zen at 3am
Woke sweaty from my dreams, so I need a break from dreams, so I completed my daily meditation, so now I can post in my journal, LOL.
This is how it's going to stick, I think. If I have time to post in my journal, I have time to meditate first.
-----
While I was at the condo yesterday, T texted me to say he was feeling sick. I asked him what kind of sick, and as he relayed his symptoms I had no worries. He was just feeling stressed and lonely, but interpreting his ailment as physical sickness. I told him when I'd be home, that I'd cook dinner and then put him to bed early. And that's what I did, but first we had a heart-to-heart talk after dinner about the various stressors we're each feeling. Work stress, social isolation, anger at the state of the world, anger with specific people.
But I said to him, now is not the time to throw specific friends or partners under the bus for underperforming, because we're all underperforming, the entire human race is underperforming, we're all stuck in this Pandemic state of underperformance. Whether you personally think people are over-reacting to COVID-19, or under-reacting to COVID-19, we're all facing limitations in what we can do and how we can do it. Everybody is feeling frustrated with other people, with the situation, or with themselves.
-----
One of my frustrations is that I wanted an entire week off from work, and then to spend most of that week by myself at the condo. I picked a week two months ahead of time, worked it out with everybody ... Now that's not happening! Work demand levels are too high for me to take an entire week off right now, and with T feeling lonely I'm also concerned about leaving T alone for that long. Grrrrrr.
But I have other frustrations.
I'm frustrated that despite having a shrunken social life and no daily commute, that I nevertheless feel like I have less free time than before. I used to take more time off work for fun and relaxation, I used to get more Time to Self at the house, I didn't used to feel like T was so dependent upon me as practically his only social outlet. I have to do more chores, because we're all at the house all the time (me, T, and Dax) -- there's more dishes to do, more grocery shopping to do, more dog walks required, etc.
T admitted during our talk that he'd expected during Quarantine he'd have time to tackle all sorts of projects around the house, but instead he just doesn't feel like doing anything. He does recognize that I get tired of doing chores, he understands I need the break of going to the condo. He juggles needing a break from having me around all the time, and his own social isolation. His job has also become much more stressful as it is related to the government's public health response, during this public health crisis.
-----
We're not going back to normal for a while, so ... I'll just continue juggling frustrations and negotiating breaks at the condo where I can temporarily feel like I'm in Heaven.
This is how it's going to stick, I think. If I have time to post in my journal, I have time to meditate first.
-----
While I was at the condo yesterday, T texted me to say he was feeling sick. I asked him what kind of sick, and as he relayed his symptoms I had no worries. He was just feeling stressed and lonely, but interpreting his ailment as physical sickness. I told him when I'd be home, that I'd cook dinner and then put him to bed early. And that's what I did, but first we had a heart-to-heart talk after dinner about the various stressors we're each feeling. Work stress, social isolation, anger at the state of the world, anger with specific people.
But I said to him, now is not the time to throw specific friends or partners under the bus for underperforming, because we're all underperforming, the entire human race is underperforming, we're all stuck in this Pandemic state of underperformance. Whether you personally think people are over-reacting to COVID-19, or under-reacting to COVID-19, we're all facing limitations in what we can do and how we can do it. Everybody is feeling frustrated with other people, with the situation, or with themselves.
-----
One of my frustrations is that I wanted an entire week off from work, and then to spend most of that week by myself at the condo. I picked a week two months ahead of time, worked it out with everybody ... Now that's not happening! Work demand levels are too high for me to take an entire week off right now, and with T feeling lonely I'm also concerned about leaving T alone for that long. Grrrrrr.
But I have other frustrations.
I'm frustrated that despite having a shrunken social life and no daily commute, that I nevertheless feel like I have less free time than before. I used to take more time off work for fun and relaxation, I used to get more Time to Self at the house, I didn't used to feel like T was so dependent upon me as practically his only social outlet. I have to do more chores, because we're all at the house all the time (me, T, and Dax) -- there's more dishes to do, more grocery shopping to do, more dog walks required, etc.
T admitted during our talk that he'd expected during Quarantine he'd have time to tackle all sorts of projects around the house, but instead he just doesn't feel like doing anything. He does recognize that I get tired of doing chores, he understands I need the break of going to the condo. He juggles needing a break from having me around all the time, and his own social isolation. His job has also become much more stressful as it is related to the government's public health response, during this public health crisis.
-----
We're not going back to normal for a while, so ... I'll just continue juggling frustrations and negotiating breaks at the condo where I can temporarily feel like I'm in Heaven.