my heart hurts

[kansmu]

these past few days have been rough for me. it all of a sudden hit me that i can't afford to go to smu anymore. i will be so far in debt. i must get scholarships or i must transfer. i don't know what will happen but all i know is i don't want to go. i love smu. i love my friends so much. i can't imagine leaving them. i don't even want to think about it. i've been crying all day, even when i was at work. i feel almost like i'm giving in or selling out or something. i'm trying. but by this time next year i don't know what i will be doing. i hate that feeling. all i know is i won't stop going to school, i'll find a way to go somewhere, somehow, smu or elsewhere. so if anyone has some extra money laying around or if you know of any great scholarships for art majors with ok grades let me know!

on a happier note: today was my last day of work, kinda, they asked me to work on monday. why can i not say no to them even after i quit? i have issues.