[Week 31, Day 1]
[OOC: No warnings for the dream itself, but will update with warnings for threads if appropriate. Edit: Mayuri's thread contains Mayuri being...Mayuri.]
( The world is full of happiness that I have never known )
( The world is full of happiness that I have never known )
Comments 31
But that can't be right either.
All those calculation and trials prior. All of them had gone so smoothly. True, science was unpredictable at times - that's part of the fun! - but he had been so very careful. Somewhere, somehow, a variable was added and she went awry.
This simply won't do. She'll perform to his specifications or die trying. He searches for her and finds her. Mayuri stares over her prone form. He kneels down and gets as close to her exposed ear as possible without touching her. Then he yells.]
JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU LAZY, WORTHLESS PIECE OF FLESH?!
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M-Mayuri-sama.
[She flushes, knowing that at the very best, he caught her having dozed off. At the worst, he'd seen The Dream, one of the rare, special dreams that are so private and secret that she hardly even dares think about them herself.]
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What. Was. That?
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[It is a foolish dream, she knows that. But she cannot help wishing for the things that were in it, for foolish, unscientific things. She has always hoped that maybe, if she tried very hard, if she somehow managed to overcome her weakness, perhaps she could please him. Perhaps he would not be so disgusted with her.]
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[Well, it surely explains some things, then. Why she puts up with all of it, for example. It's easy to tell that whatever is seen in the dream is far from reality; does that mean it's what the woman secretly wants? He supposes that's more or less 'like real family', there's no way for him to know, after all, as he's never had one.]
[But he can't quite relate. See, he himself does have a self-appointed daddy figure, his own General, to be exact, and he doesn't think of it as anything else but horrible. Old man Tiedoll could definitely be expected to drag him to see various 'fun' or 'culture' things, and he probably would give kids balloons if he didn't know said kids would pop it in an instance and kick him in the shins for that. Fairytales and birthday parties, attempted at least, were also there. And yet Kanda found it all too uncomfortable and familiar to ever allow it, and always tried to escape the other man's presence by all means necessary, even if he would fail a lot of the time, as well ( ... )
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Approval. Acceptance. Patience. Love, even.
Hyakurin sits against the wall, head bowed and hair falling around her. She doesn't know, really, the relationship these two have. She picks around with the network occasionally, but, for the most part, keeps to herself. But she knows... she knows what a child, another human being, will do for attention. For their father or their sensei or the person they respect the most to look at them and say something so simple, like 'good job'.
Is that how her little boy would have felt if his father had said one word of real praise to him...? If his father had been patient enough to teach--
She shakes her head. Don't think about it.She knows that won't make those visions go away, that it won't bring back what's been taken, but those words are what keeps her standing, in that moment, ( ... )
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[ Hyakurin frowns into the Hitomi, eyes appraising. What's wrong, she wonders? What happened? Not because she thinks that someone wouldn't find it foolish, but because her breathing and the mere tone of her voice warn that there's more to this that she does not quite grasp. ]
What happened? You all right?
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[Her voice is monotone, but there's a listlessness to it, almost a despairing sound. She wonders what will happen now. If Mayuri-sama will take her back or cast her out for being too flawed. Or decide to disassemble her and start over from scratch, as she'd seen him do many times before.]
Mayuri-sama was angry because I am weak, that is all.
[And she was weak. She should not imagine such unscientific things. Places like the ones she dreamed about--'amusement parks' they were called--were unnecessary and frivolous. Why should Mayuri-sama spend his time on her amusement? Why would he give her a 'balloon', which served no purpose other than to be decorative? And besides, she had not deserved his attention or any reward at all. He only punished her because it was necessary to punish her.]
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He can relate too, to just... wanting to hear something like that, but there is a difference in the fact that he has heard it, from his father too, before it all went downhill. And his father is far from Mayuri, even if there's an eerie resemblence to them that he absolutely hates. And it makes him hate Mayuri even more, really.
He just doesn't... understand.]
Do you dream things like this often?
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[She sounds cautious when she answers, and her voice seems guarded.] I rarely dream of such things.
[It was fortunate, really. Such dreams brought as much pain as they brought pleasure. Pleasure in that when she was in them, she felt strange but wonderful things. Because she could dream of having Mayuri-sama's approval, of doing things simply for the sake of doing them. And pain because they only made reality more harsh, since they could never happen in the real world.]
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He'll go along with it even so, though.]
But you dream of it sometimes? Do they ever make you think?
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[She looks down and away.] It is better not to think of such things.
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[But this time it is not torture, though it is strange to him--these devices, this play--but he can recognize the emotion. Or...somewhat. He knows this feeling. He has felt it. He could say things about it--he could say it hurts. That he doesn't like it. That it's almost a need. That he feels this desire as profoundly as he feels the desire to eat, or sleep. But he doesn't know this feeling. He doesn't have a name for it, an that disturbs him.]
[He lifts himself out of bed, and turns on the hitomi.] Are you well?
[It is a foolish question, but he doesn't know of a better one.]
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I am all right, Warrior of Light-san.
[It was not entirely true. She was unsure whether Mayuri-sama would take her back, or where she should go. She had spoken to another person who was taking her to Mizusato, but she wasn't sure it was wise to leave.]
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