Sleeping with cold sweat
I have been kind of imsomniac since I started College.
Sometimes, it was because I knew I wouldn't end stuff before class (some of my classes were at 10 AM/ 11 AM) and because I didn't have a laptop to bring to the faculty (and their internet sucks, so).
Sometimes, you would see me at 9 AM, trying to end at last moment a thing to send it because one of my teachers wanted to have it on the internet platform of their choice as if it was class attendance. Or print it. Fortunately, my last college's year I had a car advantage when before it was 20/30 minutes walking or taking the bus in less of 20 minutes.
So, staying awake at earlier hours in the morning became a horrible custom. My sleeping/rest hours are so screwed up and I somehow FEAR I would not repair them once I get a fixed job with a schedule (because as I don't like to admit, I'm working at home right now and I'm... somehow a freelance Graphic Designer. "Freelance" is too stretched, though.).
Sure, I can take the time to write and research and even edit minor things on Photoshop to don't lose practice when the moment requires it... but... there are other times that I don't know what I feel or want to do.
There are other times that I just think in something, and my head doesn't wrap it enough, letting some loose strings that I may or may not think around them as well.
I get to write them up, sometimes I just rant about them. I also admit that at those hours, my head doesn't work appropiately and whatever I would write, at the next day/night I would feel embarrassed because why shouldn't I? Or I realize I invested too much time on those things that I wrote. Or I invested too much emotions for the next day to realize it was so silly of me.
What it's avoidable... I cannot avoid it.
There are other times, when I just don't want to do anything. I end up feeling... hollow? As if I don't have the will to do anything. I just read. and time goes on, and on, even if I watch something before doing this. Then, when times arrives and I'm REALLY tired, I sometimes don't get sleep so easily. Sometimes it takes me more than a hour to get some sleep, because then I'm thinking about things, mostly about silly things and my own future.
If you ask me why I don't sleep earlier... it's because of two things: The most important, is that right now I control my sleep hours, I sleep the same quantity of hours I usually wanted to do, being 6-7 hours. The other thing, is that eventually, sleeping doesn't seem enough... and I don't find something useful to do around the house at middle-morning. Heck, watching TV is out of the question because we don't have cable anymore and I don't feel like watching something I download or even Netflix so earlier. And this hot weather... I prefer to sleep than going out or doing something more proactive: my house feels hot and the sun over it doesn't help that much to make me move to do other stuff.
Oh, and I start to work at midday, so...
What? That I could do something else?
I have options, but they are not that cheaper because of transport and because I need to get stuff to make them "go". As soon as the weather... becomes much more of my preference (nor hot nor cold, but a middle point) I might rethink everything else.
Then again... I worry for the silliest things ever that there are TOO many times that they don't make me go to sleep so easily. Things that I hope dissapear soon as my mind gets lost in the darkness (or the first light of the day)... but sadly return as I remember them 6-7 hours later after dreaming with other stuff.
Sometimes, it was because I knew I wouldn't end stuff before class (some of my classes were at 10 AM/ 11 AM) and because I didn't have a laptop to bring to the faculty (and their internet sucks, so).
Sometimes, you would see me at 9 AM, trying to end at last moment a thing to send it because one of my teachers wanted to have it on the internet platform of their choice as if it was class attendance. Or print it. Fortunately, my last college's year I had a car advantage when before it was 20/30 minutes walking or taking the bus in less of 20 minutes.
So, staying awake at earlier hours in the morning became a horrible custom. My sleeping/rest hours are so screwed up and I somehow FEAR I would not repair them once I get a fixed job with a schedule (because as I don't like to admit, I'm working at home right now and I'm... somehow a freelance Graphic Designer. "Freelance" is too stretched, though.).
Sure, I can take the time to write and research and even edit minor things on Photoshop to don't lose practice when the moment requires it... but... there are other times that I don't know what I feel or want to do.
There are other times that I just think in something, and my head doesn't wrap it enough, letting some loose strings that I may or may not think around them as well.
I get to write them up, sometimes I just rant about them. I also admit that at those hours, my head doesn't work appropiately and whatever I would write, at the next day/night I would feel embarrassed because why shouldn't I? Or I realize I invested too much time on those things that I wrote. Or I invested too much emotions for the next day to realize it was so silly of me.
What it's avoidable... I cannot avoid it.
There are other times, when I just don't want to do anything. I end up feeling... hollow? As if I don't have the will to do anything. I just read. and time goes on, and on, even if I watch something before doing this. Then, when times arrives and I'm REALLY tired, I sometimes don't get sleep so easily. Sometimes it takes me more than a hour to get some sleep, because then I'm thinking about things, mostly about silly things and my own future.
If you ask me why I don't sleep earlier... it's because of two things: The most important, is that right now I control my sleep hours, I sleep the same quantity of hours I usually wanted to do, being 6-7 hours. The other thing, is that eventually, sleeping doesn't seem enough... and I don't find something useful to do around the house at middle-morning. Heck, watching TV is out of the question because we don't have cable anymore and I don't feel like watching something I download or even Netflix so earlier. And this hot weather... I prefer to sleep than going out or doing something more proactive: my house feels hot and the sun over it doesn't help that much to make me move to do other stuff.
Oh, and I start to work at midday, so...
What? That I could do something else?
I have options, but they are not that cheaper because of transport and because I need to get stuff to make them "go". As soon as the weather... becomes much more of my preference (nor hot nor cold, but a middle point) I might rethink everything else.
Then again... I worry for the silliest things ever that there are TOO many times that they don't make me go to sleep so easily. Things that I hope dissapear soon as my mind gets lost in the darkness (or the first light of the day)... but sadly return as I remember them 6-7 hours later after dreaming with other stuff.