Wikipedia
Just for a sanity check I read some Wikipedia articles on child discipline and found that I'm not at all outside the mainstream of expert thinking on this stuff. In particular how I used the word "discipline" to cover a wide range of teaching, correcting, and punishing behavior, and how "time out" is an acceptable and mainstream form of discipline in the US -- not that I'd necessarily ever use it, but damn these poly parents were freaking out about time outs.
I spoke with T about how these rabidly anti-authority poly parents reminded me of anti-vaxxers, who often assert that only parents should have any control over which preventive medicines will be given to their children.
I'm glad my own parents weren't freaks about child discipline. I had a lot of criticisms of my parents when I was an adolescent and young adult, but their notions of child discipline were within the mainstream for their time. They abandoned spanking while I was a kid and switched to nonviolent punishments, for example.
My biggest criticisms of my parents were:
(1) By the time I was an adolescent their marriage was a sham, they only stayed together "for the children." I felt this was dishonest. I later learned that my mother had affairs with more than one of our parish priests, one of who was reassigned to a distant parish as punishment. If my father was unfaithful, I never learned of it.
(2) They both worked full time once my youngest sister was old enough for school, leaving us kids to sort of raise each other, what people called "latchkey kids" back then. I strongly felt that one of the parents should stay home with the kids, but obviously I wasn't in charge of my parents. After my older sisters moved out, I was often responsible for supervising my younger siblings, especially during summer break.
(3) They argued a lot about money and it seemed irrational to me how they decided what stuff they'd spend money on vs what stuff they wouldn't. As I neared college age I was extremely pissed off at them that they wouldn't contribute any money toward my college education. It was not possible for undergraduates to borrow money for college back then like they can now. I thought it was ridiculous that my father would buy me a car so I could get a minimum wage job, but wouldn't contribute to my college education so I could eventually get a better-paying job.
But disciplinary matters -- not really a big deal. As I wrote the other day, they gave me a great amount of freedom because I rarely got in trouble and earned good grades. I didn't even have curfews as a teen, and I don't think I was ever grounded. I think as a young kid I was occasionally sent to my room as a punishment, sometimes spanked before they gave that up, sometimes physically but painlessly held down until I became quiet. If we behaved well during church they'd take us out to eat afterward, but if we didn't behave we'd go directly home. I remember my older sisters were a lot more troublesome than I was. I think they did get grounded sometimes, and the most dramatic punishment I recall -- one of them was kicked out of the car and made to walk home because she was being a jerk.
This online debate has definitely provoked my memories and my thoughts over the past couple days. Now I'm certain that I wouldn't want anything to do with a child-rearing subreddit, and I'll steer clear of any discussions of children on the poly subreddit for my own mental health, those poly parents are too damn vicious.
I spoke with T about how these rabidly anti-authority poly parents reminded me of anti-vaxxers, who often assert that only parents should have any control over which preventive medicines will be given to their children.
I'm glad my own parents weren't freaks about child discipline. I had a lot of criticisms of my parents when I was an adolescent and young adult, but their notions of child discipline were within the mainstream for their time. They abandoned spanking while I was a kid and switched to nonviolent punishments, for example.
My biggest criticisms of my parents were:
(1) By the time I was an adolescent their marriage was a sham, they only stayed together "for the children." I felt this was dishonest. I later learned that my mother had affairs with more than one of our parish priests, one of who was reassigned to a distant parish as punishment. If my father was unfaithful, I never learned of it.
(2) They both worked full time once my youngest sister was old enough for school, leaving us kids to sort of raise each other, what people called "latchkey kids" back then. I strongly felt that one of the parents should stay home with the kids, but obviously I wasn't in charge of my parents. After my older sisters moved out, I was often responsible for supervising my younger siblings, especially during summer break.
(3) They argued a lot about money and it seemed irrational to me how they decided what stuff they'd spend money on vs what stuff they wouldn't. As I neared college age I was extremely pissed off at them that they wouldn't contribute any money toward my college education. It was not possible for undergraduates to borrow money for college back then like they can now. I thought it was ridiculous that my father would buy me a car so I could get a minimum wage job, but wouldn't contribute to my college education so I could eventually get a better-paying job.
But disciplinary matters -- not really a big deal. As I wrote the other day, they gave me a great amount of freedom because I rarely got in trouble and earned good grades. I didn't even have curfews as a teen, and I don't think I was ever grounded. I think as a young kid I was occasionally sent to my room as a punishment, sometimes spanked before they gave that up, sometimes physically but painlessly held down until I became quiet. If we behaved well during church they'd take us out to eat afterward, but if we didn't behave we'd go directly home. I remember my older sisters were a lot more troublesome than I was. I think they did get grounded sometimes, and the most dramatic punishment I recall -- one of them was kicked out of the car and made to walk home because she was being a jerk.
This online debate has definitely provoked my memories and my thoughts over the past couple days. Now I'm certain that I wouldn't want anything to do with a child-rearing subreddit, and I'll steer clear of any discussions of children on the poly subreddit for my own mental health, those poly parents are too damn vicious.