[Video| Week 10, Day 7]

[hisana_kuchiki]

[The feed turns on , a large tree visible before the screen moves to display a face that would be familiar to quite a few residents. There's a quiet exhalation before the woman manages a weak smile to hide her concerned expression.  This wasn't where she'd fallen asleep and nothing looked remotely familiar.]

I don't recall leaving the house and yet

Comments

[reaction] 1/2

[shadowofthesnow]

[What. Is. This.

It's impossible.

With every passing minute it is getting harder and harder for Rukia to believe that the universe does not hate her. She has been yanked into this new place full of strange new rules. She is off-balance, stumbling behind everyone else because she has no idea what is going on. And she hates that feeling. Has always hated it. And today, she can't seem to get away from it.

And now, this face. This person who she can only ever remember having seen in that one picture. Never in person. Never alive. Her sister, Hisana. Who is dead. Who has been dead for years. She should not be here, speaking.

She squeezes her eyes shut. She doesn't even know how to feel. Her head is spinning violently with anger and sadness and hope and fear and love and a thousand other things. She rubs her hand across her eyes, to ease the stinging because she had never ever hoped to see her sister alive again and now that she could. She had no idea what to say. Or what to do or even how to address her.

It has been a very hard day

[voice]

[shadowofthesnow]

[It takes her a moment to turn on the audio function. She has only recently learned how. She's only been in this damned place a few hours and it has already seen fit to turn her entire life upside down. There is a quiet hissing as air escapes through her teeth in the few seconds it takes her to find her voice.]

Hisana...sama. Is it really you?

[Her voice is ragged and she already wants to kick herself for how childish her question is, how stupid that pause in her name. She doesn't think her sister can recognize just her voice and she prefers it this way for the moment.]

Re: [voice]

[hisana_kuchiki]

[Hisana pauses at the voice, trying to place it for a moment before she responds.]
It is, but...is something wrong?

[voice --> video]

[shadowofthesnow]

I just... I never expected to see you.

[She pauses, unsure, with her hand over the switch that will change the feed to video. It would be easier than trying to explain. Rukia new at least her sister could not mistake her face. They looked so much alike...

But she hovers, not certain she wants this. Not sure it's real. Not sure what to do or say to the sister who left her on the streets of Rukongai when she was only a baby.

But ultimately, she must push forward. Going back is no longer an option. She switches the video on to show her face, still so uncertain.]

It's me. Rukia.

Re: [voice --> video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

To see me?

[When the video came on, Hisana drew in a sharp breath, a pained expression crossing her face before she manages to hide it.]

Rukia...

[The name slides from her lips unbidden before she goes quiet, trying to quiet the wave of guilt and shame that filled her.]

I... [ Hisana cut herself off. What could she say that would do anything to make up for her selfish actions, anyway? Rukia had survived, no thanks to her, but seeing her again at least gave Hisana a small sense of relief. Her sister had survived and that was all that mattered, right now.]

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

[Part of her wants to yell, to scream, to cry. To demand answers. Intellectually she knows that Hisana likely had little choice but to abandon her, that she wouldn't have survived on the harsh streets with a baby to look after. But she still isn't sure she can forgive, the childish part of her that wants to rage for all the years she spent all alone. With no family.]

I became a shinigami. And Byakuya nii-sama took me in.

[Because these are things she thinks Hisana would want to know. And she isn't sure why she's making even this weak attempt at consoling her sister. But, even after everything that she'd gone through, she couldn't help feeling something for this woman, this sister she's never known.]

Re: [video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

He...found you then? [The look of relief on her face is unmistakable and she touches the screen for a moment before her hand drops to her lap.]

I'm so glad...you were able to become his family, Rukia. I... [ The words caught in her throat and she lifted a hand to her eyes. ]

You both deserved so much more than I was able to give you...

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

Yes. I was adopted by the Kuchiki family while I was still at the academy.

[But I would have rather had you. I would have rather grown up holding your hand. I would have rather had my sister. I would rather have been loved.

Rukia takes a deep breath and struggles to keep her face impassive.]

Nii-sama told me... you looked for me.

Re: [video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

I did look for you. I spent so much time in Rukongai, trying to locate you, Rukia. [Hisana paused, her expression sad for a moment.]

I asked him not to tell you. You...deserved a better sister than one who would just leave you behind to save her own life, Rukia. You... I'm glad you survived, and got to grow up, even though I did that to you...

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

He told me that, too. He instructed the entire household to lie to me because you asked him to.

[She's trying so hard. Trying not to be a child, not to be petulant. Not to be angry. Not to cry from frustration and sadness.]

Why? Didn't you think I deserved to know about you? Didn't you think I had a right to know I had a sister?

Re: [video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

I didn't think I deserved to be called anyone's sister, Rukia. Your sister...should have been a better person than I was.

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

Do you think it was fair for to make that decision for me? Because you felt guilty, I shouldn't know? Did it make you feel better to think that?

[She glances away guiltily, but there is more pain on her face than anger.]

I... I'm sorry. That was terribly rude of me. I didn't mean to, I just... I don't know what to say to you.

Re: [video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

It didn't make me feel better, I only...I was dying, Rukia.

[A quiet sigh.] No, I deserved that. I deserve the anger. It wasn't a fair choice for me to make but I didn't want... If I'd been able to find you before my illness progressed that far, it would have... been different.

I should be apologizing to you, not the other way around.

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

...

How would it have been different? What would you have done if you had found me?

Re: [video]

[hisana_kuchiki]

I would have spent time with you, and...tried to make things right, Rukia. I didn't want you to know because... It would have only caused you pain you didn't deserve. Having a sister you'd never be able to meet is...something I wanted to spare you from, and I ....

I'm sorry.

[video]

[shadowofthesnow]

[She's quiet a long moment, fighting to keep her voice and face level, to not show emotion because it is weakness, isn't it? But her eyes are shiny and her voice trembles a little.]

I've met you now.