pre-halloween rambling
I never did anything I was supposed to be doing. Everyday, I wake up, after ten hours of sleep, and realize that half the day is done. I rush to household chores, wash dishes I never even remember using, fix the living room where pillows are strewn around from my lazing around the previous day, put four remote controls back into the small basket on the coffee table, one for the stereo, two for the TV and one for the DVD player. All are utilized in the space of one day, by the way. Only after straightening up the living do I fix my bedroom, attempt to, anyway. Tama Janowitz's Slaves of New York, the only book I read and re-read this sembreak, goes under my pillow. After, I lug my laptop to the living room, plug the modem from the phone in the living room to it, and go online. I look at websites such as bglam.com and punkystyle.com and nogoodforme.com, check John Mayer's blog, search wikipedia for random stuff like information on Tony Leung and Faye Wong and Fight Club. Then I watch DVDs, or when I'm not in the mood, I watch something supposedly educational but totally random for me like Discovery or National Geographic, and think for the nth time what would be happening to me now if I chose a different course, perhaps a BS or something practical like accountancy. Then I eat lunch, do the necessary chores thereafter, and go back to watching TV or surfing the net. Lunchtime TV isn't really good, so I pick up Slaves of New York, try to accept that I will never ever write that way, and when I get too depressed attempting to do so, I watch another round of senseless TV until it's time for Deal or No Deal and wish I were Kris Aquino, finish with a liberal arts degree then earn millions telling the best and most controversial stories on TV--stories about my personal life--without breaking a sweat and always wearing stupid gowns and doing various hand gestures and say one liners that aren't even mine but which are popular because of me. I watch Maging Sino Ka Man, hate it and like it at the same time, can't wait for it next week again. Then I complain why there is no Crazy for You on Fridays. I keep the things that I'm supposed to be doing but aren't away from me, but I decided to keep them close today by my side, to no avail.
sidenote:
I'm serious thinking the following possibilities:
1. I was tutoring my little sister for her periodical test, and she said that I was like a teacher. I don't know if I should take her seriously because she was previously complaining about what I was telling her to do. And then this got me into thinking that, hmm, maybe I should really be a teacher. Not a professor, but a teacher. So I told my sister jokingly, that I would apply as a fourth grade teacher next year, the same year when she'll be in fourth grade. This apparently made her day. Actually, I think this is where jokes being half-meant come in. Two years ago, shortly after leaving LFS, I made the decision that I would be a teacher. I don't know why, having been immersed in the CW program and becoming delusioned by it, I slowly began to abandon this idea.
2. I want to get out of the country. I don't care where. I'm tired of my world being so small and having people around me that remind me of what I was, am, could be, would be, couldn't be and wouldn't be. I want to feel lost, alone, helpless, incapable, in their highest levels possible--pretty much like how you treat phobia--because surely I don't have infinite energy for these feelings to increase. I want to reach my anticlimax.
And that, my friend, is how you cap what has been a worthless, senseless sembreak.
sidenote:
I'm serious thinking the following possibilities:
1. I was tutoring my little sister for her periodical test, and she said that I was like a teacher. I don't know if I should take her seriously because she was previously complaining about what I was telling her to do. And then this got me into thinking that, hmm, maybe I should really be a teacher. Not a professor, but a teacher. So I told my sister jokingly, that I would apply as a fourth grade teacher next year, the same year when she'll be in fourth grade. This apparently made her day. Actually, I think this is where jokes being half-meant come in. Two years ago, shortly after leaving LFS, I made the decision that I would be a teacher. I don't know why, having been immersed in the CW program and becoming delusioned by it, I slowly began to abandon this idea.
2. I want to get out of the country. I don't care where. I'm tired of my world being so small and having people around me that remind me of what I was, am, could be, would be, couldn't be and wouldn't be. I want to feel lost, alone, helpless, incapable, in their highest levels possible--pretty much like how you treat phobia--because surely I don't have infinite energy for these feelings to increase. I want to reach my anticlimax.
And that, my friend, is how you cap what has been a worthless, senseless sembreak.