SV Fic: "Still Two Fools" 2/9 (NC-17) - Clark/Lex, Mercy
Title: "Still Two Fools" 2/9 
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark/Lex, Mercy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,034, for this chapter
Spoilers/Warnings: Future fic, although some vague spoilers for S6.
Summary: Clark and Mercy team up to save Lex from his real arch-nemesis: marriage.
Still Two Fools
by Kantayra
Chapter Two
“Vivian DeLisle is a murderous, deceitful, gold-digging harpy.”
Clark frowned and tapped his foot impatiently as the elevator rose steadily, the floors flashing by as white, illuminated numbers on the buttons of the control panel. “How do you know that?”
“She’s marrying Lex.”
Mercy had a point. On the other hand, Clark had been hoping that she had something more concrete to go on. Ties to the Yakuza or a black widow tattoo at the small of her back or Devil horns, for instance. It was hard to defeat Lex’s evil wives if one didn’t know what particular brand of evil they were. Clark was having bad flashbacks to Wife #4 with the acidic tentacles at the moment. What had her name been again? Deidre? Or was that wife #5?
“How on earth did she get him to propose?” Clark was a reporter. He could get the necessary information out of Mercy if it killed him. Which, most likely, it would; he still wasn’t sure what had become of that Kryptonite laser.
She snorted. “They’ve known each other for a whole of three days.”
“Ah,” Clark nodded knowingly, “mind control. Or maybe hypnosis.”
Mercy nodded in agreement. “It clearly doesn’t work on me, though.”
“Maybe it only works on men. Wife #1 was like that.”
Mercy shuddered. “I know. She came back last year. It took three teams of scientists, all our genetically engineered cucumbers, and a pack of Tamarian attack hounds to defeat her.”
Clark nodded sympathetically. He had fond memories of Desiree. She had been so much better than the evil cyborg wife. Which had she been again? 5? 6? 7? “You’d think Lex would’ve just given up on women by now,” Clark chuckled to himself.
Mercy gave him a very odd look, like he was the most clueless person she’d ever met.
“What?” Clark asked, puzzled.
She just shook her head and muttered under her breath, as the elevator came to a halt on the 62nd floor. The lights went out and then a white scanning light shone through the glass wall to their left, covering the elevator’s interior from ceiling to floor. Lex, Clark had decided quite a while ago, was just a little bit paranoid.
“WARNING,” a mechanical voice intoned when the light landed on Clark, “KRYPTONIAN LIFEFORM DETECTED.”
Mercy matter-of-factly entered a command code into the elevator’s computer console.
Clark yawned and checked his watch. He still hadn’t gotten any sleep, and he thought wistfully of his sodden couch.
“ERROR!” The computer’s voice turned ominous. “INVALID OVERRIDE CODE!”
Mercy froze, wide-eyed, as the scanner’s light turned a deep, sickly green. “He must’ve locked out my command codes…” she breathed in disbelief and then, from the waistband at the small of her back, emerged the Evil Kryptonite Laser Clark had nightmares about. “Fly!”
Mercy’s first shot cut through the glass wall before them like a hot knife through butter and caused the scanner to explode in an array of sparks and explosions. Clark let out a yelp and fell to the ground as glass shattered all around them. After all, he wasn’t in his costume, which meant he was supposed to pretend that-
“Oh, please!” Mercy sneered at him in distaste.
“I’m not-!” Clark began, just as four robotic arms descended from the shaft above them, all pointing green lasers directly at them. He took one look at the lasers, the broken glass, and the psychotic glee in Mercy’s eye…
A millisecond later, he had one arm wrapped around the waist of a squirming and slightly disoriented bodyguard and the other stretched out in front of him as the circled LexCorp Towers, a shattered elevator car in their wake.
“-Superman,” he finished a little glumly as they rose ever higher through the clear Metropolis skies.
Mercy snorted and glared at him, Evil Kryptonite Laser still in hand.
“I’m not!” Clark insisted, which probably wasn’t a smart idea because said Evil Kryptonite Laser could be turned on him at any minute. Mercy was just crazy enough that she might rather plummet to her death than tolerate his half-baked lies.
But Mercy, who could be surprisingly Zen at times, proceeded to ignore him. “This is faster than the elevator, anyway,” she concluded matter-of-factly.
Clark breathed a sigh of relief. He was in Clark Kent guise, flying through the sky, but she still hadn’t proven that he was Superman. And, yeah, he was grasping at straws so far away now that Plastic Man would have trouble.
Fortunately, evil robots were there to save the day. Clark had long ago discovered that no situation was so grave that it couldn’t be interrupted by evil robots. Evil robots pretty much trumped any other crisis known to mankind. Clark could’ve kissed Lex for letting loose the evil robots just then, except thinking about kissing Lex for some reason always seemed to distract him the matter at hand which, in this case, was the all-important matter of the evil robots.
Mercy saw the first evil robot to their right and swore. Said evil robot looked like a small, human-sized helicopter with two Terminator-style mechanical arms emerging from its sides. The arms contained (of course) more Evil Kryptonite Lasers. The Evil Kryptonite Lasers were definitely a theme in all of LexCorp’s secret projects of late.
Mercy pulled out her own Evil Kryptonite Laser and shot the evil robot right in the propeller. The thing fell and, Clark noted with relief, landed atop the Freemont Building in a fiery explosion: no causalities then, and Lex fucking owned the Freemont Building so it was Lex’s own damn fault that his own damn bodyguard had shot down his own damn evil robot onto his own damn building. Clark had to worry about these things nowadays. Lex’s lawyers had finally gotten the state courts to declare Superman a legal entity within the United States judicial system and thus capable of being sued.
“Drones!” Mercy shouted out in alarm, her voice whipping about with a weird Doppler Effect given their speed and the wind.
“How many?” Clark shouted back.
“At the Towers? Only 26. 185, total.”
“Fuck!” Clark didn’t bother to ask where the other 159 evil robots were; they were undoubtedly deployed at Lex’s various evil labs throughout Metropolis and beyond. Odds were, however, that Lex wouldn’t call in reinforcements until it was clear that his home batch of evil robots had failed. It was just standard supervillain protocol. Besides, worrying about the remaining 25 evil robots was more than enough: one thing at a time.
A green laser shot by Clark’s left ear, missing him by mere inches, and for a moment they froze in mid-air, then fell for several harrowing seconds, before Clark’s powers returned to full and he led them back around the south side of LexCorp Towers again.
“Hey!” Mercy protested, like it was his fault that Kryptonite could kill him or something. Two more robots appeared in front of them, and Clark took them out with his heat vision, while Mercy fired behind them three times in quick succession.
It was Mercy, so of course all of those shots must have hit. That meant 20 evil robots were left.
Another laser shot at them from below and skimmed Clark’s leading arm. His cheap, wrinkled suit disintegrated on impact, exposing the blue alien-synthetic of Superman’s costume beneath. The glancing hit caused them to tumble through mid-air, and with Clark’s last bit of strength, he managed to steer them in the direction of the Galdina Plaza Hotel and turn so that he was on the bottom, shielding Mercy from the impact when they crash landed.
It was quite a bumpy, risky, and death-defying landing, in which the remainder of Clark Kent’s suit was destroyed, leaving him officially in Superman Costume for the rest of the night. Which was just as well, given that he was flying around Metropolis anyway.
However, it completely ruined the drama of their staggering crash landing that, the instant they’d come to a halt atop the Galdina, Mercy leapt up off of him like their flight had been no more harrowing than your average Metropolis cab ride, Evil Kryptonite Laser in hand, and returned to joyfully murdering the drones that were still attacking them.
Clark lay in the groove he’d generated in the cement of the Galdina’s roof, looked up at the stars above, and contemplated dying a little. Had he mentioned lately that he hated Evil Kryptonite Lasers?
However, it kind of defeated the purpose of him being the superhero and Mercy being the evil supervillain lackey if Mercy destroyed all the evil robots on her own. Even if her boss was the one controlling said evil robots.
With a groan, Clark rose to see that Mercy had pulled a second semi-automatic from somewhere or other, and this one glowed with a strange black light - and, no, Clark wasn’t sure how it was possible for something to glow black, but this gun did - before Mercy fired it high into the sky between three of the robots. A shimmering black distortion appeared in the night sky before all three robots were sucked inside, and the distortion closed up like a portal.
It looked like…
Oh, dear god! Lex had found a way to open rifts in the Phantom Zone to the point where he’d created a gun that could actually do the job with nothing but a pull of the trigger! Clearly, Lex was a madman and needed to be stopped at all costs!
Of course, that was nothing new, so it didn’t faze Clark in the slightest. Lex getting married again? Now that was scary.
“How many are left?” Clark yelled to Mercy, taking to the air again and feeling perfectly chipper now that the Evil Kryptonite Laser’s effects had worn off.
“Twelve,” she shouted back, squaring her shoulders as the next pair of drones approached.
“I’ll draw them off!” Clark really didn’t see any reason he needed to, given that Mercy looked perfectly happy to kill each and every one of the things with her usual bloodthirsty efficiency, but it was just the principle of the thing. After all, he was Superman, and she wasn’t. So there.
Clark figured it was a pretty safe bet that the things would chase after him. Because he had to face it: all of Lex’s evil robots were programmed to chase after him. Under normal circumstances, Mercy would’ve been on the safe list. So as soon as Clark took to the air once more and did a big, fancy loop-d-loop over the Galdina, the dozen remaining robots took off after him like killer cyborgs on a mission.
He led them all straight up, ducking and dodging as fast as he could to avoid their Evil Kryptonite Lasers. It was actually a good plan because the problem with evil robots was that they just weren’t very smart. They didn’t know, for example, that their propeller motors actually needed oxygen to run and that, as soon as they were high enough in the atmosphere, the little motors would putter right out, causing the evil killer robots to crash to their doom. In Clark’s softer moments, he almost pitied them. And he really pitied whatever they’d crashed into down below…
Of course, since he’d flown straight up, they’d all crashed right onto the roof of the Galdina Plaza. Mercy, who had somehow avoided all the falling scrap metal from above, looked supremely annoyed at him when he finally returned. There was an artfully placed smear of machine oil on one cheek and a slight tear on the left shoulder of her LexCorp t-shirt. Other than that, she still looked immaculate. Clark had no clue how she pulled that off. Possibly, it was her secret superpower.
Clark picked her up for the quick flight back to LexCorp Towers before Lex could call in the reinforcement robots from his evil labs. “You know,” he informed Mercy, “just because I can fly, have heat vision, am vulnerable to Kryptonite, and wear the Superman costume under my clothes, doesn’t prove I’m Superman.”
“When this is over,” she informed him primly, “I’m going to kill you. A lot.”
He probably deserved that.
Next Chapter: Oh, yes, Lex is just as cracktarded as everyone else in this verse. :P
Chapter Three
All Chapters
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark/Lex, Mercy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,034, for this chapter
Spoilers/Warnings: Future fic, although some vague spoilers for S6.
Summary: Clark and Mercy team up to save Lex from his real arch-nemesis: marriage.
Still Two Fools
by Kantayra
Chapter Two
“Vivian DeLisle is a murderous, deceitful, gold-digging harpy.”
Clark frowned and tapped his foot impatiently as the elevator rose steadily, the floors flashing by as white, illuminated numbers on the buttons of the control panel. “How do you know that?”
“She’s marrying Lex.”
Mercy had a point. On the other hand, Clark had been hoping that she had something more concrete to go on. Ties to the Yakuza or a black widow tattoo at the small of her back or Devil horns, for instance. It was hard to defeat Lex’s evil wives if one didn’t know what particular brand of evil they were. Clark was having bad flashbacks to Wife #4 with the acidic tentacles at the moment. What had her name been again? Deidre? Or was that wife #5?
“How on earth did she get him to propose?” Clark was a reporter. He could get the necessary information out of Mercy if it killed him. Which, most likely, it would; he still wasn’t sure what had become of that Kryptonite laser.
She snorted. “They’ve known each other for a whole of three days.”
“Ah,” Clark nodded knowingly, “mind control. Or maybe hypnosis.”
Mercy nodded in agreement. “It clearly doesn’t work on me, though.”
“Maybe it only works on men. Wife #1 was like that.”
Mercy shuddered. “I know. She came back last year. It took three teams of scientists, all our genetically engineered cucumbers, and a pack of Tamarian attack hounds to defeat her.”
Clark nodded sympathetically. He had fond memories of Desiree. She had been so much better than the evil cyborg wife. Which had she been again? 5? 6? 7? “You’d think Lex would’ve just given up on women by now,” Clark chuckled to himself.
Mercy gave him a very odd look, like he was the most clueless person she’d ever met.
“What?” Clark asked, puzzled.
She just shook her head and muttered under her breath, as the elevator came to a halt on the 62nd floor. The lights went out and then a white scanning light shone through the glass wall to their left, covering the elevator’s interior from ceiling to floor. Lex, Clark had decided quite a while ago, was just a little bit paranoid.
“WARNING,” a mechanical voice intoned when the light landed on Clark, “KRYPTONIAN LIFEFORM DETECTED.”
Mercy matter-of-factly entered a command code into the elevator’s computer console.
Clark yawned and checked his watch. He still hadn’t gotten any sleep, and he thought wistfully of his sodden couch.
“ERROR!” The computer’s voice turned ominous. “INVALID OVERRIDE CODE!”
Mercy froze, wide-eyed, as the scanner’s light turned a deep, sickly green. “He must’ve locked out my command codes…” she breathed in disbelief and then, from the waistband at the small of her back, emerged the Evil Kryptonite Laser Clark had nightmares about. “Fly!”
Mercy’s first shot cut through the glass wall before them like a hot knife through butter and caused the scanner to explode in an array of sparks and explosions. Clark let out a yelp and fell to the ground as glass shattered all around them. After all, he wasn’t in his costume, which meant he was supposed to pretend that-
“Oh, please!” Mercy sneered at him in distaste.
“I’m not-!” Clark began, just as four robotic arms descended from the shaft above them, all pointing green lasers directly at them. He took one look at the lasers, the broken glass, and the psychotic glee in Mercy’s eye…
A millisecond later, he had one arm wrapped around the waist of a squirming and slightly disoriented bodyguard and the other stretched out in front of him as the circled LexCorp Towers, a shattered elevator car in their wake.
“-Superman,” he finished a little glumly as they rose ever higher through the clear Metropolis skies.
Mercy snorted and glared at him, Evil Kryptonite Laser still in hand.
“I’m not!” Clark insisted, which probably wasn’t a smart idea because said Evil Kryptonite Laser could be turned on him at any minute. Mercy was just crazy enough that she might rather plummet to her death than tolerate his half-baked lies.
But Mercy, who could be surprisingly Zen at times, proceeded to ignore him. “This is faster than the elevator, anyway,” she concluded matter-of-factly.
Clark breathed a sigh of relief. He was in Clark Kent guise, flying through the sky, but she still hadn’t proven that he was Superman. And, yeah, he was grasping at straws so far away now that Plastic Man would have trouble.
Fortunately, evil robots were there to save the day. Clark had long ago discovered that no situation was so grave that it couldn’t be interrupted by evil robots. Evil robots pretty much trumped any other crisis known to mankind. Clark could’ve kissed Lex for letting loose the evil robots just then, except thinking about kissing Lex for some reason always seemed to distract him the matter at hand which, in this case, was the all-important matter of the evil robots.
Mercy saw the first evil robot to their right and swore. Said evil robot looked like a small, human-sized helicopter with two Terminator-style mechanical arms emerging from its sides. The arms contained (of course) more Evil Kryptonite Lasers. The Evil Kryptonite Lasers were definitely a theme in all of LexCorp’s secret projects of late.
Mercy pulled out her own Evil Kryptonite Laser and shot the evil robot right in the propeller. The thing fell and, Clark noted with relief, landed atop the Freemont Building in a fiery explosion: no causalities then, and Lex fucking owned the Freemont Building so it was Lex’s own damn fault that his own damn bodyguard had shot down his own damn evil robot onto his own damn building. Clark had to worry about these things nowadays. Lex’s lawyers had finally gotten the state courts to declare Superman a legal entity within the United States judicial system and thus capable of being sued.
“Drones!” Mercy shouted out in alarm, her voice whipping about with a weird Doppler Effect given their speed and the wind.
“How many?” Clark shouted back.
“At the Towers? Only 26. 185, total.”
“Fuck!” Clark didn’t bother to ask where the other 159 evil robots were; they were undoubtedly deployed at Lex’s various evil labs throughout Metropolis and beyond. Odds were, however, that Lex wouldn’t call in reinforcements until it was clear that his home batch of evil robots had failed. It was just standard supervillain protocol. Besides, worrying about the remaining 25 evil robots was more than enough: one thing at a time.
A green laser shot by Clark’s left ear, missing him by mere inches, and for a moment they froze in mid-air, then fell for several harrowing seconds, before Clark’s powers returned to full and he led them back around the south side of LexCorp Towers again.
“Hey!” Mercy protested, like it was his fault that Kryptonite could kill him or something. Two more robots appeared in front of them, and Clark took them out with his heat vision, while Mercy fired behind them three times in quick succession.
It was Mercy, so of course all of those shots must have hit. That meant 20 evil robots were left.
Another laser shot at them from below and skimmed Clark’s leading arm. His cheap, wrinkled suit disintegrated on impact, exposing the blue alien-synthetic of Superman’s costume beneath. The glancing hit caused them to tumble through mid-air, and with Clark’s last bit of strength, he managed to steer them in the direction of the Galdina Plaza Hotel and turn so that he was on the bottom, shielding Mercy from the impact when they crash landed.
It was quite a bumpy, risky, and death-defying landing, in which the remainder of Clark Kent’s suit was destroyed, leaving him officially in Superman Costume for the rest of the night. Which was just as well, given that he was flying around Metropolis anyway.
However, it completely ruined the drama of their staggering crash landing that, the instant they’d come to a halt atop the Galdina, Mercy leapt up off of him like their flight had been no more harrowing than your average Metropolis cab ride, Evil Kryptonite Laser in hand, and returned to joyfully murdering the drones that were still attacking them.
Clark lay in the groove he’d generated in the cement of the Galdina’s roof, looked up at the stars above, and contemplated dying a little. Had he mentioned lately that he hated Evil Kryptonite Lasers?
However, it kind of defeated the purpose of him being the superhero and Mercy being the evil supervillain lackey if Mercy destroyed all the evil robots on her own. Even if her boss was the one controlling said evil robots.
With a groan, Clark rose to see that Mercy had pulled a second semi-automatic from somewhere or other, and this one glowed with a strange black light - and, no, Clark wasn’t sure how it was possible for something to glow black, but this gun did - before Mercy fired it high into the sky between three of the robots. A shimmering black distortion appeared in the night sky before all three robots were sucked inside, and the distortion closed up like a portal.
It looked like…
Oh, dear god! Lex had found a way to open rifts in the Phantom Zone to the point where he’d created a gun that could actually do the job with nothing but a pull of the trigger! Clearly, Lex was a madman and needed to be stopped at all costs!
Of course, that was nothing new, so it didn’t faze Clark in the slightest. Lex getting married again? Now that was scary.
“How many are left?” Clark yelled to Mercy, taking to the air again and feeling perfectly chipper now that the Evil Kryptonite Laser’s effects had worn off.
“Twelve,” she shouted back, squaring her shoulders as the next pair of drones approached.
“I’ll draw them off!” Clark really didn’t see any reason he needed to, given that Mercy looked perfectly happy to kill each and every one of the things with her usual bloodthirsty efficiency, but it was just the principle of the thing. After all, he was Superman, and she wasn’t. So there.
Clark figured it was a pretty safe bet that the things would chase after him. Because he had to face it: all of Lex’s evil robots were programmed to chase after him. Under normal circumstances, Mercy would’ve been on the safe list. So as soon as Clark took to the air once more and did a big, fancy loop-d-loop over the Galdina, the dozen remaining robots took off after him like killer cyborgs on a mission.
He led them all straight up, ducking and dodging as fast as he could to avoid their Evil Kryptonite Lasers. It was actually a good plan because the problem with evil robots was that they just weren’t very smart. They didn’t know, for example, that their propeller motors actually needed oxygen to run and that, as soon as they were high enough in the atmosphere, the little motors would putter right out, causing the evil killer robots to crash to their doom. In Clark’s softer moments, he almost pitied them. And he really pitied whatever they’d crashed into down below…
Of course, since he’d flown straight up, they’d all crashed right onto the roof of the Galdina Plaza. Mercy, who had somehow avoided all the falling scrap metal from above, looked supremely annoyed at him when he finally returned. There was an artfully placed smear of machine oil on one cheek and a slight tear on the left shoulder of her LexCorp t-shirt. Other than that, she still looked immaculate. Clark had no clue how she pulled that off. Possibly, it was her secret superpower.
Clark picked her up for the quick flight back to LexCorp Towers before Lex could call in the reinforcement robots from his evil labs. “You know,” he informed Mercy, “just because I can fly, have heat vision, am vulnerable to Kryptonite, and wear the Superman costume under my clothes, doesn’t prove I’m Superman.”
“When this is over,” she informed him primly, “I’m going to kill you. A lot.”
He probably deserved that.
Next Chapter: Oh, yes, Lex is just as cracktarded as everyone else in this verse. :P
Chapter Three
All Chapters