judgy subreddits, mono/poly, electro, etc.
Was feeling sorta lonely last night after I ate my soup alone in my bedroom, so I was interacting with strangers online, which is usually annoying LOL. One more day of negotiated isolation within my own house!
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The poly subreddit is probably the most judgmental subreddit that I can stand ever interacting with. I got downvoted for weighing in on whether a married woman should have to use the word "spouse" when referring to her husband instead of "partner". My take -- this is a stupid argument LOL, use whichever term you want. But on the poly subreddit they have very judgy fights over precise words. It's a wonderful example of how censorious the Left can be in 2023.
The dispute arose in the context of a poly husband whose poly wife was flirting online with another man (she hasn't met him yet, and has no plans to meet him yet). Husband wanted wife to refer to himself as her "spouse" instead of her "partner" to ensure that the other man knew that they were "married". If you've ever heard of "couples privilege" in the nonmonogamy world, this felt like a prime example of it to me. This dude wants it to be clear from the outset to all other men that there is only one "spouse" in his wife's universe, and that role is already taken. He also wants to regulate the speech his wife uses when flirting with other men online.
The ensuing debate was mainly about whether it is OK to hide the fact that you're married when looking for additional partners. No, it isn't OK, but I don't think this requires using the word "spouse" all the time LOL, and I don't think using the word "partner" always means you aren't married. Literally one of the dictionary meanings of "partner" is "a spouse".
But poly people often get into fights over which words are correct for which people to use and they will downvote you if they disagree with you. It may look like a debate at first glance, but they aren't "debating", they're enforcing.
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Monogamous people often drop by the poly subreddit to ask questions or complain. One woman in particular came to ask for advice because she is monogamous but a guy she's been dating for a few months finally told her he's actually poly, and then told her why. And then he broke up with her. But now he wants to get back together, but she's monogamous and only wants a monogamous relationship.
To me, it is clear, she shouldn't get back together with him. I told her to defend her own stated boundary and move on. But then she angrily reacted like I hadn't actually read her post, which confused me. I reread it and she seemed to be misquoting herself in her response to me. WTF? After sleeping on it, I realized that she's still in love with the guy and so doesn't want to believe he's poly and is looking for clues that he's not really poly so she can get back together with him. Oh, dear.
If somebody tells you he's poly and then breaks up with you because you're mono, that's not subtle, that's not a hint. When he wants to get back together with you ... just say no. This is not a match.
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Then there are the many many people all over the Internet who ask some version of "How do I tell/ask them [X]?" I've decided this is the most common relationship question on the Internet. And the answer is always, "Just like you told/asked us strangers [X] on the Internet. Go ahead, use your words."
They ask this question because they're anxious about having the conversation, worried the conversation won't go the way they want it to. So they're hoping for some sort of magic words that will control how the other person responds. These magic words don't exist. Other people are allowed to react in their own way, you don't get to control how they react.
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The one person on Twitter who I'm closest to as an online friend, although we haven't yet met, retweeted one of those "Never use electro toys above the waist" warnings. So, as I've done before, I asked whether anybody has ever heard of somebody actually dying from using a battery-operated electro toy.
Nobody ever has, but my simple question always generates irate responses from people who claim that it is always dangerous to use electro above the waist and that this shouldn't even be a debate. A couple people helpfully posted screen shots of instructions from particular electro devices that say don't use this particular device above the waist. One person angrily said, "A simple Google search will tell you don't use electro above the waist, this isn't a debate."
Well, a simple Google search will tell you that Jesus rose from the dead, but that's not proof of anything.
If you have a good memory you'll recall that I've written about this topic before, and that I did a VERY DEEP DIVE on this topic. I bought a forensic textbook about how to investigate autoerotic deaths, complete with pictures of corpses. I studied the physics of how the heart uses electricity, and the medical literature about electrocution. I searched the Internet the best I could for any example of any person ever being injured by a battery-powered electro device. No example exists.
Furthermore, there are TENS units available on Amazon or at CVS that are sold for medical purposes, not erotic purposes. I've studied how these devices differ from the erotic electro units (not much or at all), and the various instructions given by their various manufacturers, and whether ANYBODY has EVER DIED from using one. FYI, TENS units are used above the waist all the time, even as directed. They've never killed anybody.
I feel I've studied this question as much as a layperson can, but random people on the internet like to feel smarter than everybody else and like to tell other people what they can or cannot do.
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Well, I've got a medical appointment this morning, so I need to get up and have my breakfast. I'll know in a few hours whether I've got skin cancer or not, whee.
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The poly subreddit is probably the most judgmental subreddit that I can stand ever interacting with. I got downvoted for weighing in on whether a married woman should have to use the word "spouse" when referring to her husband instead of "partner". My take -- this is a stupid argument LOL, use whichever term you want. But on the poly subreddit they have very judgy fights over precise words. It's a wonderful example of how censorious the Left can be in 2023.
The dispute arose in the context of a poly husband whose poly wife was flirting online with another man (she hasn't met him yet, and has no plans to meet him yet). Husband wanted wife to refer to himself as her "spouse" instead of her "partner" to ensure that the other man knew that they were "married". If you've ever heard of "couples privilege" in the nonmonogamy world, this felt like a prime example of it to me. This dude wants it to be clear from the outset to all other men that there is only one "spouse" in his wife's universe, and that role is already taken. He also wants to regulate the speech his wife uses when flirting with other men online.
The ensuing debate was mainly about whether it is OK to hide the fact that you're married when looking for additional partners. No, it isn't OK, but I don't think this requires using the word "spouse" all the time LOL, and I don't think using the word "partner" always means you aren't married. Literally one of the dictionary meanings of "partner" is "a spouse".
But poly people often get into fights over which words are correct for which people to use and they will downvote you if they disagree with you. It may look like a debate at first glance, but they aren't "debating", they're enforcing.
-----
Monogamous people often drop by the poly subreddit to ask questions or complain. One woman in particular came to ask for advice because she is monogamous but a guy she's been dating for a few months finally told her he's actually poly, and then told her why. And then he broke up with her. But now he wants to get back together, but she's monogamous and only wants a monogamous relationship.
To me, it is clear, she shouldn't get back together with him. I told her to defend her own stated boundary and move on. But then she angrily reacted like I hadn't actually read her post, which confused me. I reread it and she seemed to be misquoting herself in her response to me. WTF? After sleeping on it, I realized that she's still in love with the guy and so doesn't want to believe he's poly and is looking for clues that he's not really poly so she can get back together with him. Oh, dear.
If somebody tells you he's poly and then breaks up with you because you're mono, that's not subtle, that's not a hint. When he wants to get back together with you ... just say no. This is not a match.
-----
Then there are the many many people all over the Internet who ask some version of "How do I tell/ask them [X]?" I've decided this is the most common relationship question on the Internet. And the answer is always, "Just like you told/asked us strangers [X] on the Internet. Go ahead, use your words."
They ask this question because they're anxious about having the conversation, worried the conversation won't go the way they want it to. So they're hoping for some sort of magic words that will control how the other person responds. These magic words don't exist. Other people are allowed to react in their own way, you don't get to control how they react.
-----
The one person on Twitter who I'm closest to as an online friend, although we haven't yet met, retweeted one of those "Never use electro toys above the waist" warnings. So, as I've done before, I asked whether anybody has ever heard of somebody actually dying from using a battery-operated electro toy.
Nobody ever has, but my simple question always generates irate responses from people who claim that it is always dangerous to use electro above the waist and that this shouldn't even be a debate. A couple people helpfully posted screen shots of instructions from particular electro devices that say don't use this particular device above the waist. One person angrily said, "A simple Google search will tell you don't use electro above the waist, this isn't a debate."
Well, a simple Google search will tell you that Jesus rose from the dead, but that's not proof of anything.
If you have a good memory you'll recall that I've written about this topic before, and that I did a VERY DEEP DIVE on this topic. I bought a forensic textbook about how to investigate autoerotic deaths, complete with pictures of corpses. I studied the physics of how the heart uses electricity, and the medical literature about electrocution. I searched the Internet the best I could for any example of any person ever being injured by a battery-powered electro device. No example exists.
Furthermore, there are TENS units available on Amazon or at CVS that are sold for medical purposes, not erotic purposes. I've studied how these devices differ from the erotic electro units (not much or at all), and the various instructions given by their various manufacturers, and whether ANYBODY has EVER DIED from using one. FYI, TENS units are used above the waist all the time, even as directed. They've never killed anybody.
I feel I've studied this question as much as a layperson can, but random people on the internet like to feel smarter than everybody else and like to tell other people what they can or cannot do.
-----
Well, I've got a medical appointment this morning, so I need to get up and have my breakfast. I'll know in a few hours whether I've got skin cancer or not, whee.