[log | week 1 day 5] now die, for the debt you have accrued
Who: Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi
Status: Active and Closed
Style: Paragraph
Where: Hisato - Kakashi's place
When: Week 1, Day 5, evening/night
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Burnsauce
His skin feels numb and clammy and not quite his own. This is the feeling that comes from prolonged bathing under icy waterfalls. Frigid water and the harsh drumbeat against your back, until it feels like your skin is disconnected from your bones, like your body is disconnected from yourself. The feeling comes from other things as well. From waking up the day after collapsing from chakra exhaustion. From taking anesthesia from a surgeon you are fairly sure wants you dead (everyone here wants you dead - and everyone back there, as well) and then coming back and thinking things like, did he rearrange my organs? If he did, would I ever know? From days and days and days not sleeping, and telling yourself - I did sleep after all. I am dreaming this right now. From opening your eyes and realizing that you are in the shower and have been for who knows how long, long enough for the hot water to be long gone at least, long enough for your fingers to be pruned and unfeeling, for your legs to ache, but you don't really know where all the time went, just that you have been standing here and yet you have not been here at all, you have been in a place that is unspeakable, unknowable, unintelligible.
This is a feeling that Sasuke is familiar with. I feel nothing, I know nothing, I am nothing. Sasuke gets so tired of being awake all the goddamn time, when he can't do anything even when he is. And sometimes this life (existence, anyway) is broken up with brief shocks of living - one minute he will he thinking to himself, these hands are not my hands these feet are not my feet these eyes are another man's, I am not Uchiha Sasuke, I am a fraud without a body and without a name, a cuckoo in the hawk's nest, and the next minute it's like he grabbed a live wire and he is so fucking awake and so very much there. He is Uchiha Fucking Sasuke, and he is angry. He has a name and a body and hands and he wants to wrap them around someone's throat.
Sometimes anger will jolt him back to life. And he endures mostly because he is waiting for that. And it feels fucking good. It really does feel good, to go out and destroy something, to be solid and real and strong enough to turn something else to rubble, to let the world know he's alive. Anger is a sick, nauseous feeling, like a stone in his gut, and he can't get enough of it. The way when he is angry every piece of dust brushing against every end of every hair on his body is an unbearable irritant, but he can feel things, real things, and he wants more. The way when he breathes it's like he's breathing in clean cold air and it is cleaning everything out and he's breathing out pure smoke and it's turning everything else black. He is alive because not living would be never again experiencing, briefly, that absolute invincibility.
But when it is over, after he has burned everything, burned himself, burned the world down, burned out - he finds that he is still there, still awake. A blackened wick to a used candle.
This is where he is now.
He is heading to Kakashi's house, because he thinks at this point he would like very much to be angry again. And he is pretty sure (totally sure, completely positive, no doubt) that seeing Kakashi will make him angry. Objectively (Sasuke is just dealing with hard data here), it is a fact that Kakashi is an asshole. He never fails to piss Sasuke off, somehow. And it seems to Sasuke that recent events (that foreign bastard bastard bastard what the fuck does he have to do with anything, who the hell is he to you) have further reinforced Kakashi's asshole status, and it is furthermore undeniable (demonstrably true, really) that Kakashi's behavior wants to make Sasuke rip something (someone) into little wet chunks. So Sasuke is heading to Kakashi's house, because seeing Kakashi right now is, he is pretty sure, the shock he needs. The thing about anger is that like all fire, it needs constant fuel. He used up that network post on - well - and now he needs something new. Kakashi's face should make fine fodder to set off the spark. And everything will burn again and Sasuke will feel alive.
Status: Active and Closed
Style: Paragraph
Where: Hisato - Kakashi's place
When: Week 1, Day 5, evening/night
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Burnsauce
His skin feels numb and clammy and not quite his own. This is the feeling that comes from prolonged bathing under icy waterfalls. Frigid water and the harsh drumbeat against your back, until it feels like your skin is disconnected from your bones, like your body is disconnected from yourself. The feeling comes from other things as well. From waking up the day after collapsing from chakra exhaustion. From taking anesthesia from a surgeon you are fairly sure wants you dead (everyone here wants you dead - and everyone back there, as well) and then coming back and thinking things like, did he rearrange my organs? If he did, would I ever know? From days and days and days not sleeping, and telling yourself - I did sleep after all. I am dreaming this right now. From opening your eyes and realizing that you are in the shower and have been for who knows how long, long enough for the hot water to be long gone at least, long enough for your fingers to be pruned and unfeeling, for your legs to ache, but you don't really know where all the time went, just that you have been standing here and yet you have not been here at all, you have been in a place that is unspeakable, unknowable, unintelligible.
This is a feeling that Sasuke is familiar with. I feel nothing, I know nothing, I am nothing. Sasuke gets so tired of being awake all the goddamn time, when he can't do anything even when he is. And sometimes this life (existence, anyway) is broken up with brief shocks of living - one minute he will he thinking to himself, these hands are not my hands these feet are not my feet these eyes are another man's, I am not Uchiha Sasuke, I am a fraud without a body and without a name, a cuckoo in the hawk's nest, and the next minute it's like he grabbed a live wire and he is so fucking awake and so very much there. He is Uchiha Fucking Sasuke, and he is angry. He has a name and a body and hands and he wants to wrap them around someone's throat.
Sometimes anger will jolt him back to life. And he endures mostly because he is waiting for that. And it feels fucking good. It really does feel good, to go out and destroy something, to be solid and real and strong enough to turn something else to rubble, to let the world know he's alive. Anger is a sick, nauseous feeling, like a stone in his gut, and he can't get enough of it. The way when he is angry every piece of dust brushing against every end of every hair on his body is an unbearable irritant, but he can feel things, real things, and he wants more. The way when he breathes it's like he's breathing in clean cold air and it is cleaning everything out and he's breathing out pure smoke and it's turning everything else black. He is alive because not living would be never again experiencing, briefly, that absolute invincibility.
But when it is over, after he has burned everything, burned himself, burned the world down, burned out - he finds that he is still there, still awake. A blackened wick to a used candle.
This is where he is now.
He is heading to Kakashi's house, because he thinks at this point he would like very much to be angry again. And he is pretty sure (totally sure, completely positive, no doubt) that seeing Kakashi will make him angry. Objectively (Sasuke is just dealing with hard data here), it is a fact that Kakashi is an asshole. He never fails to piss Sasuke off, somehow. And it seems to Sasuke that recent events (that foreign bastard bastard bastard what the fuck does he have to do with anything, who the hell is he to you) have further reinforced Kakashi's asshole status, and it is furthermore undeniable (demonstrably true, really) that Kakashi's behavior wants to make Sasuke rip something (someone) into little wet chunks. So Sasuke is heading to Kakashi's house, because seeing Kakashi right now is, he is pretty sure, the shock he needs. The thing about anger is that like all fire, it needs constant fuel. He used up that network post on - well - and now he needs something new. Kakashi's face should make fine fodder to set off the spark. And everything will burn again and Sasuke will feel alive.