly my attitude towards work and partly the influence of society. It's times like this I would browse everything2 endlessly, reading countless thoughts on life-and-death (and less serious things) ...
Hm, I always seem to write in here when I'm sad, which blows out my language to practically Shakespearean proportions, as you can see by the fact that I even used the word "Shakespearean".
I guess I'm feeling a bit of envy-- for others and the lives they lead that are more exciting than mine (or maybe I just think they're more exciting because I don't savor my own life) -- and a bit of anger -- at myself, for even feeling like this. I'm not supposed to feel this way; I'm me! I'm the sly, bubbly jokester! Ah, I'm fighting with myself again. On one hand, I know these are valid emotions to have. The other, I'm frustrated at myself fore even feeling like this when there are so many good things happening to me right now. I suppose I'll have to think about that later; for now, I'm tired and I'm nearly disgusted with this entry as it is.
When I make entries like this, I feel so cookie-cutter, like I'm another LJ Whiny Emo Kid.
I suppose I am, sometimes.