This isn't possible. It isn't possible. Things like this just don't happen.
... do they?
The dream slips by and she barely notices it at first. Familiar noises pull her attention to the hitomi by her side and without thinking, she picks it up and is flooded with feelings that aren't hers. Feelings that are his, scenes she remembers from a different angle. She becomes so wrapped up in it that she stalls, stares, and doesn't think.
And then, there he is and at first her brain rejects it. They told her this place is strange. People come back from the dead sometimes but she never believed it. It doesn't happen. She doesn't deserve to be forgiven, not for what she's done. Not for her failures, for failing to save him.
And then she believes that it is an illusion. A dream. It wouldn't be the first one she had about him since he died. She had dreamed him a hundred times, a hundred punishments. And she deserved them. And for a moment she things this is another. Another taunt, another jab, and she prepares to turn off the hitomi and wake up and hope that this one wasn't broadcast.
But she isn't sleeping. And the sound of his voice, even through the device, resonates down in her bones. It's real. Somehow, somehow it is real and he is alive and there is no blood, no hole in his chest, no hollow looming behind him. No death. Just that smirk and those words and when he says her name she can't breathe. Her hands tremble and she drops the hitomi onto the counter as it if was a snake that bit her.]
[When she picks it up again, it is with hesitation. Unsure, afraid. As if by speaking she might break the spell and he'll be gone again and it would be more than she could bear. But she picks it up and switches it to video. She wants to have a sharp reply ready, to tease or embarrass him. To scold him. But she has none of that. Only a shaking voice and big violet eyes, shiny with tears she didn't know she still had.]
[And there she is. All the video and audio messages he's received so far, all the well-wishes and welcome-backs, none of them mean as much to him as this one. Rukia.
He's tired and just sitting up causes passing bouts of vertigo, but he can't help but smile for Rukia, and this smile is about twice as bright as all the others, because it's Rukia and he has to assure her that he's all right. He has to be all right, for her, because she'll be upset if he isn't, and he will do whatever he can to keep her from having cause to be upset again. Doing it once is hard enough, even though he knows he would have jumped in to protect her again and again, no matter how many times the scenario presents itself.]
Yeah, it's me. I'm here. You know I ain't one to break my promises, Rukia.
[Can she believe it, really? Can it really be possible? It goes against everything she knows and everything she has come to believe. And moreover, she doesn't deserve it. But her heart is thumping, her throat dry and her hands shake.]
But you died.
[She glances away for a moment and then returns her gaze suddenly. Jumpy. Uncertain. And her voice drops low.]
[He knows how hard this is. It had been hard for him too, when Rukia came back. This world defied all expectations and logic, and it made sense for anyone to be confused to see someone who was dead back alive again. Especially considering what they were, gods of death that oversaw the passage of souls into the next life, after which their souls were recycled to the human world once again.]
I know. 'M sorry.
But that's how Kannagara works. Nothin' stays dead here.
[She makes a sharp frustrated sound and puts her fists up against her eyes, pressing hard against her eyelids.]
Don't apologize! Idiot!
[She stands, taking the hitomi with her. The quiet clack of Sode no Shirayuki can be heard somewhere below the frame.]
Are you... are you all right? Do you need any help?
[Her voice has gone a little hard, but its only because she's rebuilding walls, reconstructing her coping mechanisms. Trying to deal. Her eyes are still big and soft and she stares at the screen for a moment, her frown deepening and her hands still shaking. She's fighting not to cry and she isn't sure she'll win because she's so scared and relieved and angry she almost doesn't know what to think.]
Happens all the time. People keep saying that. What is this place?
[A pause. The anger dissipates as she looks, stares again, and his face hasn't disappeared. Her voice almost does, though, dropping almost down to nothing as she speaks again.]
[There's a little bit of a self-deprecating smile in response to that.]
I guess I oughta be more specific, eh? I ain't sorry for doin' what I did, but I am for dyin' on ya.
[He can see that she's fighting with all she has not to cry, and it squeezes at his chest that it's his fault. He can't say he regrets jumping ahead to take the blow meant for her, or for thinking about her safety while he was still fighting a hollow without powers. Maybe it's selfish of him, but he couldn't have stood to lose her again. Ever again.
He wants to go to her, be able to give her a real hug, not like that weak approximation back then--show that's he's real and alive and strong now, but he's not quite sure he can make it that far. Even if it's only a half hour walk.]
Might need a little help gettin' back to the house, actually.
[A tinge of sheepishness in his grin, there.]
This place is Kannagara. Ain't much more to say than that. Ya stop thinkin' about it, after a while. There's no point tryin' to make sense outta the shit the gods do.
How can you stop thinking about it? You came back from the dead, Renji! That just doesn't happen! How can you just not think about it?
[Her voice wavers between angry and on the verge of tears. It's hard even for her to pin down what she is at any given moment.
But helping him, that's something she can do. Something that can take her mind off of this utter insanity at least for a little while, and fractionally pay back some of what she owes him and what she owes the Gods or whomever it was that decided to bring him back to life.]
All right. I'll be right there.
[And she moves as if to put the hitomi away but stops herself and stares hard down into the picture of his face. Her expression is icy and businesslike, completely serious.]
This isn't possible. It isn't possible. Things like this just don't happen.
... do they?
The dream slips by and she barely notices it at first. Familiar noises pull her attention to the hitomi by her side and without thinking, she picks it up and is flooded with feelings that aren't hers. Feelings that are his, scenes she remembers from a different angle. She becomes so wrapped up in it that she stalls, stares, and doesn't think.
And then, there he is and at first her brain rejects it. They told her this place is strange. People come back from the dead sometimes but she never believed it. It doesn't happen. She doesn't deserve to be forgiven, not for what she's done. Not for her failures, for failing to save him.
And then she believes that it is an illusion. A dream. It wouldn't be the first one she had about him since he died. She had dreamed him a hundred times, a hundred punishments. And she deserved them. And for a moment she things this is another. Another taunt, another jab, and she prepares to turn off the hitomi and wake up and hope that this one wasn't broadcast.
But she isn't sleeping. And the sound of his voice, even through the device, resonates down in her bones. It's real. Somehow, somehow it is real and he is alive and there is no blood, no hole in his chest, no hollow looming behind him. No death. Just that smirk and those words and when he says her name she can't breathe. Her hands tremble and she drops the hitomi onto the counter as it if was a snake that bit her.]
Reply
R-Renji?
Reply
He's tired and just sitting up causes passing bouts of vertigo, but he can't help but smile for Rukia, and this smile is about twice as bright as all the others, because it's Rukia and he has to assure her that he's all right. He has to be all right, for her, because she'll be upset if he isn't, and he will do whatever he can to keep her from having cause to be upset again. Doing it once is hard enough, even though he knows he would have jumped in to protect her again and again, no matter how many times the scenario presents itself.]
Yeah, it's me. I'm here. You know I ain't one to break my promises, Rukia.
Reply
But you died.
[She glances away for a moment and then returns her gaze suddenly. Jumpy. Uncertain. And her voice drops low.]
I was there.
Reply
I know. 'M sorry.
But that's how Kannagara works. Nothin' stays dead here.
Reply
Don't apologize! Idiot!
[She stands, taking the hitomi with her. The quiet clack of Sode no Shirayuki can be heard somewhere below the frame.]
Are you... are you all right? Do you need any help?
[Her voice has gone a little hard, but its only because she's rebuilding walls, reconstructing her coping mechanisms. Trying to deal. Her eyes are still big and soft and she stares at the screen for a moment, her frown deepening and her hands still shaking. She's fighting not to cry and she isn't sure she'll win because she's so scared and relieved and angry she almost doesn't know what to think.]
Happens all the time. People keep saying that. What is this place?
[A pause. The anger dissipates as she looks, stares again, and his face hasn't disappeared. Her voice almost does, though, dropping almost down to nothing as she speaks again.]
It's good to see you again.
Reply
I guess I oughta be more specific, eh? I ain't sorry for doin' what I did, but I am for dyin' on ya.
[He can see that she's fighting with all she has not to cry, and it squeezes at his chest that it's his fault. He can't say he regrets jumping ahead to take the blow meant for her, or for thinking about her safety while he was still fighting a hollow without powers. Maybe it's selfish of him, but he couldn't have stood to lose her again. Ever again.
He wants to go to her, be able to give her a real hug, not like that weak approximation back then--show that's he's real and alive and strong now, but he's not quite sure he can make it that far. Even if it's only a half hour walk.]
Might need a little help gettin' back to the house, actually.
[A tinge of sheepishness in his grin, there.]
This place is Kannagara. Ain't much more to say than that. Ya stop thinkin' about it, after a while. There's no point tryin' to make sense outta the shit the gods do.
Reply
[Her voice wavers between angry and on the verge of tears. It's hard even for her to pin down what she is at any given moment.
But helping him, that's something she can do. Something that can take her mind off of this utter insanity at least for a little while, and fractionally pay back some of what she owes him and what she owes the Gods or whomever it was that decided to bring him back to life.]
All right. I'll be right there.
[And she moves as if to put the hitomi away but stops herself and stares hard down into the picture of his face. Her expression is icy and businesslike, completely serious.]
And stop saying you're sorry right now.
Reply
Leave a comment