[ . . . The vision (dream; that boy stated that these broadcasts were dreams) has the feel of summer days, summer nights of hot sake and the ripe moon glowing on the sakura leaves. Once, a lifetime before, Itachi had seen young couples like this in Konoha. Sweet-looking, well-matched couples with ghosts of smiles touching the corners of their lips. Walking and talking together, as he had sat alone, reviewing the contents of his next mission.
Itachi had been betrothed, once. She had worn her hair long, tied up in elaborate shapes and fastened with purple ribbons; her eyes were the colour of cinnamon, and she smelled faintly of flour underneath her perfume. He was thirteen years old; his family had selected the match, had chosen for him, and had his life been different, had his life been different, could this ever have been him?
Sitting with another human being, sharing the love of another human being, finding understanding even in the absence of communication -- even without words. I could have done this, Itachi lies to himself,
( ... )
[He has grown used to people he does not know or care to associate with approaching him after these dream broadcasts that invade and twist and take apart everything he holds dear and shows the open pages he's had under lock and key for so long. This incident is nothing new. It's routine.
But lately, he has not felt like himself. Before he might have ignored this stranger, this man or boy or brat because that's all these people turn out to be and moved on. The topic of discussion has always been one that tore desperately at his walls and threatened to bring him to his knees in the past. Now he sees him, hears his words and does not think this man is a fool for bothering to respond when there are probably so many others who've seen it, who've experienced it and ignored it.
... a difficult negotiation.Yes. It really was. It was his family, it was the division, it was pride and worry and death and helplessness that kept anything from being happy, that separated him from her. To shuffle between his roles, to maintain his pride for the
( ... )
[ Need? Interesting phraseology; Itachi could question the choice of words, but he will not, because he thinks he may understand. Need: A warrior has no need for a personal life. This is the truth. It is a hindrance. He could have performed his mission, if not for Sasuke; if not for Sasuke, then what? Then nothing. Endless missions. Feeling nothing. A shinobi must be the master of his own emotions; to cleave to loved ones above the importance of duty: that is the ultimate folly, the ultimate weakness, and if it is so, then is Itachi not the worst of shinobi?
But he could know this, could believe as much, intellectually: could write it down on paper, as if it were fact, but he knows, he knows he would sacrifice everything, all of the world, if only to see Sasuke smile. He, who has given Sasuke nothing besides pain. He, who knows nothing besides how to hurt. He does not know the first thing about how to improve one's life, would not be one to offer advice or suggestions to anyone, and certainly not like a stranger like this man --
( ... )
[An apology. He offers an apology after he's already intruded.
Few, if any, had offered him one. It's this place, a place lacking manners, a place lacking protocol or even logic that after (weeks? months?) of being here, there is the occasional person who offers the manners he hasn't heard in so very long.
He had come to believe that humans were simply rude. He'd never spent a long period of time around them, really.
But a committed man? Renji would have told him that his duties didn't need to be taken so seriously. Ukitake might have told him that it's pleasant to take some time away from them, that this dream is more of a reminder of that and he should heed the advice that perhaps his mind is giving him.
He offers no such explanation, no words that would prove to only be an irritant. It's an explanation of understanding. Renji and Ukitake both knew duty, but neither one seemed to understand his duty or the reason for taking it so seriously.]
If I considered it a bother, I wouldn't have responded to you.
[ Experience? Itachi could admit, he supposed, that his sentiments were more based upon the ideals of a shinobi society (those which had been ground into his own mind from the day of birth) than they were based on his experiences -- because in a sense, he had betrayed these ideals, had he not? He had lived by them, felt true to them, but not where Sasuke was concerned. Never there. He might be wrong for that. Might be deemed a failure of a shinobi. Though if that were the case, he would accept these judgments as he had accepted much besides. ]
Yes.
[ Although he would rather not make this about himself. ]Though I did not think my situation unique
( ... )
[ . . . The vision (dream; that boy stated that these broadcasts were dreams) has the feel of summer days, summer nights of hot sake and the ripe moon glowing on the sakura leaves. Once, a lifetime before, Itachi had seen young couples like this in Konoha. Sweet-looking, well-matched couples with ghosts of smiles touching the corners of their lips. Walking and talking together, as he had sat alone, reviewing the contents of his next mission.
Itachi had been betrothed, once. She had worn her hair long, tied up in elaborate shapes and fastened with purple ribbons; her eyes were the colour of cinnamon, and she smelled faintly of flour underneath her perfume. He was thirteen years old; his family had selected the match, had chosen for him, and had his life been different, had his life been different, could this ever have been him?
Sitting with another human being, sharing the love of another human being, finding understanding even in the absence of communication -- even without words. I could have done this, Itachi lies to himself, ( ... )
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But lately, he has not felt like himself. Before he might have ignored this stranger, this man or boy or brat because that's all these people turn out to be and moved on. The topic of discussion has always been one that tore desperately at his walls and threatened to bring him to his knees in the past. Now he sees him, hears his words and does not think this man is a fool for bothering to respond when there are probably so many others who've seen it, who've experienced it and ignored it.
... a difficult negotiation.Yes. It really was. It was his family, it was the division, it was pride and worry and death and helplessness that kept anything from being happy, that separated him from her. To shuffle between his roles, to maintain his pride for the ( ... )
Reply
[ Need? Interesting phraseology; Itachi could question the choice of words, but he will not, because he thinks he may understand. Need: A warrior has no need for a personal life. This is the truth. It is a hindrance. He could have performed his mission, if not for Sasuke; if not for Sasuke, then what? Then nothing. Endless missions. Feeling nothing. A shinobi must be the master of his own emotions; to cleave to loved ones above the importance of duty: that is the ultimate folly, the ultimate weakness, and if it is so, then is Itachi not the worst of shinobi?
But he could know this, could believe as much, intellectually: could write it down on paper, as if it were fact, but he knows, he knows he would sacrifice everything, all of the world, if only to see Sasuke smile. He, who has given Sasuke nothing besides pain. He, who knows nothing besides how to hurt. He does not know the first thing about how to improve one's life, would not be one to offer advice or suggestions to anyone, and certainly not like a stranger like this man -- ( ... )
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Few, if any, had offered him one. It's this place, a place lacking manners, a place lacking protocol or even logic that after (weeks? months?) of being here, there is the occasional person who offers the manners he hasn't heard in so very long.
He had come to believe that humans were simply rude. He'd never spent a long period of time around them, really.
But a committed man? Renji would have told him that his duties didn't need to be taken so seriously. Ukitake might have told him that it's pleasant to take some time away from them, that this dream is more of a reminder of that and he should heed the advice that perhaps his mind is giving him.
He offers no such explanation, no words that would prove to only be an irritant. It's an explanation of understanding. Renji and Ukitake both knew duty, but neither one seemed to understand his duty or the reason for taking it so seriously.]
If I considered it a bother, I wouldn't have responded to you.
[He is proud, far too ( ... )
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[ Experience? Itachi could admit, he supposed, that his sentiments were more based upon the ideals of a shinobi society (those which had been ground into his own mind from the day of birth) than they were based on his experiences -- because in a sense, he had betrayed these ideals, had he not? He had lived by them, felt true to them, but not where Sasuke was concerned. Never there. He might be wrong for that. Might be deemed a failure of a shinobi. Though if that were the case, he would accept these judgments as he had accepted much besides. ]
Yes.
[ Although he would rather not make this about himself. ]Though I did not think my situation unique ( ... )
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