today
today should be an interesting day i suppose. had a heart to heart with some of the boys last night and it was really nice. im so grateful of all the people and friends i have met and made this year. i think sometimes its important to have a swift kick in the ass to remind you of who you are and how you ought to be. YOURSELF. i've been feeling out of my element these last couple weeks and im glad to be back. i need to stop acting like a fool, seriously. its getting annoying to me. i wish and i try so hard to be one of those girls who just doesn't give a fuck. but i do. i always will. at some point you have to realize you are destined for whatever it is you are destined for. let things happen as they happen and do not expect nor be disappointed in things that really did not exist in the first place. i dont know what the deal with kyle is. hes so cool and fun and we get along so well. i know i should not expect anything and i needed that reassurance last night. and i received it. thanks phil :) i need to remember to be the cool fun girl and be cool and have fun! i guess sometimes you meet someone and you find a little something extra there and you become so sure that you want to get to know them, because maybe just maybe there is something there. if that makes any sense. i felt that way with matt i guess. there was just something about him i did not want to lose or let go of. i guess for a while it really mattered and i learned how people can be so amazing and everything you want in a guy. and i also learned how they can turn on you like a page in a book. i guess all in all its nice to kind of have someone around after being alone for 9 months. the company is good so im going to take it for what it is. i am not a complete idiot when it comes to relationships and i most definitely don't want to hold anyone back when its their time to shine :) i must say its really nice to be able to relate to someone on a level that you haven't had in a long time. i guess timing is never perfect. all in all it will be an interesting road and i guess from here only good things can happen. whether it becomes something or sits idolly until it goes back to how it was. either way ill be alright :) silly boys. and girls. we are all in these awkward growing up stage where its time to decide how to live our own successful lives. i officially became and adult last week and i couldn't feel younger! i feel like i have so much ahead of me and i really just wish i could know who and what lies in my future. it would make it a little easier to understand why things happen, why we meet people we do, and who we should spend our time on. all too often we are blind sided by our own instabilities and insecurities to realize when we've met people worth fighting for. enjoy every moment you have with the people you love and care about because you never know when the moment is over. hopefully it will never end, but we can't kid ourselves of this either. im tired of people living in the past because this is the future (so excuse my matt paragraph, it was more for reference than anything). love yourself because then others will be more inclined to love you <3