[This building, the feeling of it, Harry had felt this all before. He knew it well. The orphanage he'd grown up in had felt the same. Simply a mix of fear, hopelessness, and the realization that you weren't worth anything at all. If that wasn't bad enough, there was a tense feeling in the air. The calm before the storm.]
I know why, too. [He spins his cigarette around between his fingers. It's not like M--Matt still calls Mello 'M', as if he were the only one granted the initial--has talked about anything but Kira for months.]
[Matt doesn't know the histories of most of the other Wammy's residents. Hasn't asked, because he doesn't want to tell his own. It's both too personal and too boring; fourteen places in eleven years, never even knew my mom, perpetual new kid, fake kid, foster: he knows damn well it's nothing to what some of the others here went through, but that doesn't make it feel any better to him.]
Maybe not. I dunno. [He shrugs, takes a long drag.] Dunno if I'm ready for it to end yet.
[Matt wanted--needed, even--to have a place where he could stand still. Just for a little while, just long enough to feel that maybe everything ever won't always get yanked out from under him.
But if you stay long enough in a place like that, it can become a crutch. He knows that.]
The world out there, though, [continuing his own thought, and answering, both.] It's not the way it's supposed to be.
Hell, everyone has their own damn opinion on how the world is supposed to be.
[There were quite a few people that Harry never wanted to get a chance to make the world as they thought it was supposed to be like. In his opinion though, the world isn't all that bad. Screwed up in places, but manageable.]
Then why does change bother you so much? I know the saying it can't get worse is a load of bull, but if you're not willing to try and make it better... [He shrugs.]
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Hell's bells... this can't be good.
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[He's always been here, right? Fits right in.]
I know why, too. [He spins his cigarette around between his fingers. It's not like M--Matt still calls Mello 'M', as if he were the only one granted the initial--has talked about anything but Kira for months.]
What we have here, it's gonna end.
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That may not be such a bad thing.
[Somewhere like this... they deserve more.]
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Maybe not. I dunno. [He shrugs, takes a long drag.] Dunno if I'm ready for it to end yet.
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[He leans back against the tree and stares out at the sky for a moment before continuing again.]
Doesn't mean it's not scary.
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But if you stay long enough in a place like that, it can become a crutch. He knows that.]
The world out there, though, [continuing his own thought, and answering, both.] It's not the way it's supposed to be.
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[There were quite a few people that Harry never wanted to get a chance to make the world as they thought it was supposed to be like. In his opinion though, the world isn't all that bad. Screwed up in places, but manageable.]
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[All Matt wants is to keep his head down, off the radar.]
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It's gonna have to be Mello.
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[Yeah, says the guy who doesn't like getting other people involved in his fights since they can get hurt. He knows the value of allies though.]
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