fuck it, let's do the 30 minutes anyway ...
Now that K has left the condo, but the night is still young, how about I sit for 30 minutes after all. Let's use this new superpower of mine in the face of this complex grief. He's still in my life, but now he's physically distant. I'll be OK, but my life is changing -- and his is changing way more, for the better.
And, WTF, I should definitely meditate while wearing a butt plug again, that made it feel like forever last time. Not the same sort of trance/sleep outcome LOL. Unify my politics of self. Butt plug meditation.
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OK, it's best I saved the (butt plug) meditation for after seeing K, although that wasn't really any sort of plan. Or, was it?
And it was, truly, the most perfect meditation I've done in this series. I was focused on the breath all the way through, it was tight. It was necessary. No Frog Brain. No trance. No sleeping. This was tight.
I definitely feel like it was always will be NOW -- this Bug -- this Bug decided that past Bug should pick up Buddhism, should pick up Zen, should practice meditation, and all these years later -- after my father's death, after the Wild Week, after my relationship with T, and then the triad with K, and the breakupssssss, and my holding onto both/all of themssssss,
Tonight is why I started meditating before I even met these guys. I had to work up to it, so I'd be ready to meditate tonight.
Tonight is why I spent a year or so facing all my triggers.
I had to be ready for tonight. And I was.
Give me 30 minutes of meditation per day, and I'm OK.
And, WTF, I should definitely meditate while wearing a butt plug again, that made it feel like forever last time. Not the same sort of trance/sleep outcome LOL. Unify my politics of self. Butt plug meditation.
-----
OK, it's best I saved the (butt plug) meditation for after seeing K, although that wasn't really any sort of plan. Or, was it?
And it was, truly, the most perfect meditation I've done in this series. I was focused on the breath all the way through, it was tight. It was necessary. No Frog Brain. No trance. No sleeping. This was tight.
I definitely feel like it was always will be NOW -- this Bug -- this Bug decided that past Bug should pick up Buddhism, should pick up Zen, should practice meditation, and all these years later -- after my father's death, after the Wild Week, after my relationship with T, and then the triad with K, and the breakupssssss, and my holding onto both/all of themssssss,
Tonight is why I started meditating before I even met these guys. I had to work up to it, so I'd be ready to meditate tonight.
Tonight is why I spent a year or so facing all my triggers.
I had to be ready for tonight. And I was.
Give me 30 minutes of meditation per day, and I'm OK.