Long time no talk folks!
Wow.. where do I begin in my futile attempts to make sense of what is going on my head and then try to convey those very thoughts into this journal. Can you believe I have had this thing since i was, 17 maybe? Wow.. 5 years!
anyhow
What can I say.. LOng island has definetly been good. Alot of personal growth and adjustment. I haven't accomplised everything I have set out to do here, yet I have accomplished so much. I workstudy at the radio station, I have my own show, with possibilities of having another show, I have done an immense amount of networking and making alot of friends here, and yet I always seem to find something to work on, gripe about, or give myself grief over. Of course I am as happy as ever ( here we go again, insert ranting about self introspection.... HERE!!.. lol), however i feel like there is still something lacking or there is something that i have not accomplished to make this transition alot more enjoyable and worthwhile. Perhaps I don't do enough? maybe I do too much? Maybe i need to make more time to do things I love? maybe i am just at a loss for the proper words to say. Never the less, I am happy, But I am still looking for that one thing, that one very thing, to make things seem perfect. Then again, isn't that the one thing that drive me to live? To keep striving for something that really can't be accomplished, yet it is a worthwhile endeavor to take part in? so many fucking questions and for the first time, I don't have the answers as quickly as i used to.
hmm? I think , in this case that may not be a bad thing, or as bad as i tend to make things be. Everyone knows how overly emotional i can be. if you don't, you will... DUH DUH DUH!!!
There are also days, when I am here, how I wish i were in love or i was able to bond with someone, beyond the platonic level. Sometimes, even on a sexual level. I miss that sort of intimate interaction. Yet it takes special people to even get me to want to step into that realm. I am no one special, but I am not easily ammused or pleased in that real of things, but if you have my attention, then you can make me happy easily. When it is platonic, that in itself makes me happy. But when you grab my attention beyon that, whatever circumstance, that is when you literally have me!!! LIKE A CATFISH ON A HOOK! anyhow, pointless rambling.
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!! LAUGH MOTHER FUCKERs!! even hardcore/metal kids want to be loved!!!
I am at a crossroads in my life, and I won't be taking a definitive path, on some things, for right now, i guess i need to learn that sometimes not everything needs to be answered asap
I don't really miss home right now either. I am glad i am away. I miss certain people. With that said, me and one of my closest friends, have had a falling out temporarily, and because of the constant grief it is causing me, i told that we have to stop talking for a while. At this point, I don't have time to deal with a person's irrational behavior, as they test my patience and generosity. Intentional or not, i refuse to deal with that right now.
wow.. this is turning into a point by point presentation of my thoughts.... NEXT SLIDE PLEASE!!!
I will be getting into a habit of writing in this thing more often....
anyhow folks
bottom line is
I want love,bondage, good food, time alone,laughter,good people, cheescake, my metal, my hardcore, my music and I love my straight edge. For those who still ask me about this, I am just so glad i found a way to express my abstinence from alot of things (drugs, alchohol, permiscouity and any so called acts that are considered to be "unhealthy behavior" as far as edge is concerned. I have been edge for a little over 2 years now. I never had ny problems with any of that stuff,i never did much anyway. but putting a label on these things, can be a good thing sometimes. It isn't me being overly pretentious or arrogant about it. I am just proud to be edge... simple, being here, makes me embrace that ideaology so much. It is a jungle here folks, for me anyway. I don't judge, so don't worry, i wont come to your house playing youth of today or minor threat and kicking your ass because you are drinking. I am not militant, let me say that once and for all.
RANDOM INDEED
peace out mother fuckers.
for those i deleted of my friends list, I did that because alot of us don't talk much as is. We are all busy, i understand, but also, i have tried with some of you to keep in touch. Just doesn't work. Also alot of you I have no desire to be in touch with you . You just bring so much immaturity and ignorance. so to those that may apply to. FUCK OFF!!! cliche i know, I am sorry
for everything else
there is mastercard
I love you my friends, especially my special 6
even you amanda, get your head on right....
for those who have been kind to me since i have been in LOng island, I thank you so much, it means alot to me. I am blessed to have made some good friends, maybe lifelong friends.
peace fools.
for those whom I haven't talk to in a while
please, don't be strangers.
joe
anyhow
What can I say.. LOng island has definetly been good. Alot of personal growth and adjustment. I haven't accomplised everything I have set out to do here, yet I have accomplished so much. I workstudy at the radio station, I have my own show, with possibilities of having another show, I have done an immense amount of networking and making alot of friends here, and yet I always seem to find something to work on, gripe about, or give myself grief over. Of course I am as happy as ever ( here we go again, insert ranting about self introspection.... HERE!!.. lol), however i feel like there is still something lacking or there is something that i have not accomplished to make this transition alot more enjoyable and worthwhile. Perhaps I don't do enough? maybe I do too much? Maybe i need to make more time to do things I love? maybe i am just at a loss for the proper words to say. Never the less, I am happy, But I am still looking for that one thing, that one very thing, to make things seem perfect. Then again, isn't that the one thing that drive me to live? To keep striving for something that really can't be accomplished, yet it is a worthwhile endeavor to take part in? so many fucking questions and for the first time, I don't have the answers as quickly as i used to.
hmm? I think , in this case that may not be a bad thing, or as bad as i tend to make things be. Everyone knows how overly emotional i can be. if you don't, you will... DUH DUH DUH!!!
There are also days, when I am here, how I wish i were in love or i was able to bond with someone, beyond the platonic level. Sometimes, even on a sexual level. I miss that sort of intimate interaction. Yet it takes special people to even get me to want to step into that realm. I am no one special, but I am not easily ammused or pleased in that real of things, but if you have my attention, then you can make me happy easily. When it is platonic, that in itself makes me happy. But when you grab my attention beyon that, whatever circumstance, that is when you literally have me!!! LIKE A CATFISH ON A HOOK! anyhow, pointless rambling.
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!! LAUGH MOTHER FUCKERs!! even hardcore/metal kids want to be loved!!!
I am at a crossroads in my life, and I won't be taking a definitive path, on some things, for right now, i guess i need to learn that sometimes not everything needs to be answered asap
I don't really miss home right now either. I am glad i am away. I miss certain people. With that said, me and one of my closest friends, have had a falling out temporarily, and because of the constant grief it is causing me, i told that we have to stop talking for a while. At this point, I don't have time to deal with a person's irrational behavior, as they test my patience and generosity. Intentional or not, i refuse to deal with that right now.
wow.. this is turning into a point by point presentation of my thoughts.... NEXT SLIDE PLEASE!!!
I will be getting into a habit of writing in this thing more often....
anyhow folks
bottom line is
I want love,bondage, good food, time alone,laughter,good people, cheescake, my metal, my hardcore, my music and I love my straight edge. For those who still ask me about this, I am just so glad i found a way to express my abstinence from alot of things (drugs, alchohol, permiscouity and any so called acts that are considered to be "unhealthy behavior" as far as edge is concerned. I have been edge for a little over 2 years now. I never had ny problems with any of that stuff,i never did much anyway. but putting a label on these things, can be a good thing sometimes. It isn't me being overly pretentious or arrogant about it. I am just proud to be edge... simple, being here, makes me embrace that ideaology so much. It is a jungle here folks, for me anyway. I don't judge, so don't worry, i wont come to your house playing youth of today or minor threat and kicking your ass because you are drinking. I am not militant, let me say that once and for all.
RANDOM INDEED
peace out mother fuckers.
for those i deleted of my friends list, I did that because alot of us don't talk much as is. We are all busy, i understand, but also, i have tried with some of you to keep in touch. Just doesn't work. Also alot of you I have no desire to be in touch with you . You just bring so much immaturity and ignorance. so to those that may apply to. FUCK OFF!!! cliche i know, I am sorry
for everything else
there is mastercard
I love you my friends, especially my special 6
even you amanda, get your head on right....
for those who have been kind to me since i have been in LOng island, I thank you so much, it means alot to me. I am blessed to have made some good friends, maybe lifelong friends.
peace fools.
for those whom I haven't talk to in a while
please, don't be strangers.
joe