[Ginko. It was just yesterday that he was talking to Ginko, that he wanted him, and it was denied. But he had told Ginko, and Ginko knows. His green eyes sharpen and he stares at the screen, stares at this man as if he's his only lifeline.]
Ginko. Ginko, you know why I'm doing it. I told you all about it. Remember? I was dead. Or at least Jason Todd was dead, and I came back. Their little boy was martyred, and they got me instead. Because how do I know? Really, how do I know I'm him? Who says that I'm not a clone, with fake memories stuffed inside me? I thought...I thought it was okay, the scars are memories and you can't lie with flesh, but Dick came here, and he has memories of me that I don't have. And...[His eyes squeeze tight, then flutter open again, still honed in on Ginko] And the pain helps, calms me down and it reminds me, but this time it's not helping, nothing's helping...
[He's babbling, but he always seems to babble with Ginko, and it just doesn't matter any more.]
[Well, at least he's willing to talk about it. Maybe a little too much...
Ginko makes himself comfortable. Looks like he's going to be the one who talks Jason down from... whatever this is. He won't worry about finding out where Jason is, for now. Maybe once the other man is calmer...
A slight pause, to gather his thoughts.]
I met a man who had come back from the dead, once. Not you. Someone in my own world.
[A tiny pause. Should he tell Jason? He looks at the younger man, considering his options... no, he won't tell him the whole thing. Later, after he's sober and more likely to remember it all, and preferably in person... yes. But he'll tell the abbreviated version for now.]
Actually, I knew him before he died, and after. I'd say he was the same person, without question.
[...he'll leave off the fact that that man became immortal, and, in Ginko's mind, no longer really a human. In fact, he never plans to bring that little fact into this at all.]
[His speech slows to a drawl, picking each word with care now--he doesn't want to lie to Jason, but he doesn't want to tell him the truth, either. Not now, when he's liable to do something drastic if pushed the wrong way.
Well. More drastic.]
I spoke to him before his death, at length. I wasn't in his village long, but I... got to know him in that time.
[A longer pause, which he covers by digging out a cigarette and lighting up. He takes a drag before he continues, in the same slow drawl.]
Because I was there. I watched it happen.
[It's the least damaging thing he can say right now. He's bracing himself for some kind of explosion, even if he looks outwardly calm.]
[Jason inhales sharply, gaze intensifying if possible.]
...And? And?
[But Ginko wasn't there for him, didn't know him before, didn't watch it, and somehow Jason doubted that there were Lazarus pits in the other man's world.]
I'll never know. [His bloodied hands just fall into his lap, voice bleak.] I'll never know, will I? I'll constantly be doubting myself, wondering what the fuck I am.
[His eyes slide closed, and he just seems to collapse on himself, turning inward. ]
Goddammit. [Just a whisper now, and his eyes stay shut. The pain of the cuts across his chest throbbing, but providing none of the comfort and release they were supposed to. Just more meaningless pain, turning into meaningless scars.]
[That... wasn't what he'd been expecting. At all. He wasn't exactly sure what he'd been expecting, but... it wasn't this.
It's almost painful to watch Jason collapse like that.]
Maybe not. [Another pause, before he shrugs, mentally. Maybe his normal way of handling this kind of thing would help... it certainly can't hurt.]
But you are alive, right? You bleed, obviously. Your heart beats. You have to eat, and drink, and do everything living people do. So, it's pretty clear you're alive.
....Be sure of my identity? What am I without it? [Jason's eyes crack open, green gone cold, tired.]
We're nothing without it. Just ghosts, floating around, without purpose. [He shudders, and grasps at his own arms, flinching when the move tears the partially coagulated wounds on his chest open again. Fresh red drips down, and he shakes his head.]
I can't be that. That's even worse than being dead.
[...he's not sure if he should be encouraged by that response. At least Jason's still talking, but... that look in his eyes, and the way he's still bleeding...
He'll ignore it, for now. Talking to him, as long as he's still responding in a more-or-less sane way, is probably more important.]
Now, I never said that. But I'm curious. What's stopping you from... well, not forgetting the past. But moving on from it. Not letting it... do this to you.
[Letting go of the past. Now doesn't that sound amazing. Jason almost smiles at that, the expression sad and wistful. It wouldn't matter then, what Bruce thought, would Bruce did. It wouldn't matter that he had replaced him, hadn't avenged him
( ... )
[Ginko raises an eyebrow a little at the expression on Jason's face, but doesn't comment. Especially since it seems like the younger man is actually calming down. Perhaps it's optimistic of him, but he's going to tentatively assume that whatever crisis Jason is going through, it's better now. Ginko's pretty sure it isn't over--going by how erratic Jason was acting, Ginko doesn't think this is something that he can put behind him with just a few words from a near-stranger.
He'll wait, quietly, patiently, for Jason to finish talking, one hand curled over his mouth, the cigarette sticking through his fingers.]
It's up to you, of course. Just... remember that, alright?
[He smiles at that, and if the smile is maybe a touch more warm than his usual... well, he's not going to think about why that might be. It's probably just relief--Jason really had looked like he was going to do something he'd regret for a few moments there.[
Sure. [His smile fades a little.] ...I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that again.
You can always call me, if you need help. Someone to talk to. Whatever.
[He's definitely not going to think too much about how he just gave Jason an open invitation to call him on the Hitomi whenever he wants. But... it's pretty obvious the other man needs some kind of stabilizing influence in his life. And as long as he's willing to listen to Ginko... Ginko doesn't mind being that for him.
[Jason catches that smile, and sees the warmth in it and almost basks in it for a moment, before realizing what he's doing, and withdraws from that feeling, pushing away, just away, where it belongs.]
[He can't help the bitter snort with Ginko's words, and shrugs, carefully.]
What, cut myself up when faced with a severe existential crisis? I can't promise that. But....maybe. I can try.
[But then there's the other words, and that traitorous warmth comes back, this time, curling up deep in his chest, impossible to dislodge and push away. Because, like he discovered before, he can talk to Ginko. Tell him the truths that he hates, that he was frankly terrified of, unlike anyone else before. It's strange, because he doesn't know Ginko very well, or at least, hasn't known him long, only during this time pulled out of their respective worlds, and tossed together like this.]
[But then again, maybe that's why Jason can talk to him, for that simple reason that Ginko has not seen Jason's past. He's the representation of that
( ... )
Yeah, that'd be a good place to start. [He's never really seen anyone do that--willingly cause themselves pain, and continue to do it even when they're obviously hurting. Warriors who can withstand pain are one thing, but this... this is something else entirely.] Hnnn. Guess that's all I can ask.
[He's not sure what to make of Jason's reaction, so he says nothing.]
Mmm. Glad I could help. [And as that seems to be the end of that (for now), he'll reach to turn off the Hitomi.]
[Jason nods once, and watches the screen turn black as Ginko turns off his hitomi. The former robin sighs, and tosses his hitomi to the side as he gets up to find his kit and antibiotics.]
...followed almost immediately by a sick sort of worry that he isn't going to bother analyzing right now. That was a lot of blood.]
Jason. [His voice is quiet, with only the barest thread of alarm running through it.] What do you think you're doing?
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Ginko. Ginko, you know why I'm doing it. I told you all about it. Remember? I was dead. Or at least Jason Todd was dead, and I came back. Their little boy was martyred, and they got me instead. Because how do I know? Really, how do I know I'm him? Who says that I'm not a clone, with fake memories stuffed inside me? I thought...I thought it was okay, the scars are memories and you can't lie with flesh, but Dick came here, and he has memories of me that I don't have. And...[His eyes squeeze tight, then flutter open again, still honed in on Ginko] And the pain helps, calms me down and it reminds me, but this time it's not helping, nothing's helping...
[He's babbling, but he always seems to babble with Ginko, and it just doesn't matter any more.]
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Ginko makes himself comfortable. Looks like he's going to be the one who talks Jason down from... whatever this is. He won't worry about finding out where Jason is, for now. Maybe once the other man is calmer...
A slight pause, to gather his thoughts.]
I met a man who had come back from the dead, once. Not you. Someone in my own world.
[A tiny pause. Should he tell Jason? He looks at the younger man, considering his options... no, he won't tell him the whole thing. Later, after he's sober and more likely to remember it all, and preferably in person... yes. But he'll tell the abbreviated version for now.]
Actually, I knew him before he died, and after. I'd say he was the same person, without question.
[...he'll leave off the fact that that man became immortal, and, in Ginko's mind, no longer really a human. In fact, he never plans to bring that little fact into this at all.]
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Someone who died...and came back? And you knew? How? How were you so sure?
[Jason clings to Ginko's words, his gaze feverish and intense.]
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Well. More drastic.]
I spoke to him before his death, at length. I wasn't in his village long, but I... got to know him in that time.
[A longer pause, which he covers by digging out a cigarette and lighting up. He takes a drag before he continues, in the same slow drawl.]
Because I was there. I watched it happen.
[It's the least damaging thing he can say right now. He's bracing himself for some kind of explosion, even if he looks outwardly calm.]
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...And? And?
[But Ginko wasn't there for him, didn't know him before, didn't watch it, and somehow Jason doubted that there were Lazarus pits in the other man's world.]
I'll never know. [His bloodied hands just fall into his lap, voice bleak.] I'll never know, will I? I'll constantly be doubting myself, wondering what the fuck I am.
[His eyes slide closed, and he just seems to collapse on himself, turning inward. ]
Goddammit. [Just a whisper now, and his eyes stay shut. The pain of the cuts across his chest throbbing, but providing none of the comfort and release they were supposed to. Just more meaningless pain, turning into meaningless scars.]
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It's almost painful to watch Jason collapse like that.]
Maybe not. [Another pause, before he shrugs, mentally. Maybe his normal way of handling this kind of thing would help... it certainly can't hurt.]
But you are alive, right? You bleed, obviously. Your heart beats. You have to eat, and drink, and do everything living people do. So, it's pretty clear you're alive.
Then, do you have to be sure?
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We're nothing without it. Just ghosts, floating around, without purpose. [He shudders, and grasps at his own arms, flinching when the move tears the partially coagulated wounds on his chest open again. Fresh red drips down, and he shakes his head.]
I can't be that. That's even worse than being dead.
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He'll ignore it, for now. Talking to him, as long as he's still responding in a more-or-less sane way, is probably more important.]
Now, I never said that. But I'm curious. What's stopping you from... well, not forgetting the past. But moving on from it. Not letting it... do this to you.
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He'll wait, quietly, patiently, for Jason to finish talking, one hand curled over his mouth, the cigarette sticking through his fingers.]
It's up to you, of course. Just... remember that, alright?
[Another small pause.]
...you should probably get those looked at.
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Thank you Ginko. [He pauses then adds uncomfortably] For you know, talking me down of whatever.
[He glances down at his chest, and grimaces, sighing a little.]
I have antibiotics, and I can probably suture them myself.
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Sure. [His smile fades a little.] ...I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that again.
You can always call me, if you need help. Someone to talk to. Whatever.
[He's definitely not going to think too much about how he just gave Jason an open invitation to call him on the Hitomi whenever he wants. But... it's pretty obvious the other man needs some kind of stabilizing influence in his life. And as long as he's willing to listen to Ginko... Ginko doesn't mind being that for him.
But that's all there is to it, of course.]
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[He can't help the bitter snort with Ginko's words, and shrugs, carefully.]
What, cut myself up when faced with a severe existential crisis? I can't promise that. But....maybe. I can try.
[But then there's the other words, and that traitorous warmth comes back, this time, curling up deep in his chest, impossible to dislodge and push away. Because, like he discovered before, he can talk to Ginko. Tell him the truths that he hates, that he was frankly terrified of, unlike anyone else before. It's strange, because he doesn't know Ginko very well, or at least, hasn't known him long, only during this time pulled out of their respective worlds, and tossed together like this.]
[But then again, maybe that's why Jason can talk to him, for that simple reason that Ginko has not seen Jason's past. He's the representation of that ( ... )
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[He's not sure what to make of Jason's reaction, so he says nothing.]
Mmm. Glad I could help. [And as that seems to be the end of that (for now), he'll reach to turn off the Hitomi.]
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