"people sure are nosy"
That was my comment to a post on the Relationship Anarchy subreddit. The poster wanted to know what terms RA people use to refer to their significant relationships. Of course, my readers know I generally use the term "partner" for convenience, but I suggested that you don't need terms at all, refer to folks by their names.
The poster responded, "But then people want to know whether such-and-such person is my boyfriend or whatever."
To which I replied, "People sure are nosy!"
This got me to thinking about how we present ourselves to the world: "This is the person with whom I am presumed to have sex." The world presumes everybody is monogamous, and that you are either "single" or you have somebody that has generally agreed to have sex with you -- a "boyfriend" or "partner" or "fiance" or "wife".
Why does the world need to know whether a particular person I hang out with is somebody I have sex with?
Of course, we all know there are exceptions. There are asexual relationships, "dead bedrooms", some people "cheat", some people have negotiated open relationships. But when grandma wants to know whether you've found a girlfriend yet, basically she wants to know whether you're fucking anybody and if so whom.
It's part of my On The Spectrum nature to point out this shit, the same way I've pointed out that our gendered clothing styles immediately signal whether the wearer has a penis or a vagina.
By your clothing you signal whether you have a penis or a vagina, and via your wedding ring finger you signify whether and with whom you are having sex. Why does our culture need to know these things?
"Are you two dating?"
"Why is this considered a legitimate question? You want to know whether we're fucking? Do you also want to know how often, which positions we use, whether we take birth control, whether we're vanilla or kinky?"
"No, that's disgusting."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Well, you two spend a lot of time together. I was just curious whether you're dating."
"You mean, curious whether we're fucking."
"No!"
The poster responded, "But then people want to know whether such-and-such person is my boyfriend or whatever."
To which I replied, "People sure are nosy!"
This got me to thinking about how we present ourselves to the world: "This is the person with whom I am presumed to have sex." The world presumes everybody is monogamous, and that you are either "single" or you have somebody that has generally agreed to have sex with you -- a "boyfriend" or "partner" or "fiance" or "wife".
Why does the world need to know whether a particular person I hang out with is somebody I have sex with?
Of course, we all know there are exceptions. There are asexual relationships, "dead bedrooms", some people "cheat", some people have negotiated open relationships. But when grandma wants to know whether you've found a girlfriend yet, basically she wants to know whether you're fucking anybody and if so whom.
It's part of my On The Spectrum nature to point out this shit, the same way I've pointed out that our gendered clothing styles immediately signal whether the wearer has a penis or a vagina.
By your clothing you signal whether you have a penis or a vagina, and via your wedding ring finger you signify whether and with whom you are having sex. Why does our culture need to know these things?
"Are you two dating?"
"Why is this considered a legitimate question? You want to know whether we're fucking? Do you also want to know how often, which positions we use, whether we take birth control, whether we're vanilla or kinky?"
"No, that's disgusting."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Well, you two spend a lot of time together. I was just curious whether you're dating."
"You mean, curious whether we're fucking."
"No!"