[Private Video] :Pnec_metuApril 12 2011, 18:21:10 UTC
[It's strange, seeing herself so young and from another person's perspective. Lenalee smiles, letting herself believe for a moment that it is actually going to be a good dream, before the scene changes
( ... )
[Private Video] \o\infiniillusionApril 15 2011, 12:37:12 UTC
[The familiar voice snaps Kanda out of the strange state he's in, though he remains still for a while before finally turning and picking the device up, bringing it closer to his face and pondering for a moment before hitting the button to answer.]
[It's a little strange, really. Lenalee is completely a part of this life, and it's by no means fake. In fact, sometimes he feels like she's closer to him than anyone else - but he doesn't want to tell her about all of the illusions, just because... She'd worry too much, wouldn't she? And he doesn't want that, even though... Maybe it's not the case anymore. After all, she just saw all this. Wouldn't it be worrying, too? Not to mention that she deserves to know something, so probably... he should tell her more. Just not right now.]
Yes. [He sounds strangely calm, almost relaxed, although a bit silent, especially when he adds, barely audibly,] Thank you.[It just feels like a decent response, even though he knows Lenalee doesn't think grattitude is needed. She always treated him like a person
( ... )
[Private Video]nec_metuApril 15 2011, 14:16:34 UTC
[It's strange to see Kanda so calm now, after something like that. Stranger still to hear what she decides was definitely a quiet 'thank you.' While Lenalee is glad that he seems okay, it is eerie to see him so affected.]
You don't have to say that. It's the truth.
[Something that shouldn't need saying, but maybe it is good to voice it aloud sometimes.]
I don't understand everything, but none if it could change that.
[Private Video]infiniillusionApril 15 2011, 16:35:26 UTC
[Kanda snorts softly, his expression maybe resembling a faint smile for a very brief moment, but maybe it's just an illusion. It's good to hear that, really, it is, but he's voiced that already and he's not the kind of a person who would talk about things like that this much. So he just nods instead.]
Yeah.
[He's quite grateful she's not asking questions, at least yet, because honestly? He's not sure himself, either. But it's reassuring.]
[Except that he doesn't really know what to say, and his mind keeps wandering elsewhere.]
[Private Video]nec_metuApril 15 2011, 17:05:04 UTC
[Lenalee wouldn't know where to begin to start asking questions. But she has had enough nightmares here to know when to put things off and simply settle on reassurance. She only wishes that it was so simple to know what to say. It has always been Kanda comforting her-- this is new, and with the way he is acting it's hard to know if she is really getting through.]
[Lenalee smiles, as brightly as she can.]
Good. I wouldn't have anyone to keep me strong without you here.
[No matter what the circumstance or how weak Lenalee felt, Kanda always had a way of building her back up again. Sometimes without saying a word; his presence alone could renew her determination.]
[But a pattern has started emerging. Must all of the men in her life forget who they are?]
[Private Video] A-aww, Lenalee ;~; WHY MUST ALL YOUR MEN HAVE IDENTITY ISSUESinfiniillusionApril 20 2011, 21:20:03 UTC
Tch.
[Kanda almost looks a little amused for a moment; his scowl is definitely one of the lighter kind, without a doubt fond, before it fades into his usual expression as his gaze turns to look straight at the screen, seriously.]
[He's not even sure how to respond to this, but his face remains lighter-than-usual as he gazes sideways for a moment. He knows how much they all mean to her, really. But he also knows how much she can bear if need be. No need to say he'd do anything so that she wouldn't have to, but that doesn't change the fact.]
[Odd that they should be talking about this, when it is Kanda's insecurity that prompted her to contact him. She isn't quite sure how the conversation turned to him encouraging her, but it is a somehow natural trail of conversation. Lenalee raises a hand to cover a giggle, wondering if Kanda deflected the attention off of himself on purpose of if things simply played out this way.]
It's pretty late, isn't it? I don't want to make you lose too much sleep. But I hope you know that... [You're Kanda, you're like a brother, she loves you dearly, you are always so solid and seeing you so unsure of what you are is painful.]
[He blinks a little, his eyes widening for a brief moment. It sounds so simple when she says it like that. And maybe it's true? Isn't everyone defined by their environment and the people closed to them? Name isn't quite as important; Lavi's a living example of this. It's just... a little difficult. That's all.]
[But it's already easier to accept than he originally thought. Whatever parts there are to it, he's him. And that's it.]
[So his expression easens into what scarily almost resembles a faint smile and nods, his gaze still somewhat distant but now more peaceful, not saying anything, but the silent 'thanks' is hanging in the air clearly enough for someone who knows him as well as Lenalee does.]
[Words aren't needed; Lenalee understands everything. Or at least, she understands enough. Her expression softens and she nods slightly in return. It feels good, to still be this connected after everything that has happened here. As if things like this can never change.]
[He nods a little, expression remaing just a bit more at ease than before. It's a good thing to have someone like Lenalee care about you, even if he sometimes wishes she didn't as he doesn't think he's good enough for that despite of having the best opinion about himself where just about everything else was concerned.]
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[It's a little strange, really. Lenalee is completely a part of this life, and it's by no means fake. In fact, sometimes he feels like she's closer to him than anyone else - but he doesn't want to tell her about all of the illusions, just because... She'd worry too much, wouldn't she? And he doesn't want that, even though... Maybe it's not the case anymore. After all, she just saw all this. Wouldn't it be worrying, too? Not to mention that she deserves to know something, so probably... he should tell her more. Just not right now.]
Yes. [He sounds strangely calm, almost relaxed, although a bit silent, especially when he adds, barely audibly,] Thank you.[It just feels like a decent response, even though he knows Lenalee doesn't think grattitude is needed. She always treated him like a person ( ... )
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You don't have to say that. It's the truth.
[Something that shouldn't need saying, but maybe it is good to voice it aloud sometimes.]
I don't understand everything, but none if it could change that.
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Yeah.
[He's quite grateful she's not asking questions, at least yet, because honestly? He's not sure himself, either. But it's reassuring.]
[Except that he doesn't really know what to say, and his mind keeps wandering elsewhere.]
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[Lenalee smiles, as brightly as she can.]
Good. I wouldn't have anyone to keep me strong without you here.
[No matter what the circumstance or how weak Lenalee felt, Kanda always had a way of building her back up again. Sometimes without saying a word; his presence alone could renew her determination.]
[But a pattern has started emerging. Must all of the men in her life forget who they are?]
Reply
[Kanda almost looks a little amused for a moment; his scowl is definitely one of the lighter kind, without a doubt fond, before it fades into his usual expression as his gaze turns to look straight at the screen, seriously.]
You're strong without anyone's keeping, Lenalee.
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You think so?
[Her smile dims, but is equally fond.]
Well, you make me feel that way.
[It is far harder to be strong when she is alone.]
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That's... good to hear.
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It's pretty late, isn't it? I don't want to make you lose too much sleep. But I hope you know that... [You're Kanda, you're like a brother, she loves you dearly, you are always so solid and seeing you so unsure of what you are is painful.]
You're Kanda.
[And she smiles.]
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[But it's already easier to accept than he originally thought. Whatever parts there are to it, he's him. And that's it.]
[So his expression easens into what scarily almost resembles a faint smile and nods, his gaze still somewhat distant but now more peaceful, not saying anything, but the silent 'thanks' is hanging in the air clearly enough for someone who knows him as well as Lenalee does.]
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Good night, Kanda.
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Night.
[And the feed goes off.]
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