federal holiday Monday
I woke around 5am, after another evening in which B went to bed about as early as T does. I tried to stay up later myself but I was sleepy also. I wanted to run this morning, but B wanted a ride home before I ran, so we worked out a schedule that allowed both, but it's now the time of year when I really need to try to run before the sun gets above the trees.
Anyway, I ran 3 miles with extra walk breaks. I've been cooling off on the sofa enjoying the silence of the house to myself, and the sounds of kids playing outside -- we have so many kids of outdoor play age on our street now.
I have no social plans for today, but it is possible that could change. But I'm feeling better about spending time by myself than I did yesterday. I'm grateful to B for taking care of house and cats while I spent time at the condo with K, and I'm further grateful to B for spending an entire extra day here to help me adjust to both K and T being away again. I may just get the house ready for Maids and Trash Day tomorrow -- both rescheduled from today -- and then enjoy my body on my own for a while this afternoon. I plan to commute Tuesday and Friday this week.
Then T finally returns tomorrow evening from his longest trip away this year -- 25 days. Then B may stay here with T on Wednesday night, and again Saturday night. I've got a massage scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. I've still got an inventory of cards to turn into Sir Ben for orgasms, and then he & I will come up with the next game plan for earning types of sexual gratification.
I watched a lot of great and challenging films with K while he was here, and then a great and challenging TV show with B yesterday. They're both fans of challenging films -- film as art not merely as entertainment. Not like Top Gun: Maverick or whatever. And sometimes I'm into some challenging viewing on my own, I'm thinking of Outlander as one horrific example. And Downton Abbey was more challenging than I'd expected, yet I stuck with it for a while. I'm not the type of person who just wants to pleasure cruise through life, I do appreciate challenges, even during my "leisure" time, although sometimes the life I set up for myself can feel like too much work and not enough reward.
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I may skip Time to Self at the condo next weekend, and just hang out at the house with T (& B). I miss T and I don't have a visitor or trip lined up (yet) for his next away cycle, so I might have a surplus of Time to Self coming up.
I'm still trying to figure out a new rhythm and balance for my social life with so many people coming and going.
I had this thought --> that the time is ripe for me to meet some other dude who doesn't have a primary boyfriend anymore LOL, but he'd have to be OK with me having other fellas in my life. I dunno. Since I'm not hearing from Recon Mike anymore, there's probably room during T's next away cycle for me to meet one or more new fellas from the apps. I should be more used to the commute by then, and if my taking stress & sleep management classes isn't enough to deal with the levels of anxiety I've been feeling the past two months, then I will seek additional help.
Did I say this to K or to B or to both this weekend -- I'm still hunting for a way to enjoy Time to Self when it isn't so limited by my relationships and responsibilities. For years I've had this pattern of grabbing some Time to Self when I need a break, and really enjoying that Time to Self, but I also have a pile of hobbies that I think I'm interested in, and should explore when I have additional Time to Self -- like I'll have while T is working at this new-but-temporary job -- but so far the swing between T here for weeks and T not here for weeks has been challenging.
I haven't been able to just relax into having MUCH MORE TIME TO SELF by throwing myself into my hobbies. Partly because work has been stressful and wears me out, partly because adjusting to living by myself half the time has been stressful also. It could be useful to speak with an individual therapist about these changes in my life -- returning to the office, T's new job, K having moved to Portland, the post-COVID realities.
But, OK, next step is the sleep management class on Thursday. Then we'll see how I handle the next multi-week away cycle.
Anyway, I ran 3 miles with extra walk breaks. I've been cooling off on the sofa enjoying the silence of the house to myself, and the sounds of kids playing outside -- we have so many kids of outdoor play age on our street now.
I have no social plans for today, but it is possible that could change. But I'm feeling better about spending time by myself than I did yesterday. I'm grateful to B for taking care of house and cats while I spent time at the condo with K, and I'm further grateful to B for spending an entire extra day here to help me adjust to both K and T being away again. I may just get the house ready for Maids and Trash Day tomorrow -- both rescheduled from today -- and then enjoy my body on my own for a while this afternoon. I plan to commute Tuesday and Friday this week.
Then T finally returns tomorrow evening from his longest trip away this year -- 25 days. Then B may stay here with T on Wednesday night, and again Saturday night. I've got a massage scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. I've still got an inventory of cards to turn into Sir Ben for orgasms, and then he & I will come up with the next game plan for earning types of sexual gratification.
I watched a lot of great and challenging films with K while he was here, and then a great and challenging TV show with B yesterday. They're both fans of challenging films -- film as art not merely as entertainment. Not like Top Gun: Maverick or whatever. And sometimes I'm into some challenging viewing on my own, I'm thinking of Outlander as one horrific example. And Downton Abbey was more challenging than I'd expected, yet I stuck with it for a while. I'm not the type of person who just wants to pleasure cruise through life, I do appreciate challenges, even during my "leisure" time, although sometimes the life I set up for myself can feel like too much work and not enough reward.
-----
I may skip Time to Self at the condo next weekend, and just hang out at the house with T (& B). I miss T and I don't have a visitor or trip lined up (yet) for his next away cycle, so I might have a surplus of Time to Self coming up.
I'm still trying to figure out a new rhythm and balance for my social life with so many people coming and going.
I had this thought --> that the time is ripe for me to meet some other dude who doesn't have a primary boyfriend anymore LOL, but he'd have to be OK with me having other fellas in my life. I dunno. Since I'm not hearing from Recon Mike anymore, there's probably room during T's next away cycle for me to meet one or more new fellas from the apps. I should be more used to the commute by then, and if my taking stress & sleep management classes isn't enough to deal with the levels of anxiety I've been feeling the past two months, then I will seek additional help.
Did I say this to K or to B or to both this weekend -- I'm still hunting for a way to enjoy Time to Self when it isn't so limited by my relationships and responsibilities. For years I've had this pattern of grabbing some Time to Self when I need a break, and really enjoying that Time to Self, but I also have a pile of hobbies that I think I'm interested in, and should explore when I have additional Time to Self -- like I'll have while T is working at this new-but-temporary job -- but so far the swing between T here for weeks and T not here for weeks has been challenging.
I haven't been able to just relax into having MUCH MORE TIME TO SELF by throwing myself into my hobbies. Partly because work has been stressful and wears me out, partly because adjusting to living by myself half the time has been stressful also. It could be useful to speak with an individual therapist about these changes in my life -- returning to the office, T's new job, K having moved to Portland, the post-COVID realities.
But, OK, next step is the sleep management class on Thursday. Then we'll see how I handle the next multi-week away cycle.