[ reaction | text | private ]dramatic_capeFebruary 26 2011, 05:47:08 UTC
[ It is Lelouch's final night in prison.
He does not sleep.
Lelouch isn't afraid - no, that's not quite it. He is afraid, but not in the right ways. He can feel the fear of death seething in his stomach - a natural thing, a normal reaction, the reaction of a living being when confronted with the cessation of existence. But more than afraid of death, Lelouch is afraid of the consequences of not dying - of being rescued, of losing friends (yes, here in this lonely cell, here on the edge of a knife, Lelouch can finally allow himself to call them friends) to a conflict he might have caused.
Again.
Lelouch has brought war to his home's doorstep again.
So he does not sleep; there is nothing inside him that will allow him to. Lelouch watches others' dreams instead, goes out of his own head for a night, lets himself be anywhere but here, here in the dark.
And he learns. ]
rin.
i am sorry for what i've done, if it means you and the others get hurt. i, too, wanted a world where people could put their swords down. or guns, in my case. i thought i could end war with war. i was proud. proud and powerful and i thought i could take the world in my hands.
suzaku told me i won.
suzaku told me i gambled everything and won that world. but i paid the price with my life.
i am scared, rin. i know - i know others have died here and come back, but i don't care about coming back. i am scared of the dying itself. i am so scared i can barely take it. i hate it. i hate this place. they gave me nunnally and took her away again. it hurt. so much, it hurt. maybe i did all this because i knew they'd eventually find me. maybe i was as scared to keep living as i am scared to die.
i don't usually share these kinds of things, rin.
i don't usually share.
in the event that i do return from death in kannagara - with my memories intact, i hope - with my 'self' intact - i suppose i might regret opening up. i always do, in the end. i attract death, rin. bad things happen to people who are close to me. it has always been this way. even suzaku... yes, even him.
[ reaction | text | private ]revengeisalieFebruary 27 2011, 19:41:27 UTC
[So what she comes back to, later, is possibly the most heartbreaking message she has ever received on her Hitomi. It's so wrenching, this hopelessness, this utter certainty of death and the despair of life, if it should continue.
She wants to make it better, she definitely wants it.]
Don't give up, Lelouch.
We're coming for you. We're getting you out.
[They have to.]
And this dream, it's not your fault. It's the fault of everything that is happening in this world right now, and my own demons which are my own business and no one else's.
But we're coming for you. So don't give everything up yet.
[And she knows, in her heart of hearts, that she's setting him up for even more pain in telling him this, in giving him a spark of hope, but she decides that they'll just have to succeed.]
He does not sleep.
Lelouch isn't afraid - no, that's not quite it. He is afraid, but not in the right ways. He can feel the fear of death seething in his stomach - a natural thing, a normal reaction, the reaction of a living being when confronted with the cessation of existence. But more than afraid of death, Lelouch is afraid of the consequences of not dying - of being rescued, of losing friends (yes, here in this lonely cell, here on the edge of a knife, Lelouch can finally allow himself to call them friends) to a conflict he might have caused.
Again.
Lelouch has brought war to his home's doorstep again.
So he does not sleep; there is nothing inside him that will allow him to. Lelouch watches others' dreams instead, goes out of his own head for a night, lets himself be anywhere but here, here in the dark.
And he learns. ]
rin.
i am sorry for what i've done, if it means you and the others get hurt. i, too, wanted a world where people could put their swords down. or guns, in my case. i thought i could end war with war. i was proud. proud and powerful and i thought i could take the world in my hands.
suzaku told me i won.
suzaku told me i gambled everything and won that world. but i paid the price with my life.
i am scared, rin. i know - i know others have died here and come back, but i don't care about coming back. i am scared of the dying itself. i am so scared i can barely take it. i hate it. i hate this place. they gave me nunnally and took her away again. it hurt. so much, it hurt. maybe i did all this because i knew they'd eventually find me. maybe i was as scared to keep living as i am scared to die.
i don't usually share these kinds of things, rin.
i don't usually share.
in the event that i do return from death in kannagara - with my memories intact, i hope - with my 'self' intact - i suppose i might regret opening up. i always do, in the end. i attract death, rin. bad things happen to people who are close to me. it has always been this way. even suzaku... yes, even him.
but i
i am glad to have known you, rin
i am glad.
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She wants to make it better, she definitely wants it.]
Don't give up, Lelouch.
We're coming for you. We're getting you out.
[They have to.]
And this dream, it's not your fault. It's the fault of everything that is happening in this world right now, and my own demons which are my own business and no one else's.
But we're coming for you. So don't give everything up yet.
[And she knows, in her heart of hearts, that she's setting him up for even more pain in telling him this, in giving him a spark of hope, but she decides that they'll just have to succeed.]
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