I actually finished Desert Grey!
Finally! Done! No more revamping! I have completely written it all down. After years of writing and rewriting and reworking and just...I'm done.
It's a good feeling. Anyway, I'm going to post it all in sequence. If anyone wants to rake through some of it and inform me if there's anything that needs to be tweaked or tuned or phrased differently then I would appreciate it very much. I'm going to be spending time doing reference drawings for myself before I get started on making the comic.
Desert Grey 1
Merriam Hayden
SETTING: The Sage Household, Sector Two, Nambula
Janet stomps out of the house and slams the door behind her
Marie opens the door and shouts after her “Janet Gabriel Sage! Do you think your father would be proud of you?! Happy with you?!”
Janet gets in Marie’s face “No! Because that man was never happy with anything and neither were you! But Dad isn’t here to take care of you! I am! Whether you like it or not I’m not going to abandon you like my brother did.”
Marie looks taken aback
Janet sighs. “Mom, go take your medicine and eat something. I need to go to work.”
Marie slams the door shut and sits by a radio, she turns it on
RADIO: “Tonight begins the first night of meetings between the International Council and Head of State Eric Vedichello. This will mark the first time the United Zanbari Desert City State has been in contact with the IC in over three hundred years since the State was formed.”
Angie sneaks down the stairs and tip toes past Marie as she gets up to change the radio station he quietly rustles in the kitchen for food
MEANWHILE JANET GET’S ON A SUBWAY, has her eyeball scanned and some blood drawn to prove her identity, AND GOES TO Prison Train yard, Outer Wall, Nambula
Janet punches the clock and watches Kwame push a large crate, a male guard slaps Kwame on the ass as he passes, Kwame responds by punching him, Janet rushes over
Male Guard: “What the hell was that for?!”
Kwame: “You know why I hit you! I’m not here to be spanked, I’m here to work!”
Janet: “And if she’d been working on a piece of equipment you could’ve knocked her into it and hurt her!”
Male Guard: “So what? She’s just a Dark bitch-ACK!”
Antigone is revealed to have just smacked the Male Guard on the ass with his cane “It’s not so fun to have your butt whacked when you’re not expecting it, is it?”
Male Guard “Commander! I-“
Antigone raises his hand “Don’t bother with it! I heard the whole thing. As your Commander I try to make sure I debrief all my Guards personally, but perhaps I missed you someone. In case you haven’t been informed I have a policy I expect everyone to stick to: The only folk here who need the fear of God in ‘em are the prisoners getting shipped out. Do you understand?”
Male Guard “I…yes sir.”
“I’m putting you on Wall Duty tonight. Now git!” Antigone points his cane.
Male Guard glares back as he stalks off
Antigone smiles at Kwame “You alright missy?”
Kwame smiles back “I’ll be okay, Commander Skye. I have a big strong Guard to protect me!” She grabs Janet’s arm and swoons
Janet blushes “I was just doing my job.”
Antigone “And you do it well, Janet. Now get to your post. No sense wastin’ moonlight.”
Janet salutes “Yes sir!” She marches off.
Kwame looks ominously at the crate
MEANWHILE AT Danny’s house, Third Sector, Nambula
Danny stirs in bed, sits up and yawns, he reaches for Torrid who isn’t there, Danny walks out to the living room to see Torrid sleeping while awkwardly hanging off the sofa, Danny leans down to kiss Torrid on the nose before going to the kitchen, Torrid scrunches up his face, mutters “Stoppit Danny” and goes back to sleep
MEANWHILE BACK WITH JANET IN THE SAME LOCATION
Janet smokes a cigarette against the wall
Kwame walks up to her “Stressful night?”
Janet smiles shyly “I don’t want to talk about it. Are you okay?”
Kwame smiles and leans against the wall next to her “Don’t worry about it. I’ve had worse things happen to me.”
“Kwame, that’s still awful! I hate when people I care about are hurt.”
“I’m not hurt though. I’m fine.”
“I mean any kind of hurt. Like being sick or unhappy.”
“Like your mother? Is she still sick?”
“She was actually doing better for a while. The Doctor gave her a new medicine and it seemed to be working. She started to change her clothes and eat again; I even managed to get her out of the house a few weeks ago! But lately she seems to be reverting back to the way she was before. Hell, I’d even go as far to say she’s gotten worse. I don’t understand it.”
As Janet speaks images of her mother getting better and eventually flushing her medicine down the toilet while Janet isn’t home are displayed
Antigone pokes Janet “Can you spare a smoke for your favorite uncle?”
Janet smiles down at him “You’re not even my uncle, Antigone.” She gives him a cigarette anyway
Antigone lights it “I trained your father and I trained you, we’re as good as blood.” Antigone takes a long drag from his cigarette “How is Angie doing? The boy was looking mighty thin the last time I saw him.”
“Mom doesn’t cook anymore so I don’t think he eats unless I’m there. He’s afraid of her too. I don’t know what she does to him other than ignore him though. Also, we got him registered for school this year. I don’t think Danny has been taking him to school like he said he would though.”
Again as Janet speaks it cuts back to the Sage residence where Angie accidently drops a glass and alerts Marie who grabs him by his hair and screams at him, Angie pushes her away and runs back upstairs to his room, Marie beats on his door and continues to scream while Angie messes with a hand-me-down record player
“I’m sure your brother has a reason-“ Antigone starts
“Yeah, it probably cuts into his drugs and sex and whatever the hell else he does all day!” Janet gets super pissed and then just sighs
Antigone sighs too. “I’d invite Angie to live with me if there hadn’t been that crackdown when Ms. Vedichello went missing.”
“How are the other kids like Saline and Star by the way?”
“I’ve been trying to protect the kids from the Guard patrols, but I can’t be there all the time. Some of them have packed up and moved down to Shimbu. Some of the Desert Dwellers living there are gone too, but they left their homes in the night.”
Images show Kwame, Elijah, and Antigone helping Desert Dweller and biracial families escape from Guards that raid the houses
“I hope that everyone is okay. Some of those kids were Angie’s only friends.” Janet puts out her cigarette against the wall and drops it in the sand “I should return to my post. I’ve taken too long a break.”
Kwame grabs her arm as Janet walks off “Actually Janet, hopefully on a happier note, I’m off work now. And I was wondering if you’d like to spend some time in the Train Station with me. We could eat at this little diner.”
Janet laughs and blushes “That sounds…absolutely wonderful, but I work until dawn.”
Antigone waves “Bah, you can have the rest of the night off if you’d like. All work and no play-“
“If I didn’t work as much as I do I would have to put Mom in an asylum and where would Angie go?”
“Taking off one night isn’t going to turn you into your brother. Besides you have a dangerous occupation. If something happened to you I’d take care of your mother and brother.”
“Antigone, you’ve already helped us after Dad got shot. Plus you have your own medical problems. I am perfectly capable of providing for Mom and Angie.”
“But Janet, what about you?” Kwame uses Puppy Eyes on Janet, It’s not very effective
“I’m going back to my post. I’m sorry.” Janet begins to walk off. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kwame!”
“But…” Kwame starts speaking in [Gaan] “[There won’t be a tomorrow for this place.]”
Antigone sighs. “[I was hoping you could convince her to leave.]”
“[What if we knocked her out and dragged her to the Tent City?!]”
“[It’d be too obvious. We might compromise the entire mission. I’m sorry. I wanted to save her from this as much as much as you did.]”
Kwame has a sad, but leaves
THE MOON IS LOW ON THE HORIZON, Janet yawns as she watches trains leave the station
SUDDENLY THE CRATES KWAME (and others) HAD BEEN MOVING EXPLODE, EVERYTHING IS IN FLAMES, PEOPLE ARE RUNNING, EXPLODING ROBOTS, Janet is getting chased by one when she notices Antigone
“COMMANDER SKYE!” Janet runs toward him and picks him up “Hang in there! I’ll get to a hospital!” She tries to head for the main gate, but FIRE STOPS HER
She sees some prisoners who’ve escaped run toward the Tent City, SHE FOLLOWS THEM, and ROBOTS FOLLOW HER
Janet runs through the colorful Tent City as the robot continues to follow her
MEANWHILE, SECRET HOUSE LEADING TO THE TENT CITY, THIRD SECTOR
Danny is about to enter the Tent City when he see’s people scrambling to get out of Janet’s way, “Sis?!”
“Danny?!” Janet runs toward him, Danny notices the robot
“Shit!” Danny rips the State Symbol off Janet’s uniform and throws it the opposite direction “EVERYONE RUN!”
“What the hell, Danny?!” Janet is dragged by Danny through the house as the robot explodes; the windows in the house are blown out as Danny and Janet jump out the door
Janet lays Antigone down as people look on curiously
“Uncle Tig? Oh, Jesa God!” Danny is freaking out
“Danny! Be useful for once and call an ambulance!”
Antigone coughs “No! No, I’m not meant to live on after this.”
“Commander?” Janet turns to him
“Janet, you don’t have to be so formal. I’m a traitor to the State anyway.”
“What are you talking about?” Janet grips his hand
“I wanted to protect you from it, but I guess I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t protect your father or anyone’s father really. It’s okay though. I’ve lived a long and happy life. And I was happy to have you and both your brothers in it. Danny, go to Faizah. Help her in any way you can. Janet, I’m sorry.”
“Antigone?”
Antigone dies
Janet cries, Danny cries, TEARS EVERYWHERE
END PART ONE
It's a good feeling. Anyway, I'm going to post it all in sequence. If anyone wants to rake through some of it and inform me if there's anything that needs to be tweaked or tuned or phrased differently then I would appreciate it very much. I'm going to be spending time doing reference drawings for myself before I get started on making the comic.
Desert Grey 1
Merriam Hayden
SETTING: The Sage Household, Sector Two, Nambula
Janet stomps out of the house and slams the door behind her
Marie opens the door and shouts after her “Janet Gabriel Sage! Do you think your father would be proud of you?! Happy with you?!”
Janet gets in Marie’s face “No! Because that man was never happy with anything and neither were you! But Dad isn’t here to take care of you! I am! Whether you like it or not I’m not going to abandon you like my brother did.”
Marie looks taken aback
Janet sighs. “Mom, go take your medicine and eat something. I need to go to work.”
Marie slams the door shut and sits by a radio, she turns it on
RADIO: “Tonight begins the first night of meetings between the International Council and Head of State Eric Vedichello. This will mark the first time the United Zanbari Desert City State has been in contact with the IC in over three hundred years since the State was formed.”
Angie sneaks down the stairs and tip toes past Marie as she gets up to change the radio station he quietly rustles in the kitchen for food
MEANWHILE JANET GET’S ON A SUBWAY, has her eyeball scanned and some blood drawn to prove her identity, AND GOES TO Prison Train yard, Outer Wall, Nambula
Janet punches the clock and watches Kwame push a large crate, a male guard slaps Kwame on the ass as he passes, Kwame responds by punching him, Janet rushes over
Male Guard: “What the hell was that for?!”
Kwame: “You know why I hit you! I’m not here to be spanked, I’m here to work!”
Janet: “And if she’d been working on a piece of equipment you could’ve knocked her into it and hurt her!”
Male Guard: “So what? She’s just a Dark bitch-ACK!”
Antigone is revealed to have just smacked the Male Guard on the ass with his cane “It’s not so fun to have your butt whacked when you’re not expecting it, is it?”
Male Guard “Commander! I-“
Antigone raises his hand “Don’t bother with it! I heard the whole thing. As your Commander I try to make sure I debrief all my Guards personally, but perhaps I missed you someone. In case you haven’t been informed I have a policy I expect everyone to stick to: The only folk here who need the fear of God in ‘em are the prisoners getting shipped out. Do you understand?”
Male Guard “I…yes sir.”
“I’m putting you on Wall Duty tonight. Now git!” Antigone points his cane.
Male Guard glares back as he stalks off
Antigone smiles at Kwame “You alright missy?”
Kwame smiles back “I’ll be okay, Commander Skye. I have a big strong Guard to protect me!” She grabs Janet’s arm and swoons
Janet blushes “I was just doing my job.”
Antigone “And you do it well, Janet. Now get to your post. No sense wastin’ moonlight.”
Janet salutes “Yes sir!” She marches off.
Kwame looks ominously at the crate
MEANWHILE AT Danny’s house, Third Sector, Nambula
Danny stirs in bed, sits up and yawns, he reaches for Torrid who isn’t there, Danny walks out to the living room to see Torrid sleeping while awkwardly hanging off the sofa, Danny leans down to kiss Torrid on the nose before going to the kitchen, Torrid scrunches up his face, mutters “Stoppit Danny” and goes back to sleep
MEANWHILE BACK WITH JANET IN THE SAME LOCATION
Janet smokes a cigarette against the wall
Kwame walks up to her “Stressful night?”
Janet smiles shyly “I don’t want to talk about it. Are you okay?”
Kwame smiles and leans against the wall next to her “Don’t worry about it. I’ve had worse things happen to me.”
“Kwame, that’s still awful! I hate when people I care about are hurt.”
“I’m not hurt though. I’m fine.”
“I mean any kind of hurt. Like being sick or unhappy.”
“Like your mother? Is she still sick?”
“She was actually doing better for a while. The Doctor gave her a new medicine and it seemed to be working. She started to change her clothes and eat again; I even managed to get her out of the house a few weeks ago! But lately she seems to be reverting back to the way she was before. Hell, I’d even go as far to say she’s gotten worse. I don’t understand it.”
As Janet speaks images of her mother getting better and eventually flushing her medicine down the toilet while Janet isn’t home are displayed
Antigone pokes Janet “Can you spare a smoke for your favorite uncle?”
Janet smiles down at him “You’re not even my uncle, Antigone.” She gives him a cigarette anyway
Antigone lights it “I trained your father and I trained you, we’re as good as blood.” Antigone takes a long drag from his cigarette “How is Angie doing? The boy was looking mighty thin the last time I saw him.”
“Mom doesn’t cook anymore so I don’t think he eats unless I’m there. He’s afraid of her too. I don’t know what she does to him other than ignore him though. Also, we got him registered for school this year. I don’t think Danny has been taking him to school like he said he would though.”
Again as Janet speaks it cuts back to the Sage residence where Angie accidently drops a glass and alerts Marie who grabs him by his hair and screams at him, Angie pushes her away and runs back upstairs to his room, Marie beats on his door and continues to scream while Angie messes with a hand-me-down record player
“I’m sure your brother has a reason-“ Antigone starts
“Yeah, it probably cuts into his drugs and sex and whatever the hell else he does all day!” Janet gets super pissed and then just sighs
Antigone sighs too. “I’d invite Angie to live with me if there hadn’t been that crackdown when Ms. Vedichello went missing.”
“How are the other kids like Saline and Star by the way?”
“I’ve been trying to protect the kids from the Guard patrols, but I can’t be there all the time. Some of them have packed up and moved down to Shimbu. Some of the Desert Dwellers living there are gone too, but they left their homes in the night.”
Images show Kwame, Elijah, and Antigone helping Desert Dweller and biracial families escape from Guards that raid the houses
“I hope that everyone is okay. Some of those kids were Angie’s only friends.” Janet puts out her cigarette against the wall and drops it in the sand “I should return to my post. I’ve taken too long a break.”
Kwame grabs her arm as Janet walks off “Actually Janet, hopefully on a happier note, I’m off work now. And I was wondering if you’d like to spend some time in the Train Station with me. We could eat at this little diner.”
Janet laughs and blushes “That sounds…absolutely wonderful, but I work until dawn.”
Antigone waves “Bah, you can have the rest of the night off if you’d like. All work and no play-“
“If I didn’t work as much as I do I would have to put Mom in an asylum and where would Angie go?”
“Taking off one night isn’t going to turn you into your brother. Besides you have a dangerous occupation. If something happened to you I’d take care of your mother and brother.”
“Antigone, you’ve already helped us after Dad got shot. Plus you have your own medical problems. I am perfectly capable of providing for Mom and Angie.”
“But Janet, what about you?” Kwame uses Puppy Eyes on Janet, It’s not very effective
“I’m going back to my post. I’m sorry.” Janet begins to walk off. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kwame!”
“But…” Kwame starts speaking in [Gaan] “[There won’t be a tomorrow for this place.]”
Antigone sighs. “[I was hoping you could convince her to leave.]”
“[What if we knocked her out and dragged her to the Tent City?!]”
“[It’d be too obvious. We might compromise the entire mission. I’m sorry. I wanted to save her from this as much as much as you did.]”
Kwame has a sad, but leaves
THE MOON IS LOW ON THE HORIZON, Janet yawns as she watches trains leave the station
SUDDENLY THE CRATES KWAME (and others) HAD BEEN MOVING EXPLODE, EVERYTHING IS IN FLAMES, PEOPLE ARE RUNNING, EXPLODING ROBOTS, Janet is getting chased by one when she notices Antigone
“COMMANDER SKYE!” Janet runs toward him and picks him up “Hang in there! I’ll get to a hospital!” She tries to head for the main gate, but FIRE STOPS HER
She sees some prisoners who’ve escaped run toward the Tent City, SHE FOLLOWS THEM, and ROBOTS FOLLOW HER
Janet runs through the colorful Tent City as the robot continues to follow her
MEANWHILE, SECRET HOUSE LEADING TO THE TENT CITY, THIRD SECTOR
Danny is about to enter the Tent City when he see’s people scrambling to get out of Janet’s way, “Sis?!”
“Danny?!” Janet runs toward him, Danny notices the robot
“Shit!” Danny rips the State Symbol off Janet’s uniform and throws it the opposite direction “EVERYONE RUN!”
“What the hell, Danny?!” Janet is dragged by Danny through the house as the robot explodes; the windows in the house are blown out as Danny and Janet jump out the door
Janet lays Antigone down as people look on curiously
“Uncle Tig? Oh, Jesa God!” Danny is freaking out
“Danny! Be useful for once and call an ambulance!”
Antigone coughs “No! No, I’m not meant to live on after this.”
“Commander?” Janet turns to him
“Janet, you don’t have to be so formal. I’m a traitor to the State anyway.”
“What are you talking about?” Janet grips his hand
“I wanted to protect you from it, but I guess I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t protect your father or anyone’s father really. It’s okay though. I’ve lived a long and happy life. And I was happy to have you and both your brothers in it. Danny, go to Faizah. Help her in any way you can. Janet, I’m sorry.”
“Antigone?”
Antigone dies
Janet cries, Danny cries, TEARS EVERYWHERE
END PART ONE