worst things
After bringing artists into his modest space, he likes to start with a simple question: “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”
On the one hand, I want to say that nothing that bad has ever happened to me. But I know it hasn't always felt that way.
As far as feelings go, breaking up with my first boyfriend, after a year away at college, felt pretty fucking bad for months. Breaking up with KWC also felt pretty fucking bad for months. And perhaps the worst thing that ever happened to me was when I ended up in a mental hospital after an extraordinary kind of spiritual and psychic breakdown. Also, losing each of my parents, and losing my mother's parents. Perhaps the greatest guilt I've ever felt was over cheating on KWC, which is probably why I resolved never to promise monogamy to anybody ever again, although I don't think it was a proximate cause of our breakup.
There's stuff that happened to other people who I cared about. The car accident that my younger sister and brother were in -- they survived, but their injuries were pretty bad. The friends of mine who became sick and died from AIDS.
And there's stuff in the world that didn't happen to me, but that upset me greatly. The US invasion of Iraq after 9/11 is probably #1. Trump winning is #2.
There was a tough period in my childhood when one of my older sisters had moved back into the house, with an illegitimate baby, and she was abusive toward that baby until she gave it up for adoption. I pretty much hid in my room for weeks or months. We'd also just moved to a new city and I didn't have any friends, I felt awkward and isolated at school and in the neighborhood, my body was starting to do the puberty thing. I had a really horrible case of hives that lasted for weeks and kept me out of school, I think I lost a lot of weight because eating hurt. In retrospect it was probably just horrible stress.
The triad breakup was difficult. That time when K and I broke up, but got back together a couple weeks later, felt like falling out of an airplane without a parachute, such a sickening feeling in my stomach that didn't go away until we started to repair things.
The worst period in my current job was when the now-retired Deputy Boss was ordering me to accuse my colleagues of unethical behavior when I disagreed with her. I was so angry about that. I don't think I ever forgave her. I'm glad she's gone now.
Worst periods in my relationship with Tod -- when he's upset with me he can say deeply cutting things. It's been great practice for me in abandoning my ego ... to learn how to withstand those words. I think nobody else has ever been able to cut my ego that deeply.
Worst period in my relationship with my parents -- when I finally let out my anger at my Mom for having an affair with our priest, and then I wrote a letter to my Dad about how I felt about that. My Mom came into my room and asked me whether I still loved her. I think I answered, "I don't know."
I was depressed a lot during high school, when I was experiencing strong emotional and sexual attractions to guys, but I hadn't come out yet and I wasn't acting on those attractions and I felt so lonely. Was probably the period in my life when I was closest to feeling suicidal, and I didn't even have anybody to talk with about how I felt.
On the one hand, I want to say that nothing that bad has ever happened to me. But I know it hasn't always felt that way.
As far as feelings go, breaking up with my first boyfriend, after a year away at college, felt pretty fucking bad for months. Breaking up with KWC also felt pretty fucking bad for months. And perhaps the worst thing that ever happened to me was when I ended up in a mental hospital after an extraordinary kind of spiritual and psychic breakdown. Also, losing each of my parents, and losing my mother's parents. Perhaps the greatest guilt I've ever felt was over cheating on KWC, which is probably why I resolved never to promise monogamy to anybody ever again, although I don't think it was a proximate cause of our breakup.
There's stuff that happened to other people who I cared about. The car accident that my younger sister and brother were in -- they survived, but their injuries were pretty bad. The friends of mine who became sick and died from AIDS.
And there's stuff in the world that didn't happen to me, but that upset me greatly. The US invasion of Iraq after 9/11 is probably #1. Trump winning is #2.
There was a tough period in my childhood when one of my older sisters had moved back into the house, with an illegitimate baby, and she was abusive toward that baby until she gave it up for adoption. I pretty much hid in my room for weeks or months. We'd also just moved to a new city and I didn't have any friends, I felt awkward and isolated at school and in the neighborhood, my body was starting to do the puberty thing. I had a really horrible case of hives that lasted for weeks and kept me out of school, I think I lost a lot of weight because eating hurt. In retrospect it was probably just horrible stress.
The triad breakup was difficult. That time when K and I broke up, but got back together a couple weeks later, felt like falling out of an airplane without a parachute, such a sickening feeling in my stomach that didn't go away until we started to repair things.
The worst period in my current job was when the now-retired Deputy Boss was ordering me to accuse my colleagues of unethical behavior when I disagreed with her. I was so angry about that. I don't think I ever forgave her. I'm glad she's gone now.
Worst periods in my relationship with Tod -- when he's upset with me he can say deeply cutting things. It's been great practice for me in abandoning my ego ... to learn how to withstand those words. I think nobody else has ever been able to cut my ego that deeply.
Worst period in my relationship with my parents -- when I finally let out my anger at my Mom for having an affair with our priest, and then I wrote a letter to my Dad about how I felt about that. My Mom came into my room and asked me whether I still loved her. I think I answered, "I don't know."
I was depressed a lot during high school, when I was experiencing strong emotional and sexual attractions to guys, but I hadn't come out yet and I wasn't acting on those attractions and I felt so lonely. Was probably the period in my life when I was closest to feeling suicidal, and I didn't even have anybody to talk with about how I felt.